November 30, 2005
I didn't post anything yesterday. I was too damned busy.
I went to visit my 94 year-old grandmother, who gave me two bottles of apple juice when I mentioned that I'm supposed to be eating lots of fruits and vegetables now. She ALWAYS wants to feed me or give me something to take home when I visit. I took the juice and made her very happy.
I went to an AA meeting.
Some friends came by while I was in the hospital and cleaned my house. Now I can't find a damn thing around here. They also threw away almost everything in my refrigerator because that stuff was growing evil-looking heads, insectile legs and clicking mandibles. I think an alien invasion was immenent. So, I had to go to the grocery store and lay in some fresh supplies.
By the time I finshed all that, the time was nigh for me to be back in Statesboro for my Outpatient Counceling, which I signed up for to help me stay steady for a while. That also will help me find a good sponsor to bog a foot in my Cracker ass when I need it. I didn't get home until almost 9:00 last night and I was flat worn out.
Besides, I'm having a bad case of Post Acute Withdrawal. I feel as if someone removed my brain, stuck it on a post, shot it full of holes and then placed it sideways back in my head. My short-term memory has gone to crap. I have difficulty focusing on ANYTHING for more than a few seconds. I just kinda zone out a lot.
My councelor told me that this goof-cloud I'm riding is perfectly normal. As he put it, I poured enough alcohol and dope into the back of my computer to short it out, and repairs sometimes take a while. He told me that I should carry a notebook in my pocket and write things down so I don't forget them.
I told him that I would lose the notebook in the shape I'm in right now. He said that this, too, will pass, if I don't backslide.
So, I didn't blog yesterday. I went to bed at 10:30 PM, still clean and sober.
One day at a time, folks. One day at a time.
Go, Rob, GO!!!! forward, my man. think of all the money you've spent over the years to get as fucked up as you feel drying out. :) you can do it, we love you, jawjah bloghead.
Heh... enjoy the ride, man.
Idle hands are the Devils workshop...or some horseshit like that. Busy is good.
Set up a calendar on your computer, and set LOTS of those annoying little reminders!
You haven't lost your style with prose. Stay in the rooms, 90 in 90, one hour at a time, etc. You will like the upgrade in your life.
Not to worry, it does take a while to rewire the brain from functioning buzzed to functional sober but you still got the touch for blogging Acidman.
Thanks for finding time to post. We worry out here when we don't hear from you.
Hmm... kind of reminds me of the scene in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" when Jack Nicholson came back from his shock therapy session. Everyone thought he was brain dead, all of the sudden he says "I really had you all fooled" and was soon back to his old self and antics.
They are right, this too shall pass -- may feel like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Hang in there minute-by-minute hour-by-hour and day-by-day. Whatever else may be going on, you still have your prose. Know thoughts are with you
Good job, man. Keep on fighting. Even though it's difficult, it is worth it.
Just had to stop lurking here long enough to give up the good thought for you.
Stay the course! You've got it licked before you even realize it's over; trust me.
Now you know what my mind is like. Be glad it's not permanent! Glad to see you taking control, was worried about you yesterday. Hang in there you can do it.
The muse was not lost!
I love your crisper, cleaner writing.
You're back, you're better, and getting more so every day.
Get a little notebook and put it in one of those leather trucker's wallets and chain it to your belt. It'll work as long as you don't lose your pants.
You're the engineer on this train, Rob.
Keep your hand on the throttle and your eye on the track. Every click of the rails tells you that you're still in charge of YOUR train.
Now I've got that Joe Walsh song going through my head.
Your wonderful mind and facinating personality will only come out brighter and better now. All my best to you!
I'm an everyday reader and next to negligible poster, but I'm proud of you, Rob. If my Daddy had done what you did, he might still be with us now.
The writing is better, much better.
You can do it - one day at a time. You've got lots of support, and a lot of respect from your friends here. Good luck.
Notebook?! Hell, just post the list and let your fans help ya!! We love tellin ya what to do! Give us a chance!!
Congrats Rob. You are kicking ass!
I have to admit that I missed your writitng yesterday. But, more than anything else right now I want you to take care of yourself.
Good going, friend. Glad you are going to outpatient as well as meetings; helped this 'hippie from Miss'ippi" stay on track. Amazing the way it takes time to clear the misconnections in the mind. You are doing the good & right actions towards staying sharp again. Keep on keepin' on. Good to have you back.
Good to have you back. Hang in there.
Rob, hang in there. You're doing great!! I put the following in your comments on Nov 9, and it holds true for this post also.
Hang in there, Rob. My first year sober my short term memory suddenly disappeared and I had to write every thing down if I had any hope of doing what I was supposed to do. And I'd be in the middle of a sentence and my mind would go blank. Which scared the hell out of me, because when I was drinking I was known for my memory and for being extremely articulate. You got it right about the engine pinging. And yeah, it improves with time as long as the booze isn't there anymore. I'm glad you're in a safe place, and learning all about alcohism. And that it was your decision. It WILL save your life. Just do what they say. (grin) It's been 21 years now for me.
Posted by: Maggie45 on November 9, 2005 12:16 AM
Yep. Been there and done that. But it gets a litlle easier every day and a year from now when you realize that you are actually sober--and not just dry-- you will realize that you have actually changed a life style. Good luck acidman and like you say, it is one day at a time and I have been doing it one day at a time for nigh on fifteen years now.
One day at a time....
and we will be RIGHT HERE....
one day at a time.
Hang tough....you got a hellavu alota cheerleaders yelling YOUR NAME.
You go guy! We've got your back, baby!
years ago i read the following graffiti on the side of an old abandoned building:
alcohol is a weapon of the state!
that weapon still has me in its grasp but i'm working on it.
Keep doing your best and taking care of yourself. Maybe you should get a PDA to help you remember "stuff"...
Glad to see you are on the right track. When I got out of treatment, I had a bad case of the doofus for about 6 months. After that it was off and on for a couple of years. After 2 years my brain returned to normal (as normal as it can get anyway) and I was okay until old age set in. Now I can't seem to remember anything. The good thing is I don't give a damn if I forget anymore. Keep yourself busy and go to meetings. You'll be fine before you know it.
If you're serious, 90 in 90 ... it's the only way. Well, a lot of prayer don't hurt either. As The Band said, "take what you need and leave the rest". And if talking to another'd help, I'm here for ya, man. And these folks are right ... you're writing's getting much better.
Hell, I didn't have the problem and I forget crap anyway,
Including the shopping list I wrote everything down on so I wouldn't forget to buy it.
A-man! Welcome home and back to the blog. I missed your writing and look forward to getting to know you sober.
When you get around to it, might want to change the answer to the question, "Do you drink?" on your About Me page. I want to know what stirs your muse now....
I'll continue to send good jou-jou your way (I'd say I'll keep you in my prayers--same thing--but don't want to offend) 'cause I know the toughest part of your rehab is probably beginning now. You have all my respect for your fighting a good fight. You go, man.