May 02, 2006
After this post, I'm not gonna write any more about the Blown-Star Blog Meet except to post an occasional link to some pictures, since I fucked up and didn't take any myself, even though I brought my camera. If you were there, you'll understand my selections. If you WEREN'T there, that's your tough shit. You'll just have to trust me.
best stunt driver. Not only does he jump curbs in a single bound in the hotel parking lot, he also drives a flaming Cadillac. The man obviously is a shameless attention-whore.
oldest fart. Heh. He's got me beat by almost ten years, but he can talk your ears off.
best instigator. This is the man who managed to work "flaming chipmunks" into a one-sided conversation while maintaining a straight face. Everyone listening was impressed. (I think "The Flaming Chipmunks" would make a good name for a rock & roll band.) He also resembles a mime when he wears an excess of sun-screen on his face.
least grouchy. I don't care WHAT he calls himself. He is a pleasure to be around, and a damn good kazoo-player, too.
prettiest smile. What do you expect? Her husband is a dentist. She's got pretty toes, too.
fiestiest mama. NOT Christina--- her mama, who tells hilarious dirty jokes in mixed company and makes some of the best fried won-tons I've ever tasted. I almost filled up eating those before I attacked the delicious barbecue at The Salt Lick. I shoulda told HER a fart-joke. I'll bet she would have laughed.
my favorite yankee (male category). Okay, he's from Joisey and he's a got-dam lawyer. But he plays guitar and has the most enviable head of thick
my favorite yankee (female category). This tall, good-looking woman had a long drive to arrive, and she fell asleep at the wheel along the way. this guy had to wake her up. I'm glad that they didn't crash, but she told that story in most excellent fashion. She already had HER toenails painted red for the occasion, dammit! I never had the chance to "do" her. But I'm hoping for a next time...
best zonker. What can I say? A blog-meet is NOT a blog-meet without a Zonker. He's also a very chivalrous Southern gentleman. If you don't believe ME, just ask her. Zonk changed his flight home to protect her (and the bun in the oven) from Homeland Security.
most displaced rebel. This guy needs to move to Jawja. Preferably to Effingham County. I think he would like the fishin,' shootin' and bullshittin' we do around here.
best acorn off the old oak tree. Some don't fall far from the source. Did YOU know that barbecue comes with "Sooo-ah-us" on it? Neither did I, until I heard her say it. If she weren't already taken and I didn't like her father so much, I mighta made a letcherous move on her...
best designated driver. Thank you for everything you did, darlin.' Especially for chauffering my Cracker ass around Texas.
least like what I expected. I'm smoking the cigar he gave me as I type. Marcus is younger and more quiet than the mental image I formed from his blog. But I'll let you in on a secret--- he likes pretty, feminine toes as much as I do.
most dignity, with debauchery. I was gonna name him "My Favorite Jew," but I figured that somebody would get their panties in a wad and denounce me as a racist anti-semite if I did that, so I didn't. He gave me a really nice trophy. I'm kinda sorry that I let loose that prize-winning fart in his car on the way back from the Salt Lick. I'll do ANYTHING for attention.
best tee shirt. It pays to advertise. Since I'm out of Gut Rumbles bumper stickers, I think I'll move into tee shirts next.
father of flaming chipmunks. Don't ask. You had to be there...
biggest risk-taker. She came to the blog-meet not knowing what to expect. Even her worst nightmares didn't come close to what she found. Intrepid, I tell you! Intrepid!
ten pound titty award. Okay, they are a mere nine and one-half pounds now, but they were perfect TENS once upon a time. So SHE says. I'm still trying to figure out how she weighed those things.
Okay, that's enough. If I left you off this link-fest, it's NOT because I don't like you. I just ran out of gas--- that's all.
(UPDATE: I AM NOT in this picture.)
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