Gut Rumbles

December 01, 2005

can you hear me now?

I remembered where I parked the car. It was right over there under the streetlight in the parking lot. I arrived at twilight and it was dark now, but I could see the car plain as day. I walked up to it and hit the "unlock" button on my keyless remote.

I heard a "click," and I tried to open the door. No go. The door was still locked. I hit the "unlock" button again. No click this time and the door still wouldn't open.

Hmmm... WTF was this?

I hit the "lock" and "unlock" buttons a couple of times and heard the distinct sound of a car door locking and unlocking. I tried the door again and it remained stubbornly locked. I stepped over under the streetlight to examine the remote to make sure I was pressing the right buttons. I was.

I turned around to go back to the car and try again when I saw it.

THERE was MY car, two spaces away from the one I was trying to steal gain access to. The clicks I heard were coming from OVER THERE! Evidently, my keyless remote has at least a 10-yard range on it.

I looked around furtively to make sure nobody was a witness to my colossal brain-fart. Quickly, I stepped over to MY car, got inside and drove away.

Bejus! That episode was no anomaly, either. I am stuck on stupid anymore. The feeling is quite disconcerting.

But it's better than being stuck on drunk.


Dont be so hard on yourself. A couple months back my husband is walking to his truck (after work) and he sees this woman (mid 50's or so) struggling with a set of keys (trying to unlock his truck) When he gets up closer, she is now on a cell phone, telling her husband that her KEYS arent working....

When my husband (rather sheepishly) tells her that her keys probably DO work (but in her truck, parked a couple of spaces away) she was aghast....and apologetic....

This shit happens to a lot of us, even when we havent been thru what you have....

Posted by: Ruth on December 1, 2005 09:44 AM

Oh don't feel bad Rob, I've done that more than once, and of course I got caught each time. One woman even called the cops because she was convinced I was trying to steal her car.

Posted by: livey on December 1, 2005 09:46 AM

It'll pass Rob. Hang in there.


I am so happy that you are back!!!!

Posted by: blondage on December 1, 2005 09:58 AM

Hey, I did almost the same thing in the Kroger parking lot in Appomattox, VA. Only in my case, when I got to the driver side door and noticed the window was down I became a little concerned. As I reached for the door I noticed a woman sitting in the passenger seat. I hollered out loud and scared her just as bad as she scared me. It was as I leapt about four paces away that i realized my Jeep was parked in front of theirs. I apologized profusely and quickly drove away...

Posted by: Adam on December 1, 2005 10:00 AM

Been there, done that myself. It is embarassing.

Posted by: Maeve on December 1, 2005 10:05 AM

That's no so bad. My father once borrowed my car to drive to church in East Harlem, NYC, and left the keys hanging in the door lock.

Proof of miracles is that the car (and keys) was still there after the two hour mass.

Posted by: Vtwin on December 1, 2005 10:12 AM

At least you have a good excuse (brain is "rebooting"). I've done this and I hve no good excuse. I was with my son and he made a smart ass comment. He didn't notice that it was the wrong car either, I take note. :o)

Posted by: Suz on December 1, 2005 10:12 AM

I don't have a keyless lock thing, but I know the feeling of doing similar things that feel like major brain farts. Even if maybe they're not so bad.

Posted by: Zeuswood on December 1, 2005 10:19 AM

We are all stuck on stupid most of the time. Look at the people around you as you are driving down the road. Cell phones held to one ear while they talk and wave their other hand for emphisis. They are supposed to be driving but nobody is home. The alcohol blocked a lot of what you didn't realize and gave you a sense of invincibility. Wecome back to the real world.

Posted by: Willy on December 1, 2005 10:44 AM

What a hoot. I thought I was the only one who did these sort of things. Glad to know I'm not the only one. LOL. Hope this finds you well....

Posted by: No MO on December 1, 2005 10:47 AM

Well wait until the battery dies in you key remote and you stand like an idiot beside your car with a perfect set of key hanging off the remote wondering how you will get in your car.

Posted by: james old guy on December 1, 2005 10:47 AM

You've got a good set of ears, though.

Posted by: Maggie on December 1, 2005 11:20 AM

Hell I did that a couple of weeks ago here in the driveway at the family homestead and there was only 2 cars there. It was a long day and I was stone cold sober - as I always am when I'm hanging with the grandtyke.

I tried for five minutes to get into my daughter's car with my keys. I even went back inside to get my son in law to help figure out what was wrong. He had to tell me I was trying to get into the wrong car.

It was dark and the cars do sort of look alike but it was just a case of brain overload.

Posted by: Libby on December 1, 2005 11:29 AM

shit, I spent ten minutes the other day trying to open my car up until the real owner asked me what the fuck I was doing. only then did I see my car across the isle.

Posted by: Greg Beck on December 1, 2005 11:36 AM


At the tire place I frequented and recent comment was: "Jeez guys, it's not even the same colour as mine." Apparently one set of keys worked ina completely different car of the same model.

Driving the wrong car away. Now THAT's embarassing.

Posted by: Fred on December 1, 2005 11:46 AM

Kids, I'd like to tell you its gonna get better, but sadly, it WONT.

I spent a frantic morning last summer, trying to figure out where a "missing" check was....even called the bank.

Husband comes in the house and says "Is this the check you are looking for?" (I had stapled it, in an envelope, to the back fence for the lawn mower guy who had brought my lawn tractor back from servicing) Only thing was, when he GOT here, I wrote out another check, completely forgetting that I had left one out for him, (in case I missed his delivery)

Posted by: Ruth on December 1, 2005 11:50 AM

A few years back, I waited in front of a Dallas hotel while my hubby brought the SUV around. As he pulled up, but not quite close enough, another lady standing closer opened the passenger door and hopped in. Quite amusing...mainly because it wasn't me doing it that time. I think WILLY (poster above) had an excellent response.

Posted by: Tessa on December 1, 2005 11:56 AM

Well, hell, I was born stupid, then because I am forever doing shit like that. The only reason I recognize the Camaro is because there's a big chunk gone from the rear bumper.

Shit, they tried to say I was OCD because I'm so paranoid about locking my keys in my car or house...I mean, you can only screw yourself so many times before you learn to just not trust yourself, is what I thought. Oh hell no, I had to have a PILL for that. They didn't work...but I didn't give a damn anymore.

Posted by: Kelly on December 1, 2005 11:57 AM

It's for times like this that I have my bumper sticker....
Happy, Joyous, and Free! Distinguishes my car from all the hundreds of other white compacts around.

And yes, it sure is better than stuck on drunk! You'll know this more and more as time goes on.

Posted by: Maggie45 on December 1, 2005 12:45 PM

I've been clean and sober for 11 years...and I did the exact same thing about 3 months ago in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Posted by: Joe on December 1, 2005 12:48 PM

Well, I did worse. I got home from work one day, had my arms full and stood on my front porch clicking my unlock keyring at my HOUSE DOOR. Could not figure why it wasn't opening. Wish someone would invent that!

So good to have you here again, A-man

Posted by: Library Lady on December 1, 2005 12:51 PM

I think I told this story here before, but now that you're stupid, you won't remember. So enjoy it!

I was playing my guitar one day. I paused for a moment to do something, and was just going to start playing guitar again, but where's my pick? I just had it two seconds ago, now where is it? Not on the floor, not on the chair, not tucked in the guitar strings, not in my pockets, not anywhere around. What?

I looked all over the house for a pick, for about half an hour. Finally I was like, screw it, I'll just fingerpick. So I sat there and strummed for a while. Then I saw something which surprised me. I don't remember exactly what; it was just something you don't expect to see, like water dripping out of the TV set or something like that. Anyway, I saw something which surprised me, and my jaw dropped, and the guitar pick fell out of my mouth.

As for this car-unlocking business, that could happen to anyone.

Posted by: dipnut on December 1, 2005 12:56 PM

After a sudden blinding snowstorm my friend and I dashed from the mall and struggled to neatly scrape all the snow off....the car next to mine. I'm sure the car's owner was snickering and watching from the warm comfort of the mall's doors.

Posted by: Sherry on December 1, 2005 01:41 PM

I hit the panic button on my keys to find my car after shopping...ditz, yeah...lost? Nope

Posted by: Kel on December 1, 2005 01:46 PM

Ok, here's another one. I have forgotten to take an aspirin for a migraine. While walking across the room to get the aspirin. 3 times in a row before I finally got it right. I am not lying. You'd think the pain in my head would have reminded me why I was standing in front of the medicine cabinet looking like an idiot..

Posted by: Kelly on December 1, 2005 01:50 PM

Hell, I almost DID it.

I SUCCESSFULLY UNLOCKED "my" 30 year old, white, WV beetle, and STARTED the bastard.

I thought the ignition was a little stiff.

It wasn't until I grabbed the stick and realized that it had one of those bull-shit custom shift knobs.

MINE was parked one space over.

That's the closest I've come to grand-theft auto.


Posted by: Lamont Cranston on December 1, 2005 02:57 PM

I pranced out of a restaurant one day after lunch and proceeded to lift the driver's side door handle thus setting off the car alarm of the vehicle that didn't belong to me.
I sorta moseyed on down the row fastlike.

Posted by: Kim on December 1, 2005 04:04 PM

I was sitting in a bar on Lower Greenville in Dallas one autumn afternoon... this guy walks in and asks "Who drives a Ford Explorer"... "I do, why?" ... "Dude -- my remote unlocks your doors!"... He then proceeded to show me.

Reminds of a criminal-type bouncer I used to have... he said remote garage door openers are a lottery ticket for burglars... just have to drive up and down the streets pressing the remote until the bad guy's remote frequency opens someones garage door... WTF!!

Posted by: Madfish Willie on December 1, 2005 07:49 PM

Beats locking the keys in your car...with the engine running. Did that once at the Atlanta airport. The cops gave me a coat hanger to pick the lock with - helpful to the last.

Posted by: Elisson on December 1, 2005 08:28 PM

Now where's that screwdriver I just had? Just unscrewed the power supply on my old comp, have to install the new one...
it HAS to be here, I haven't been anywhere else.
Damn! (searches frantically).
On the bed under the old power supply....

Happens all the time.
Brain/hand disconnect.
Brain: meet hand. Now remember what hand just did.

Posted by: Horrabin on December 1, 2005 08:45 PM

My husband and I used to live across from a country club/golf course and the battery operated GOLF CARTS used to open our garage door. Amazing. But that wasnt as bad as all the GOLF BALLS that used to HIT our house. You couldnt go out in the yard to mow the lawn unless you donned a PITH HELMET fer crissakes.

Posted by: Ruth on December 1, 2005 08:50 PM

Hey, it's not just you; I'm in the middle of studying for exams and writing a zillion brain is supreme mush-o-la at the moment. I'm often driving, thinking to myself, "I really shouldn't be driving right now; I've got WAY too much on my mind"....
Welcome to dementia, brother...:) happens to the best of us...

Posted by: Lisa on December 1, 2005 10:00 PM

---no ! no ! -you are going about this ALL WRONG. you push the *panic* button, and follow the noise to locate your vehicle. (standard method from the Mid-Atlantic states). Anyone remember about 1971, everyone put a plastic daisy on their radio antenna to stand-out from the rest of the parked cars? Hundreds of cars, all with daisies....

Posted by: adele on December 2, 2005 01:55 AM

ok...a couple of things...first..most of the above has happened to me...except the guitar pic thing...thats funny.

But two things, specifically.

Came out of the small town grocery store with a small sack of grocery items. Hopped into my unlocked car put key in ignition, dayum key wouldn't budge to turn it on...looked around inside of car...good lawd I don't keep my car in this mess of a condition...prepared to make hasty exit of said car and a woman was standing there mouth wide wondering WTF i was doing in her car. Lucky its a small town.
Second...sitting in MY car, in the passenger seat, while Dearest Love runs into a store for his latest "got to have" toy. Man and women in thier mid to late 60s' exit said store and i watch them walk the parking lot. Woman heads straight for their car, three empty spaces from mine. The gentleman, opens the drivers door to my car, plops his butt down, and politely asks me WTF am I doing in his car. All the while his wife/ladyfriend is screaming..."HARRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
Thought I would split a gut laughin'!
AGAIN..thank gawd for small towns.

It's not just you, Sugar. But it is funny.

Posted by: imp on December 2, 2005 05:37 AM

whoa...cyber monkey ate part of my post. Thing looked substantially fed to me.

First part of post was about me actually getting into someones car at the local grocery market, inserty key in ignition and wondering why the key wouldn't budge, looking around car and realizing i didn't keep my car in such a mess, and exiting car with a woman standing, mouth agape, wondering WTF I was doing in her car. We both had a good laugh. Thank gawd for small towns.

Posted by: imp on December 2, 2005 05:44 AM

dayum cyber monkey playing tricks on me.
Sorry 'bout that!

Posted by: imp on December 2, 2005 05:46 AM

hummm...still didn't post it all (maybe IT'S having brain farts!) ...but ya get the

Posted by: imp on December 2, 2005 05:53 AM
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