Gut Rumbles

May 10, 2006

it's not my fault

I just thought that my aching shoulders were a problem. Now I'm afraid that something much worse is happening to me. I think I have Tourette's Syndrome.

I have an involuntary, uncontrollable reaction when I read stories such as this one. My eyes widen, I take a deep breath, and a stream of terrible cursing bursts from my lips. I don't MEAN to do it, but I just can't help myself.

The deaths have prompted a plea by some grieving mothers for new laws that would mandate warning labels about the potential danger of top-heavy or poorly placed TVs.

"If there were warning labels, or if there was any awareness that this could be a danger, believe me, the kind of mother I am, I wouldn't have even let my son have a TV in his room," Michele DeMeo-Bonsangue told the New York Post.

My fuckinggoddamsumbitchshitcocksuckerbastard aching ass! We need warning labels to explain the law of gravity to people who never heard of it before. Oh, yeah! WARNING LABELS, certain to be read, understood and OBEYED by people who have the "awareness" of a box of rocks, IF they bother to read at all.

I can see it now: Put warning labels on televisions that say, "CAUTION!!!! DO NOT put this TV where it might fall and kill that precious rug-rat you have crawling unsupervised around your home. DOUBLE CAUTION!!! The television may not be stable enough for little Junior to climb like monkey bars, and he may get his widdle head crushed like an eggshell if he tries. TRIPLE, REALLY SERIOUS, DOUBLE-CAUTION!!!!! If this television falls, it could hurt somebody!" If we do THAT, no child will EVER be hurt by a falling television again.


Somebody needs to put a warning label on stories such as that one. They are dangerous for ME to read.


I hate stupid assholes that don't want to take any responsibility for their own stupidity. Perhaps everything we could possibly ever touch in life should come with labels saying: Be careful. Shit happens. Don't blame us if you do something stupid.

Posted by: Jeannie on May 10, 2006 05:06 PM

Hey, uhhh.... you forgot to close your quote-block.

Maybe they should put warning labels. "Warning: failure to close this quoteblock will indent your entire page and make you look like an asshole"

Posted by: middy on May 10, 2006 05:18 PM


Posted by: Phil on May 10, 2006 05:21 PM

Ok, it's official. You're banned from my read at work blog list. I can't be laughing hysterically like that in the cube farm. It makes all the other cube jockeys wonder what kind of drugs I'm on...

Posted by: MikeB on May 10, 2006 05:39 PM

I am reminded of the Jeff Foxworthy bit about the big old TV on a TV tray... and the dad who encouaged his kid to pull it down on himself to learn his lesson....

Posted by: caltechgirl on May 10, 2006 05:44 PM

I think we need warning labels on bedsheets....for idiots like the mother you have written about.


Posted by: Maggie on May 10, 2006 08:27 PM

WARNING: This Warning Label May Cause Choking If Swallowed

Posted by: David Drake on May 10, 2006 08:48 PM

Bullshit. Mommy's just looking for a quick buck.

But one's own self-professed stupidity should never be valid grounds for a lawsuit.

Posted by: BabsRN on May 10, 2006 09:03 PM

I think I've been scalded by hot water before. Who can I sue? My water comes from a well. Who is responsible for labelling that?

Posted by: MJH on May 10, 2006 09:25 PM

Don't forget - if you try to rip off a pop machine and it falls on you - well, ya should have known better 'cause of the warning label.

Posted by: Jeffro on May 10, 2006 10:16 PM

Aw, Rob, don't hold back. Tell us what you really think.

Posted by: Elisson on May 10, 2006 10:32 PM

NO, seriously tell me how you really feel.????
What jack ass assholes
BTW, I'm from the red part of california. don't that suck?

Posted by: wendy on May 10, 2006 10:32 PM

Diagnosis at last...well if it's Tourette's you've got, then I like Tourette's... don't ever change...

Posted by: Lisa on May 10, 2006 10:52 PM


At the risk of being shot by the PC police, what happened was only the law of delayed natural selection at work. Usually Darwin's theory prevents the "lesser" among us from being able to leave progeny.

This time it just offed the progeny.

I hope the Brink's truck delivering the wads of cash mom will win in her lawsuit (courtesy of other idiots to whom hopefully Darwin's Theory will also apply) blows a fuckin' tire as she runs out to meet it and runs her over in the yard in front of her mobile home.

My 2c. Watch yer' blood pressure, man.

D. Edgren

Posted by: D. Edgren (the Merciless Infidel) on May 10, 2006 11:20 PM

I say we just remove the warning labels from everything and let Darwin do the rest... and in a couple of years we'll be a lot better off.

I mean.... c'mon.... a hair drier warning the user "not to use in bathtub"? Sad times we live in.

Posted by: Pete on May 11, 2006 12:29 AM

She mighta known better if they actually TAUGHT something useful in modern schools....
like the Law of Gravity.
She skipped class the day they covered condom usage I suspect.

Posted by: Horrabin on May 11, 2006 01:13 AM

... brother, I've been watching the BBC for almost two weeks... I think I'm developing a European strain of your ailment...

Posted by: Eric on May 11, 2006 02:25 AM

I question all the lawsuits flying around these days... but reading this just makes me feel sad for the mother.

Posted by: Vermont Neighbor on May 11, 2006 04:15 AM

Maybe you can team up with this guy...

Posted by: Lisa W on May 11, 2006 07:08 AM

Here is my proposal:

WARNING: You are too fucking stupid to procreate. Please have all of your sexual organs removed, burned and the ashes scattered over your garden. If you should choose to ignore this warning, then please understand that anything untoward which might befall you or the product of your loins is your own fucking fault, and we will not bail your ass, or that of your progeny out of the fire. (That would be the fire into which you should have tossed those organs...)

Thank You,

The Department of Warnings Department
Washington, D.C.
The United States of It is Everybody Else's Damn Fault

Posted by: John V. on May 11, 2006 07:53 AM

Sometimes, I swear, I feel like I just showed up on this world yesterday (I'm actually a fourth generation American) ... Can someone please 'splain to me why in G*d's name anyone would ever want to do anything to a television besides watch it or perhaps give it the occasional slap for better reception ... Climbing on a television?! Good Lord! When I was a kid, I would jump up and down on the couch, flip in midair at the risk of spraining my neck (which I did once -- in a gymnastics class, where sports injuries are supposed to occur), and do cartwheels all over the place. Never once have I looked at a television and thought ... Hmmmm ... monkey bars!
(although, one time I did incur injury form trying to move a television set to the basement .. sprained my sacroiliac ... THAT FREAKIN' HURT!)
What the heck is wrong with people?! Yeah, put warning labels on television sets, "Do not climb on." Ha ... what's next? "No diving allowed" warning labels on toilet bowls?

Posted by: erica on May 11, 2006 09:16 AM

I think I've got that one beat... (oldie but goodie):

Posted by: Strider on May 11, 2006 12:07 PM

Yeah, warning labels ... but WHERE in the name of all that is holy was the warning label the one time in my life I really, Really, REALLY needed one - at the engagement ring display?

Posted by: maggot on May 11, 2006 12:14 PM

What do you expect. They live in NYC. I know there are some smart people there but, well, they also elected Hillary to the Senate.

Posted by: Titan Mk6B on May 11, 2006 12:47 PM

"A two-year-old was killed in March by a 37-inch television that fell off a dresser. "

These folks must own the best porn ever made!

I might add, I've NEVER seen a dresser large enough to hold such a box!

Posted by: TC on May 11, 2006 01:08 PM

What's stupid is that most new TV's already have this warning in the manual. Perhaps if she'd read the manual this "tragedy" wouldn't have happened. But that requires personal responsibility and we can't possibly allow that...

Just for grins, I checked the manual for my TV. On Page 4 there's a little icon of a TV falling on a child and two paragraphs of warnings about proper mounting.

Posted by: Aubrey Turner on May 11, 2006 02:49 PM

I would think if your kid is big enough to pick up a TV, he's big enough to get out of the way when one jumps on him. But that's just me, I guess.

Posted by: Terry on May 11, 2006 05:09 PM

How 'bout warning labels placed on the asses or foreheads of babies that say, "WARNING: Do not leave this child unattended!"

Posted by: SWMBO on May 12, 2006 05:59 PM
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