Gut Rumbles

April 25, 2006

he's pissing me off

Most of the stuff I planted in my garden is looking pretty good, but it ain't looking this good.

For one thing, I planted MY garden IN THE GROUND instead of in some pussy-assed boxes that insulate plants from the blessed hand of Mother Nature. MY plants have a challenge--- they ain't cradled in no comfy welfare state. MY plants have a fight on their hands.

As soon as I threw some fertilizer on the ground, every goddam weed known to mankind sprouted in my carefully-tilled soil. In fact, I believe that some of the shit poking up out there IS NOT known to mankind. That stuff came from alien seed-pods scattered by UFOs on their latest visit to earth.

Remember the dog that stomped on my tender, young okra? I haven't seen him around for days. I think the weeds in my garden ate him. I'm kinda worried that my tiller is gonna disappear next. Or ME, once I start trying to get rid of those killer weeds.

That's what you get when you have a REAL garden instead of a condominium complex for plants.



I have been doing this gardening bit in Florida sand for a long time and being not only a procrastinator but lazy, I do my damnest to take care of the fucking weeds before I ever get started. Gives me more time to sit on the back porch and watch the treerats fuck.

And keep in mind, I got an early start. I had mine planted early and you got a late start because of that hole in your stomach.

Posted by: GUYK on April 25, 2006 01:45 PM

Damn, Rob has his panties in a wad about a garden. Be a real man, hire a mexican.

Posted by: jamesoldguy on April 25, 2006 02:10 PM

I have to agree with ya, Rob, that just ain't right. But on the other hand, we planted our onions this weekend and it fucking snowed this morning.

Posted by: Raging Mom on April 25, 2006 03:37 PM

Or come and plant where everything will grow.
Even ego's here grow bigger.
Hole's in the stomach; however, grow smaller.

Posted by: KeesKennis on April 25, 2006 03:38 PM

Fukkit, I like the boxes. Dump some Red Hybrid fishing worms in there, and watch that fucker grow. I used ta get tomaters the size of your head, no shit. Throw your old cooking grease on the dirt, they will eat the heck out of it, and shit pure nitrogen. You will HEAR your garden growing.

Posted by: Bane on April 25, 2006 04:31 PM

Make that an illegal mexican Rob. For their children....

Posted by: ScottG on April 25, 2006 06:12 PM

Gotta be a one hired in a rain storm right? As in full wet back? :)

Pissin and moaning about your garderning in FL? Fuck that, try Utah!

Snow does happen ! Though we got blessed with temps in the 20's after I planted, no make that transplanted the tomatoes Easter Sunday. I suppose some will curse me for doing such on the sabeth eh?

Posted by: TC on April 26, 2006 04:59 AM

I gave up a few years ago and stuck containers in the ground. The problem is that Wifey had to have white crushed stone, and that shit is a bitch to have to move around when you have to replant the fucking dead thing AGAIN. Maybe I should just hire me an illegal, er, "legally challenged" individual.

Posted by: disconnect on April 26, 2006 08:05 AM

Oh as if doing it *way* harder than necessary is a badge of honor? Boxes rock.

Posted by: Desert Cat on April 26, 2006 11:30 AM
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