October 17, 2005
let's get one thing straight
I think I set an all-time record for comments on the post below this one. I thank you all for your good wishes--- that ain't a bad thing. I also hope that you will write me when I'm in the hospital. Be sure to include a return address so that I can respond.
But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. No "tough love" or posts by any other bloggers convinced me to do what I'm about to do. In fact, several of the people in question have called me to ask if I was pissed off, and I told them all the same thing.
No. I'm NOT pissed off. You had every right to say what you did about me, because it's all true. But I'm not going into the hospital to stop your nagging or because I want to please somebody else. It's a totally selfish move.
I'm to the point in my life now that I couldn't give a damn what somebody else thinks of me. And when people PUSH me, I tend to rebel and go in the opposite direction, just to prove that I can't be pushed. That may not be smart, but that's the way I am.
I'm following the philosophy I've always preached on this blog. Actions have consequenes. YOU are responsible for your own life.
When I was on my kitchen floor Saturday night in a puddle of ice water and broken glass, unable to get to my feet, I thought, "What would Samantha think if she saw me now? What would Quinton think? What would MY MAMA think, for crying out loud?"
I made my choice then and there. All three would be ashamed of me and I was ashamed of myself. I don't want to go there again.
Even when you're all fucked-up, you can un-fuck yourself if you try. That's what I intend to do.
Even when you're all fucked-up, you can un-fuck yourself if you try. That's what I intend to do.
And that's the cracker I know and love.
I have been reading your blog for a long time, and even wrote you when I was in the middle of my personal hell. You were kind enough to reply, and even gave me hope for a better tomorrow. Well, my tomorrow is better, a lot better, and I am thankful to you and your kind words.
I know why you are doing what you are about to do. And you are doing it in a true southern man way. Reach down and clean your own shit up.
I also wanted you to know that I am around, watching, and if you need anything [not that your proud ass would ask, but you never know] I will be there.
You have no reason to do this except your own, and that does NOT change the fact that there are lots of people watching and rooting for your skinny ass!
Good for you! Do it because you want to; that's my outlook on life too. The more people nag, the more determined I am not to do something. If you let me know your address, I promise to write!
That is the mark of a REAL man. Be proud of yourself, then. You are doing things for the RIGHT reasons...only a real man could do what you're doing now. My husband once said to me..."The mark of who you are is not the cards that you're dealt, it's how you play them."
okay, makin' it quick 'cause i ain't supposed to be bloggin' at work, but YAAAAAY!!!!! you are such an inspiring read, you make me wanna jump up and down 'cause you are so fuggin cool man. *BIG KISS* (MWAH!)
rob...get well soon and i am gonna bombard your ass with cheesy love letters until you put an order of protection against me.
"But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. No "tough love" or posts by any other bloggers convinced me to do what I'm about to do."
Never try to teach a pig to sing. All you'll do is waste your time and annoy the pig.
Some assembly required.
Good luck Rob.
I wish you the very best of luck. you may think it's weird, but hearing about what you've been going through has scared me enough to get some help myself. Thanks and continue to take care of yourself.
You never actually fail...
Until you stop trying.
I believe you. In fact, that was my reaction to your first post -- that is was YOUR choice, and your choice alone. That's why I'm so confident in your recovery. If anyone else had made you do it, it wouldn't have meant anything, and wouldn't stick for a second.
Good for you.
Plenty of time to be dead...when you are actually DEAD. When you are alive you oughtta hang on to it for a bit. It only lasts a little while.
Glad you are going in on your own steam. Hope to see you again soon. In the meantime I will be offering the appropriate prayers to the appropriate gods and demi-gods.
If you don't give a damn what any of your readers think, then why publish this post?
As you said, it's all about consequences and repercussions.
Let me know that address, I'll shoot you a letter or two. No pictures of my toenails painted red though, the missus got pissed last time I borrowed her nail polish.
That is the Rob Smith I was hoping to meet in Helen. Doing the right thing for himself and his children, for no other reason than that he knew it was the right thing, and not because someone else told him it was the right thing.
What I would call a mensch.
I have been waiting for this Rob, and I am very happy to hear it. I will miss you and your posts. Be tough, take care, and good luck!
I was wondering how long it would be before this post was up.
And in the end, it was pride and responsibility that saved your scrawny ass.
I'm glad. :)
Post where we can write to!
Doing it for selfish reasons will help it stick. I had to come to that point about 5 yrs ago myself. All the pushing from others, like in your case, only increased my resistance. But now you'll make it, and probably will meet some fascinating people trying to do the same thing. Good luck and keep taking the right actions. I'll try to write when you have an address.
Dude - we ALL do what we want to (ultimately) for selfish reasons. You're just more honest about it than most. Yes, I'll write, and I will include the return addy, too!
Aw heck Rob, I never believed in that tough love stuff anyway. Never understood how that silly pop psyche idea got so popular in the first place. I always thought it was just an excuse for parents to avoid dealing with their kids.
Clear as a bell that you made this choice on your own and for my own selfish reasons, I'm glad you did. I'm enjoying myself around here and would hate to see the party shut down. Go do what you got to do and we'll be waiting when you come home.
You rock cowboy, or cracker, or whatever the proper term would be.
Oh, one other thought. Could you leave an open thread up on the blog for those who really want to send you a message and just never get around to the post office?
I'm thinking someone could print out the comments once a week and send them to you.
Been in that hospital. It does get better. Just remember that you won't get any more out of it than you put into it.
I think it's the ice water that did it to you. Switch to something safe like scotch, or perhaps bourbon.
Better hang in there, ya old fart, I still owe you a ride in my rocket ship which some people amusingly refer to as a car.
Go in with your head and tail up, Rob!
Funny, our families really do stay with us, and kick us in the butt at odd times, don't they?
Get Well Rob. (that's not tough love, it's a tender friend's hope)
Best I can do right now is simply report what I'm feeling, which is, basically:
I feel so much love for you, I'm about to burst from it.
I have never been so proud of anybody before in my LIFE.
Thank you more than I could ever articulate for allowing me to be a part of your life, for sharing your life like you do.
You never cease to amaze, teach and touch me.
Glad to hear it, bro. And when it gets bad, think of Mama, cause she's watchin', and she believes, even when you don't.
Rob, you were there for Lila when she really needed it. If you need ANYTHING, she and I will be there for you. We aren't much for writing snail mail, but this is just the right excuse to start. You can relay any special requests to Catfish and he can tx us if it's something that needs to be done asap.
I'm glad that your taking the steps you need to towards regaining health. I knew you would do it; your too damned stubborn to do anything else.
Your blog family will be waiting to give you a big welcome home on your return.
Good luck with the rehab, man. I'm an avid reader, just not a commenter. You may, in fact, call me a lurker.
Is that the right word?
In any case, take care and when you get out, we'll all be here.
Sorry, I don't believe you. When you have 2 Instalanches in a week, you want to live and see the third. I don't give a fart to your stubborness. Besides, I intent to read all your posts since the beginning of the blog during this winter. I guess that what you write is more interesting than your little you... Bejus!
Geez, no Rob! God forbid anybody got the impression ANYBODY could MAKE you eat when you're hungry or come in out of the rain if that wasn't what you wanted to do.
Well, it wont' be easy, but if it was "any asshole could do it." You are a strong man for solving your own problems rather than blaming them on someone else or waiting for a big helping hand from the sky.
Glad to hear it you ornery old cracker. I was wondering when you'd get around to jockin' up and gettin' your shit in one sock. It sounds like you reached snake's belly in a wagon rut low. Like it's been said before, you may be doing this for yourself but we're all still glad you're doing it.
BTW, how'd you like those pretty red toenails I sent you?
Dom, totally great idea...I was wondering how I was going to handle the separation...you've given me the answer.
I'm going back each day to the archives....starting at the beginning.
That's all I needed to hear Darlin'
Expect summat in the post.
You are a stubborn old bastard (I knew there was something about you I liked). If you plan on un-fucking yourself, you'll do it. Just remember to post an address to that care home you're checking into. I'd hate for the mail to get lost.
Buddy of mine just got out of one and it did him a world of good. He even likes himself again.
Of course you're doing it for yourself. That's the only reason ever.
Hell, I was just fucking with you.
you go give'em hell and get well-remember the marine corp saying adapt and overcome,i know you will do just that overcome-if there is anything i can do just ask .j
You hang in there guy! Will look for you when you come out the other side. Good luck!
I hope you find peace and tranquility
Good luck. Hang in there! It's usually not anything another person says that will get you out of some rut in your life. (For example, I would just make me close them off.) It's when something happens that makes you realize "okay, this is as rock-bottom as I want to get."
I just started reading, but I wish you only the best. Hope you get well soon...
Vman still wants to juggle dildos though. In a sequined thong.
Kudos buddy, you have really grown on me for the last year. I can't seem to get through a day without checking out what you have written. You have made me laugh, cry, think and imagine more than I ever did before. I've been reading some of your posts lately on this subject and on your links. I truly believe that these people really love and care for you. Most know you better than I, obviously. I wish the best for you and promise to drop a line your way while you're laid up. I really admire the way you are taking charge of the situation and helping yourself and not blaming society, while looking for some handout. Once again, kudos to you. Let us know who will be in charge while you are recharging. Maybe there can be some way we can submit entries while you are otherwise occupied. Should be interesting to hear what your audience has on their mind (Blondage for example). Take care buddy, and I'll offer some agnostic prayers on your behalf.
damn Rob I don't give a fuck why you made your decision I am just soo glad you made the right one. I wish you the best sweetie.
Hang in there man. I wish you all the best.
Good luck man, I know you'll make it. You have more friends from this blog than you problably realise.