November 07, 2005
For The Blog: Day 14 11/3/05
Today makes two weeks in rehab, and it's one of those days when my alcohol-soaked brain rebels against the pangs of sobriety. I believe that I now know what senility feels like. I open my mouth to say something profound and I never know what incoherent babble may come flying out of my neck. It's disconcerting.
I think I pissed away half my brain on these got-damn diuretic pills I'm taking.
I'm hoping to move into a private room next week. In my "transition room" I have a very large roommate who likes to keep the temperature set at Walk-In Freezer, The yankee bastard. I have two extra blankets for my bed and I'm still cold in there. The place is about the size of a decent closet with two beds crammed in there. My roomie can't sleep unless he forms frost on his breath. At least he doesn't snore.
On Tuesday, the day before I lost my brains, I won an engineering contest. The object was to take a raw egg, a handful of plastic coffee stirrers and 3 feet of 1" masking tape and build armor for the egg so that it wouldn't break when dropped on the ground.
Mine wasn't the prettiest egg (it resembled a sea urchin), but it was the only one in the contest to survive an eight foot fall intact. I was still smart that day.
Since then, I've gone completely to shit mentally. I believe that this is a normal part of the rehab process (My body is long accustomed to running on high-octane fuel - It's pinging and knocking on regular now.)
My spirit is high, even though I'm not. If the swelling in my feet and legs goes away, I might even feel pretty good. I've got a long way to go, but it will pass, one day at a time.
I miss the blog world, but it will still be there when I get out. See you soon.
~I have printed out the e-mail from last week and mailed them off today. I will have access to a printer again tomorrow, so keep the e-mails coming. I write dad everyday.
I'm glad to read that Acidman is doing well! I admire him a great deal...can't wait for him to get back and share some profound posts with us again!
Please pass my best wishes on to Rob - am rooting for successful recovery...
Ah, Rob! Great to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. Keep on keeping on.
For crissakes I dont have an alcohol soaked brain and I cant remember shit (so dont feel bad Rob)
What you have to keep in mind is, alcohol or not, the brain cells are taking a hike anyway.
I lost my cell phone charger (in the house) and I'll be damned if I know where the hell it is.....
Its gotten so bad, in fact, that I have to announce to everyone where I am putting shit, lest I never be able to find it again....(and you know how frustrating it is when you cant find your shit)
Anyway.....I bought a new book of stamps and I am locked, loaded, and ready to keep on writin', Rob....
Good to hear how you're doin.
I look forward to reading more.
Nice guest blogging too. :)
Sounds sharp as a tack to me :-D
Just a hello and hope you're doing well Rob. Remember that recovery is a process. It ain't over when you get out of rehab. I went through rehab in 1987 and it took me a few years to "return to normal" if there is a such thing. I've been clean and sober for 18 years now and I don't regret it. It is very hard at times but well worth it so far. I didn't believe I would make it for a month when I got out of rehab. Good luck to you and God Bless even if you don't believe in God, God believes in you.
you givem hell mr rob -tell that fat ass a little heat would be greatly appreciated.some people are just assholes.get well j
We miss you too, and we'll still be here when you come back...
What they said (grin). I'm rooting for ya too. It's not a lot of fun, as you say, but from now on out you may start finding fun in the damdest things; no reason there can't be positives that start showing up for you. Certainly lots of positive energy coming from most all and talk to the staff about the temperature difficulty with the roommate (if that hasn't already worked itself out); you should be using your bodies' resources to heal, not stay warm.
Your brain isn't working...shucks, honey, it probably hasn't worked for awhile now but you just were too high to notice.
Remember my poor Mama walking around the house, turning everything over, looking under stuff for her eyeglasses. Poor thing had them on her head.
She wasn't touched...it was just something comes to most folks over fifty. Now where DID my keys GO?
Forgetting is probably nature's way of making the "end" years easier...just imagine if we had to remember all the bad stuff we did when we were young and stupid.
What did they say about "ignorance being bliss"?
Rob: Another back-alley skulker thinking good thoughts and sending them your way. Will have been clean and sober myself for 6 years on Christmas eve. Now I wonder how I ever got anything done back then; time is way too precious to waste stumblin' in the fog. You can do it if you want to - here's hoping you'll continue to want to. Luck is only part of the equation; the rest is up to you.
Sounds like you are slowly being "reborn"! Please do not go "holy roller" on us.
Sorry I have not been able to keep up the
snail mail. One eye done and one to go.
Hang tough, like the "Johnny Reb" you
are! You are prayed for, whether you
like it or not...................
At what point can I insert the dildo in my ass and turn it on without my gaping asshole releasing the toxic fumes that killed my trasnvestite lover?
At what point does this guy just admit that his useless life should be over, and just do everyone a favor and jump off a bridge.
You shouldn't talk about yourself that way.
Rob's first wife, Debbie, started losing the house keys. He made her a set and tied them to her shoe strings on her tennis shoes, yes it's Sam's mama. Cat
Rob, I hope you don't have a relapse after the Auburn - Georiga game. Will they let you watch it?
you don't sound like you've pissed out your brains, dude, so keep plugging away at it and it'll work out. In the mean time you're back on our level of thinking :)
bdg......you pussy! Post an addy, you creep!
I've said this once already today, but it seems appropo for u as well....
I've got one helluvan exhaust pipe for u to suck on!
Be nice, motha fuka, or take your drivel elsewhere.
EMPATHY.........It's a state of mind. Indulge, and try to find it within.
Hang in there, Rob. My first year sober my short term memory suddenly disappeared and I had to write every thing down if I had any hope of doing what I was supposed to do. And I'd be in the middle of a sentence and my mind would go blank. Which scared the hell out of me, because when I was drinking I was known for my memory and for being extremely articulate. You got it right about the engine pinging. And yeah, it improves with time as long as the booze isn't there anymore. I'm glad you're in a safe place, and learning all about alcohism. And that it was your decision. It WILL save your life. Just do what they say. (grin) It's been 21 years now for me.
What a great story, Cat. I can just picture Debbie trying to open the door by lifting her foot up to the lock!