Gut Rumbles

April 21, 2006

eat your heart out

I went grocery shopping today when I was hungry. Got-dam! I KNOW better than to do that, because I always end up with a buggy full of shit that makes me look like I'm catering a stoner's convention with a bad case of the munchies instead of stocking my pantry. Today was no exception.

I'll never eat ALL of a double-filled cherry pie, or that bunch of strawberry creme cheese strudel bites, or the two big jars of olives, or the ten cans (10 for $10!!!) of baby lima beans, or the two-for-one Kielbasa sausages, or the six boxes of flavored instant mashed potatoes, or the big jar of Peter Pan peanut butter, or the box of townhouse crackers, or the five pounds of snow crab legs I bought. But I was in a quiet food frenzy. I couldn't restrain myself.

Bejus! They had some very pretty New York Strip steaks for $4.99 a pound. I bought a dozen. BEAUTIFUL collard greens at $.129 a bunch--- a bought one bunch--- and got royally pissed off when I saw the price of ham hocks. The damn hocks cost almost as much as the fucking New York Strip steaks. That just ain't right. I didn't buy any. I had plenty of bacon at home and that'll work for seasoning in a pinch.

But I did buy some Mexican popcicles. I am NOT making this shit up. You can get a BIG plastic bag of 24 popcicles, made in Mexico and distributed out of Cincinnati, Ohio, for less than the Kroger brand box of 12, made in the USA. I read the package and learned that a popcicle is called a "paleta" in Spanish, and these were "con sabores artificiales" and "el inigualable sabor helado." I wondered how in the hell any company could make money by importing popcicles, then I bought two bags.

Total damage was $149, after I threw in a carton of cigarettes and a book of stamps. Not too bad, considering the fact that I didn't even venture down the beer aisle. That place scares me anymore.

I decided what I'm having for supper tonight. I'm going to eat snow crab legs and strip steak, with Kielbasa sausage, mashed potatoes and baby lima beans on the side. I'll have cherry pie for dessert and cheese strudel bites for breakfast tomorrow. I'm going to cook the collard greens this evening and eat them tomorrow. In between, I'll suck on a lot of Mexican popcicles.

Yeah, I live a rough life. Eat your heart out.


Better watch out with them popsicles. Betcha you get some fun south-of-the-border flavors like tamarind, guava, jalapeno, nopales (cactus) and probably chili & lime.

Hard to go wrong with some Otter Pops, man...

Posted by: El Capitan on April 21, 2006 03:00 PM

It's best not to ponder too much on how a company can make money importing popcicles.

Nothing good can come of that brain exercise:)

Posted by: kam on April 21, 2006 03:36 PM

Mmmmm. Crab legs.

Used to have them every year on April 1 but got a bad batch a few years ago and had to stay away for a while.

Then I watched a TV show called "Deadliest Catch" about snow crab boats/fisherman, and started craving them again. Funny, it's the only creature I can see alive, and want to eat it!

Posted by: Jane on April 21, 2006 03:48 PM

I guess that I don't have to ask how you're doing after your ulcer surgery...

Posted by: Rich on April 21, 2006 04:12 PM

Better watch them mexican popsicles. If they're made from mexican water, you might wind up back in the hospital with another aching gut problem or your ass might be making chalupas by morning. :-)

Posted by: assrot on April 21, 2006 06:13 PM

In Jersey, only liquor stores sell beer. When the Usual Suspects go to Florida, I am always happily surprised to be able to buy beer in supermarkets and in convenience stores. (Rob, it would be more comfortable for you to buy your groceries in a Jersey supermarket.)

The good news is that we have LOTS of liquor stores around here.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on April 21, 2006 06:57 PM

With all the money you're saving by not buying alcohol, you've got plenty extra to spend on good food. Live it up - you've earned it. All that's left for you to do now is to quit smoking. Think of the extra money you'll have then.

Posted by: Chris on April 21, 2006 07:11 PM

Rub it in you skinny fucker.

Posted by: GUYK on April 21, 2006 07:21 PM

wait a minute...INSTANT MASHED POTATO'S? i'm ashamed, and suspect your mama would be too....

Posted by: stratguy on April 21, 2006 09:16 PM

Oh please. Can you see Rob *peeling potatoes*?!

Posted by: Desert Cat on April 21, 2006 09:22 PM

Jeez, your dinner would feed me for a week.

Posted by: Libby on April 22, 2006 09:11 AM

Now THIS is a post to make me smile...

and remind myself when I do my "big" shopping trip today (the one without taking the kiddos along) to stuff my face before I go.

Nice to see ya eating like a pig again!

Posted by: susan on April 22, 2006 10:28 AM

The Mexican aisle is a great way to save money. Compare next time you need dry beans or spices. If you read the label you'll often find they are from the same company as the American brand you would have bought, but much cheaper!

Posted by: MJH on April 22, 2006 01:27 PM

I will skip a weeks chow for another tattoo. Six inches would work working on a sleeve...

Posted by: Murry on April 23, 2006 04:37 AM
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