Gut Rumbles

November 21, 2005

For The Blog: Cat Bombs

I've been hit by small-arms fire in the form of "cute" cat pictures. I've also been carpet-bombed by cat-cards from all over the country. Somebody even hit me with a tactical nuke in the form of a "Cat-O-Poly" board game. I thought I had seen it all. I was mistaken.

Toni Kilpatrick launched a full spread of photon torpedos and scored a crippling hit on the starship Acidman with a stuffed cat complete with battery-powered "meows". The nurses thought it was so adorable that they INSISTED that I keep the damn thing in my room.

There it sits as I write- staring at me from my bedside desk. It has blue eyes and it's nose lights up red when it meows. It radiates pure, unadultrated cat evil. It's just waiting for the right moment when I'm asleep at night to creep onto my chest and suck all the breath out of me. Adorable, my cracker ass.

Toni, thank you for the wonderful gift. One fine day, I will track you down and express my gratitude in person by choking you with my bare hands.

I hate goddamn cats!

(Posted by Acidman in letters from rehab)



Posted by: Maeve on November 21, 2005 10:15 PM

All of those who dislike cats,
Were themselves,
In former lives, rats.

Anyone as grouchy as you are, has gotta be getting better. I am glad.


Posted by: Gerry N. on November 21, 2005 10:36 PM

My son is too! He had a FIT when I brought it in tha house. "Moooooooom. Would u shut that damn thing OFF?!"
*runs n hides*
I wanna LIVE.
Glad dat pussy has found a rightious perch to glare at ya.

Posted by: Lil Toni on November 21, 2005 10:40 PM

Rob sounds better than I've ever heard him, since I first started reading him.

Posted by: Bane on November 21, 2005 10:51 PM

Absolutely hilarious. Notice the double standard? Nice handmade soap gets confiscated because Rob might get high on the fumes, but a stuffed electronic cat that *clearly* could be concealing a bazooka or a death ray gets right in. They must have cashed your check recently. Oh, and I had nothing to do with *this* cat robot. Not one of mine. Really.

Posted by: bad cat robot on November 21, 2005 11:48 PM

post script....
I luv u too, Acidman.

Posted by: Lil Toni on November 22, 2005 01:00 AM

Sounds like Acidman is on his way back!!

Posted by: Junebugg on November 22, 2005 02:09 AM

I hope that Rob brings his cute and cuddly cat toy home, then props it up in his yard and shoots it all to hell with the guns he doesn't have.
THEN we will all know he is back to his old self..

ROFLMAO too. You people ain't right.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on November 22, 2005 05:36 AM

Well, that reminds me, I need to get a card in the mail to Rob today. My wife wanted to send him a card, but now she's chickened out and wouldn't do more than sign it. So I've gotta be the one to take the flak when he gets the card.

At least it isn't a cat. More like a cat snack.

Posted by: McGehee on November 22, 2005 09:54 AM

Hush up!

MaryKate might be listening.

Posted by: Maggie on November 22, 2005 10:11 AM

You're lucky I can't get to my stash of "Cat-in-a-Sack(s)". Although you'd probably like it.
Shake it and it starts with a woman's voice saying, "Honey, where's the cat?'
Sound of cat yowling and a toilet flushing followed by man's voice saying,"I don't know." Heh, heh, heh.

Posted by: emdfl on November 22, 2005 10:12 AM

I hope you get a REAL cat when you get home and I bet you will fall in love with her - good company for you! So glad you are doing ok and coming home - NOW keep up the rehab work!

Posted by: Anastasia on November 22, 2005 12:50 PM

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Rob.

Posted by: blondageg on November 22, 2005 01:33 PM

Typo in my name. Doh!

Posted by: blondage on November 22, 2005 01:35 PM

Hey man...
If sending Rob a toy cat gaurantees a visit from him, for retribution or whatever, then I'mina send him a REAL cat....
THEN I'd get to meet him, sure 'nuff, huh?

(Yeah. Laugh all ya's want. I've got about 20 of the danged things around here.... *weg*)

"Here Kitty, Kitty... Wanna go for a little trip in a box? Anyone? Bueller? Hey! Where'd y'all go? Kitties, KIT-ties.... C'mon guys, I only need one of ya's..."

Posted by: Stevie on November 22, 2005 01:36 PM

I have a 32 antique,here kitty killer.Is a Savage,semi,never regestered.. Will take $50 for it willsend it before the cash

Posted by: Murry on November 24, 2005 05:41 AM

Heh. Rob, my cats are praying for you. They looooove you!

Posted by: sarah on November 24, 2005 09:52 AM

now that's some funny shit. good job, Toni!

Posted by: girl on November 25, 2005 09:25 AM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.