Gut Rumbles

May 13, 2006

more on nipples

I don't enjoy having MY nipples played with. It's an unpleasant feeling for me.

A lot of wimmen seem to think that that's a highly-erotic thing to do, and I appreciate their sense of adventure, but I would just as soon have 'em stick a finger up my ass. And I don't like THAT, either (thanks to my urologist for making me entirely probed-out).

Still, if you wanna do either thing, go right ahead. If it's good for YOU, it's good for ME, too. I'm all for doing whatever YOU like in bed. (Just don't bitch to me about giving an enthusiastic blow-job after you've rammed a finger up my ass. If I allow you to have YOUR way with me, you should allow me to have MINE. It's only fair.)

But, I digress. I was gonna write about nipples here...

My first wife, the mother of my darlin' daughter, had BIG titties, with a set of nipples that resembled bitten-in-half Vienna sausages. But they had more style than substance, kinda like water balloons that just rolled around on her chest with large warts stuck on them. She was a good-lookin' woman, but a lousy lay.

Looking back now, I wonder why in the hell I ever married her in the first place. I think the fact that she threw away her birth control pills without telling me and then got pregnant had something to do with my decision. Bejus knows that I wouldn't have done it in my right mind.

My darlin' second ex-wife had GREAT nipples. (By the way... someone at the Austin blog-meet asked me NEVER to use the words "Bloodless Cunt" on my blog again, because she found it "offensive." Instead of telling her to go fuck herself, I agreed, so I stored that term on the shelf right next to the forbidden N-word, where they will NEVER be used again.)

My action doesn't take niggers persons of colour out of this world, nor does it keep my darlin' ex-wife from being a Bloodless Cunt, but if it makes even ONE PERSON feel better, I'm willing to do MY part... as soon as I get back on-topic about nipples.

Jennifer didn't have BIG titties, but she had exquisite nipples. Her boobs were a perfect fit for the palm of my hand--- any more would have been a waste--- and she was blessed with dark brown areoles about the size of a quarter, with nipples like .45 longs. They were very much an erogenous zone, too--- she demonstrated MANY times her ability to achieve orgasm JUST from having her nipples stimulated.

I LIKED playing with those things. She liked it when I did it, too.
I still miss those titties today.

But Dora possessed the All-Time Best Boobs I ever had the good fortune to enjoy. She was a genuine red-head, and her breasts were as white as new-fallen snow, with PINK nipples the size of Grand Cameroon cigar butts. She was a woman who didn't LOOK stacked until you saw them critters unleashed--- and then your jaw dropped in pure wonder.

Even today, YEARS after I last saw Dora, I think of HER when I think about excellent, beautiful titties. And I remember the time we made love on a sleeping bag in the wide open outdoors during a hailstorm on top of a mountain in North Carolina. THAT was uninhibited sex in the wild, and the next day I had bruises on my ass from hailstone licks to prove it.

In my journey through life, I have discovered something wonderful. No two titties are alike, even on the same woman.

And I love them all.


Sounds like Roscoe needs some play time. *grin*

Posted by: LL on May 13, 2006 04:37 PM

I agree, LL...

Posted by: Lisa on May 13, 2006 05:16 PM

I'm offended by the words 'nipple' , 'breasts', 'stacked', 'pink', 'bruise', 'ass', 'titties', 'orgasms', 'palms', 'pills', 'pregnant' and 'bejus'. Come to think of it, 'forbidden' and 'achieved' could be considered off-color as well. How big is that shelf?

Posted by: Tessa on May 13, 2006 05:36 PM

Another horny old man!! *L* At least we know you are still alive, eh Rob?

Posted by: Michele on May 13, 2006 05:36 PM

Kinda crude, Bitch, but funny. Don't die on

me yet, as only HogOnIce is as funny and

fucked up as you.

Posted by: TomCat on May 13, 2006 06:33 PM

When was mountain sex so raw and vital! If Acidman ever shuts down his blog (that is, for a week or two)... you have to come back with Casanova Divine. Or a section dedicated to the Supple Nipple: A Hand To Mouth Guidebook.

And don't forget Rules on the Playground: What Every Woman Should Know. (No gal wants to end up as the bad part of a blog entry.)

Posted by: Vermont Neighbor on May 13, 2006 07:07 PM

i KNOW you aren't referring to me, acidman.

i didn't request you never use bloodless cunt on your blog again, i would NEVER make such a request.

i simply didn't want to hear it all weekend. you were a sweet wonderful version of yourself and i didn't hear it even once.

that being said, it's a wonderful phrase. really sums up your true feelings.

Posted by: shoe on May 13, 2006 07:11 PM

Desanguinated pudendum.
There's always a way.

Posted by: BlogDog on May 13, 2006 08:07 PM

Maybe that should be "desanguinous pudendum" instead. Hmm.

Posted by: BlogDog on May 13, 2006 08:07 PM

Ya, I gotta agree with ya there A-man. I'm a tittie baby at heart myself. Some of the best sweater puppies I ever met weren't the biggest and by far the best ones were the pointers.

Posted by: Gmac on May 13, 2006 08:32 PM

"Bloodless Cunt", no, no....please reconsider using the phrase from time to time. Yours is the only blog that uses it correctly. Must have something to do with your English Lit degree.

Many people try to properly use "Bloodless Cunt" , and most of them fail. You do not.

Posted by: David Drake on May 13, 2006 09:15 PM

Blogdog's "desanguinated pudendum": LOL!


Posted by: Henry Blowfly on May 13, 2006 10:28 PM

I'm with Boortz on this one: "Fun Bags"

Posted by: James Hooker - titty whisperer on May 14, 2006 12:30 AM

Didn't you recently say you had seen the power of God revealed as nipples somewhere in Central America? Are we going to see those photos or not?

God's going to quit wasting his time on you if you keep procrastinating posting photos of his glory.

Posted by: robert on May 14, 2006 10:47 AM

The pictures I have don't do justice to the woman I had. They're kinda blurry, but SHE was not.

And SHE had a set of nipples to blog about.

Posted by: Acidman on May 14, 2006 12:04 PM


Posted by: TC on May 14, 2006 01:05 PM

And now you know one of the reasons why I prefer redheads...

Posted by: Kim du Toit on May 14, 2006 01:43 PM

I had someone tell my on my blog the other day that my nipples looked like flowers.


Not sure about that, but I thought it was kinda cute....

Posted by: Evilicious Blonde on May 15, 2006 09:12 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.