Gut Rumbles

May 16, 2006

what is a "minion?"

I remember that I once asked my daughter what she wanted when she grew up, and she said, "Daddy, I want to have a minion dollars!" She was four years old at the time, but she had great expectations, even if her vocabulary WAS kinda limited.

I was searching my stored emails for the one where some guy accused me of being a real asshole, with "minions of mindless women" encouraging me to be the prick that I am on my blog. I couldn't find the email, but I remember publishing it, and MommaBear, before she died, wrote me to announce that she wanted to be President of the "Mindless Minions Wimmen's Club" if I ever started one.

I miss that sweet mindless minion woman. I may STILL start that club one of these days and name it after HER. For a New England yankee, she wasn't bad at all...

Even though I am a complete male chauvanist and I call wimmen "bags of mostly water, filled with raging hormones," I remain awed by the female of the species. I don't understand them, but I really, really LOVE them all. I often wonder what I would be like today if I had been born a woman.

Now, THAT is a frightening thought...

When I worked at the chemical plant, the running joke about wimmen was, "If they didn't have a pussy, there'd be a BOUNTY on 'em." and I cannot disagree, especially after considering what the bloodless cunts sweet darlins have cost me in MY life. I have experienced the THREE A's brought to men by wimmen: those are "arson," "adultery" and "attorney," ALL of which really suck.

But I've ALSO experienced the THREE GOOD THINGS about wimmen, and even though I'm not gonna list them now, I cannot deny that they exist. (I'll give you a hint: those three virtues all start with the letter "C." "Cuddly" is ONE of them. You take it from there...)

Variety IS the spice of life, and this world would be a boring place without wimmen in it. It would be a SANER place, but that's just the price we pay for variety. Plus, just consider what the diet industry, the cosmetic industry and the divorce attorneys of the world would do without wimmen. They might have to get REAL jobs instead of dealing with the three "V's" of womanhood: Vanity, Vengence and Vagina.

Heh. THIS post oughta run some "mindless minions" outta MY court. But I probably can get away with it, because of a strange fact about wimmen. They seem to be attracted to lovable rogues, at least for a while, until they become all hormonal and hire a divorce attorney, in a ceaseless quest to have a man's nutsack flapping on a flagpole while a bloody scalp dangles from her belt.

Who watches soap operas? Who LIVES LIFE as a soap opera? It AIN"T men.

I rest my case...

(Heh. see what I get when I'm a male chauvanist ass?)


You are right.
The diet & cosmetic industry would be bust.

Posted by: Maeve on May 16, 2006 11:23 AM

What cause that?

Posted by: Catfish on May 16, 2006 11:27 AM

Ya know, the biggest thing I've learned about women is that they can't let things go. MOST women sit with a memory of being wronged and they chew it over and over again like cud in a cow's mouth. Continuously bringing it up again. Or maybe like rosary beads between a supplicant's fingers, being worried and rolled around, feeling imperfections and allowing them to irritate. It becomes a ritual to take them out and relive the hurt, to build it up in their minds.

I'm of the philosophy that you talk that shit out and MOVE ON. Damn, let it go.

Oh, and sugar, get your fuckin' shoulders fixed. You're killin' me with worry for ya!!

Posted by: LL on May 16, 2006 11:54 AM

I prefer to think of myself as a henchman rather than minion. Do you have any henching you need done today?

Posted by: BlogDog on May 16, 2006 12:20 PM

I was once reffered to as someones 'goon."

If you ever need a "goon," I'm here for ya brother.

Posted by: Mrite on May 16, 2006 12:33 PM

My parents were married for 46 years when my daddy died last month. They'd have stayed married another 46 years if possible.

I've seen good marriages, and been in one bad one and am in a good one now.

The difference between the good and the bad seems to be whether or not the two PEOPLE in the marriage Like, Respect and Tolerate each other.

Someday, I hope you meet a woman who can do THOSE three things with and for you.

How'd the shots work for your arm...any better?

Posted by: Nancy on May 16, 2006 03:22 PM

Speaking as a "mindless minion"...I don't like most women either. Can't stand the whining or the "airs". Heard one one time say in her helpless tone of voice, "I didn't knoooow that Suburban would be so bad on the gas! Now I'm gonna have to give up something but I don't know whaaat. I naaaails...I just don't knoooow". I thought, "Geez, bitch, you don't read the stickers? Wanna come fix my sink for me? Ever changed out a toilet? You ever do any wiring?" Of course not. I bring home the bacon AND fry it in the pan AND do all of the above. I don't watch soap operas and I'll be damned if I ever want to live one. That's why I just stay single. That qualifies me as a feminist but not a bra-burner. I still like lace.

Oh and "men" have cost me aplenty. Y'all don't have the monopoly on that one. Though I'll be the first to admit I'm not your average Jane.

Oh by the way...English major, dear...granddaughter of an English teacher needs to correct your spelling of "Vengeance". :) It's okay though...we all make mistakes when we're tired or hurting. :)

Posted by: BabsRN on May 16, 2006 09:51 PM

"Soap opera life"?

Uhh...Rob? Tell me the story again, "The Life of Rob, According to Rob", and tell me that your life ain't a Soap Opera.

I mean, Mountain Boy, Bar Singer, English Major, Chem-plant Supervisor, survivor of BC's and Cancer, Guitar Collector, BlogFest Organizer AND Survivor!

Of course, OWW has had a Soap Opera Life too! Just not as ... soapy as yours!

Posted by: Ward Gerlach on May 16, 2006 10:54 PM
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