Gut Rumbles
 

October 17, 2005

let's get one thing straight

I think I set an all-time record for comments on the post below this one. I thank you all for your good wishes--- that ain't a bad thing. I also hope that you will write me when I'm in the hospital. Be sure to include a return address so that I can respond.

But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. No "tough love" or posts by any other bloggers convinced me to do what I'm about to do. In fact, several of the people in question have called me to ask if I was pissed off, and I told them all the same thing.

No. I'm NOT pissed off. You had every right to say what you did about me, because it's all true. But I'm not going into the hospital to stop your nagging or because I want to please somebody else. It's a totally selfish move.

I'm to the point in my life now that I couldn't give a damn what somebody else thinks of me. And when people PUSH me, I tend to rebel and go in the opposite direction, just to prove that I can't be pushed. That may not be smart, but that's the way I am.

I'm following the philosophy I've always preached on this blog. Actions have consequenes. YOU are responsible for your own life.

When I was on my kitchen floor Saturday night in a puddle of ice water and broken glass, unable to get to my feet, I thought, "What would Samantha think if she saw me now? What would Quinton think? What would MY MAMA think, for crying out loud?"

I made my choice then and there. All three would be ashamed of me and I was ashamed of myself. I don't want to go there again.

Even when you're all fucked-up, you can un-fuck yourself if you try. That's what I intend to do.

Comments

Even when you're all fucked-up, you can un-fuck yourself if you try. That's what I intend to do.

And that's the cracker I know and love.

Posted by: McGehee on October 17, 2005 09:24 AM

Rob;

I have been reading your blog for a long time, and even wrote you when I was in the middle of my personal hell. You were kind enough to reply, and even gave me hope for a better tomorrow. Well, my tomorrow is better, a lot better, and I am thankful to you and your kind words.

I know why you are doing what you are about to do. And you are doing it in a true southern man way. Reach down and clean your own shit up.

I also wanted you to know that I am around, watching, and if you need anything [not that your proud ass would ask, but you never know] I will be there.

You have no reason to do this except your own, and that does NOT change the fact that there are lots of people watching and rooting for your skinny ass!

Bob

Posted by: Bob Sanders on October 17, 2005 09:37 AM

Good for you! Do it because you want to; that's my outlook on life too. The more people nag, the more determined I am not to do something. If you let me know your address, I promise to write!

Posted by: Michele on October 17, 2005 09:42 AM

That is the mark of a REAL man. Be proud of yourself, then. You are doing things for the RIGHT reasons...only a real man could do what you're doing now. My husband once said to me..."The mark of who you are is not the cards that you're dealt, it's how you play them."

Posted by: Kelly on October 17, 2005 10:10 AM

okay, makin' it quick 'cause i ain't supposed to be bloggin' at work, but YAAAAAY!!!!! you are such an inspiring read, you make me wanna jump up and down 'cause you are so fuggin cool man. *BIG KISS* (MWAH!)
rob...get well soon and i am gonna bombard your ass with cheesy love letters until you put an order of protection against me.

Posted by: erica on October 17, 2005 10:24 AM

"But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. No "tough love" or posts by any other bloggers convinced me to do what I'm about to do."

Never try to teach a pig to sing. All you'll do is waste your time and annoy the pig.

Shit.

One sock.

Some assembly required.

Good luck Rob.

Posted by: Rich on October 17, 2005 10:27 AM

I wish you the very best of luck. you may think it's weird, but hearing about what you've been going through has scared me enough to get some help myself. Thanks and continue to take care of yourself.

Posted by: Sarah on October 17, 2005 10:45 AM


You never actually fail...

Until you stop trying.

Big Hugs

Lisa

Posted by: Lisa on October 17, 2005 10:48 AM

I believe you. In fact, that was my reaction to your first post -- that is was YOUR choice, and your choice alone. That's why I'm so confident in your recovery. If anyone else had made you do it, it wouldn't have meant anything, and wouldn't stick for a second.

Good for you.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on October 17, 2005 11:07 AM

Plenty of time to be dead...when you are actually DEAD. When you are alive you oughtta hang on to it for a bit. It only lasts a little while.

Glad you are going in on your own steam. Hope to see you again soon. In the meantime I will be offering the appropriate prayers to the appropriate gods and demi-gods.

Posted by: robert on October 17, 2005 11:14 AM

If you don't give a damn what any of your readers think, then why publish this post?

Posted by: james old guy on October 17, 2005 11:22 AM

As you said, it's all about consequences and repercussions.

Let me know that address, I'll shoot you a letter or two. No pictures of my toenails painted red though, the missus got pissed last time I borrowed her nail polish.

Posted by: phin on October 17, 2005 11:28 AM

That is the Rob Smith I was hoping to meet in Helen. Doing the right thing for himself and his children, for no other reason than that he knew it was the right thing, and not because someone else told him it was the right thing.

What I would call a mensch.

Posted by: Elisson on October 17, 2005 11:29 AM

Thank You.

Posted by: gravdigr on October 17, 2005 11:59 AM

I have been waiting for this Rob, and I am very happy to hear it. I will miss you and your posts. Be tough, take care, and good luck!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on October 17, 2005 12:00 PM

I was wondering how long it would be before this post was up.

Posted by: rightisright on October 17, 2005 12:48 PM

And in the end, it was pride and responsibility that saved your scrawny ass.

I'm glad. :)

Post where we can write to!

Posted by: Cythen on October 17, 2005 01:15 PM

Doing it for selfish reasons will help it stick. I had to come to that point about 5 yrs ago myself. All the pushing from others, like in your case, only increased my resistance. But now you'll make it, and probably will meet some fascinating people trying to do the same thing. Good luck and keep taking the right actions. I'll try to write when you have an address.

Posted by: Stu on October 17, 2005 01:37 PM

Dude - we ALL do what we want to (ultimately) for selfish reasons. You're just more honest about it than most. Yes, I'll write, and I will include the return addy, too!

Posted by: Barb on October 17, 2005 01:45 PM

Aw heck Rob, I never believed in that tough love stuff anyway. Never understood how that silly pop psyche idea got so popular in the first place. I always thought it was just an excuse for parents to avoid dealing with their kids.
Clear as a bell that you made this choice on your own and for my own selfish reasons, I'm glad you did. I'm enjoying myself around here and would hate to see the party shut down. Go do what you got to do and we'll be waiting when you come home.
You rock cowboy, or cracker, or whatever the proper term would be.

Posted by: Libby on October 17, 2005 01:47 PM

Oh, one other thought. Could you leave an open thread up on the blog for those who really want to send you a message and just never get around to the post office?
I'm thinking someone could print out the comments once a week and send them to you.

Posted by: Libby on October 17, 2005 01:50 PM

Been in that hospital. It does get better. Just remember that you won't get any more out of it than you put into it.

Posted by: MORSETAPER on October 17, 2005 02:51 PM

Bravo!

Posted by: Dogsdontpurr on October 17, 2005 02:59 PM

I think it's the ice water that did it to you. Switch to something safe like scotch, or perhaps bourbon.

Better hang in there, ya old fart, I still owe you a ride in my rocket ship which some people amusingly refer to as a car.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on October 17, 2005 03:06 PM

Go in with your head and tail up, Rob!

Funny, our families really do stay with us, and kick us in the butt at odd times, don't they?

Get Well Rob. (that's not tough love, it's a tender friend's hope)

:0P

Posted by: Nancy on October 17, 2005 03:14 PM

Wow, Rob.
I'm speechless.
Awed, even.

Best I can do right now is simply report what I'm feeling, which is, basically:

I feel so much love for you, I'm about to burst from it.
I have never been so proud of anybody before in my LIFE.
Thank you more than I could ever articulate for allowing me to be a part of your life, for sharing your life like you do.

You never cease to amaze, teach and touch me.

Posted by: Stevie on October 17, 2005 03:17 PM

Glad to hear it, bro. And when it gets bad, think of Mama, cause she's watchin', and she believes, even when you don't.

Posted by: ernie on October 17, 2005 03:27 PM

Rob, you were there for Lila when she really needed it. If you need ANYTHING, she and I will be there for you. We aren't much for writing snail mail, but this is just the right excuse to start. You can relay any special requests to Catfish and he can tx us if it's something that needs to be done asap.

I'm glad that your taking the steps you need to towards regaining health. I knew you would do it; your too damned stubborn to do anything else.

Your blog family will be waiting to give you a big welcome home on your return.

Posted by: delftsman3 on October 17, 2005 03:29 PM

Good luck with the rehab, man. I'm an avid reader, just not a commenter. You may, in fact, call me a lurker.

Is that the right word?

In any case, take care and when you get out, we'll all be here.

Posted by: jenE on October 17, 2005 04:08 PM

Sorry, I don't believe you. When you have 2 Instalanches in a week, you want to live and see the third. I don't give a fart to your stubborness. Besides, I intent to read all your posts since the beginning of the blog during this winter. I guess that what you write is more interesting than your little you... Bejus!
Dom

Posted by: dom on October 17, 2005 04:20 PM

Geez, no Rob! God forbid anybody got the impression ANYBODY could MAKE you eat when you're hungry or come in out of the rain if that wasn't what you wanted to do.

Regards,
Lamont

Posted by: Lamont Cranston on October 17, 2005 05:00 PM

Well, it wont' be easy, but if it was "any asshole could do it." You are a strong man for solving your own problems rather than blaming them on someone else or waiting for a big helping hand from the sky.

Posted by: Renee on October 17, 2005 05:20 PM

Glad to hear it you ornery old cracker. I was wondering when you'd get around to jockin' up and gettin' your shit in one sock. It sounds like you reached snake's belly in a wagon rut low. Like it's been said before, you may be doing this for yourself but we're all still glad you're doing it.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on October 17, 2005 05:43 PM

BTW, how'd you like those pretty red toenails I sent you?

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on October 17, 2005 05:44 PM

Dom, totally great idea...I was wondering how I was going to handle the separation...you've given me the answer.

I'm going back each day to the archives....starting at the beginning.

Posted by: Maggie on October 17, 2005 06:47 PM

That's all I needed to hear Darlin'

X

Expect summat in the post.

Posted by: Misty on October 17, 2005 07:35 PM

You are a stubborn old bastard (I knew there was something about you I liked). If you plan on un-fucking yourself, you'll do it. Just remember to post an address to that care home you're checking into. I'd hate for the mail to get lost.

Buddy of mine just got out of one and it did him a world of good. He even likes himself again.

Posted by: Wichi Dude on October 17, 2005 08:01 PM

Of course you're doing it for yourself. That's the only reason ever.

Hell, I was just fucking with you.

Posted by: Velociman on October 17, 2005 08:24 PM

mr smith
you go give'em hell and get well-remember the marine corp saying adapt and overcome,i know you will do just that overcome-if there is anything i can do just ask .j

Posted by: j on October 17, 2005 08:26 PM

You hang in there guy! Will look for you when you come out the other side. Good luck!

Posted by: Bob on October 17, 2005 09:20 PM

I hope you find peace and tranquility

Posted by: Lexia on October 17, 2005 09:22 PM

Good luck. Hang in there! It's usually not anything another person says that will get you out of some rut in your life. (For example, I would just make me close them off.) It's when something happens that makes you realize "okay, this is as rock-bottom as I want to get."

Posted by: Andrea Harris on October 17, 2005 09:50 PM

I just started reading, but I wish you only the best. Hope you get well soon...

Posted by: Lisa on October 17, 2005 10:36 PM

Vman still wants to juggle dildos though. In a sequined thong.

Posted by: og on October 17, 2005 11:45 PM

Kudos buddy, you have really grown on me for the last year. I can't seem to get through a day without checking out what you have written. You have made me laugh, cry, think and imagine more than I ever did before. I've been reading some of your posts lately on this subject and on your links. I truly believe that these people really love and care for you. Most know you better than I, obviously. I wish the best for you and promise to drop a line your way while you're laid up. I really admire the way you are taking charge of the situation and helping yourself and not blaming society, while looking for some handout. Once again, kudos to you. Let us know who will be in charge while you are recharging. Maybe there can be some way we can submit entries while you are otherwise occupied. Should be interesting to hear what your audience has on their mind (Blondage for example). Take care buddy, and I'll offer some agnostic prayers on your behalf.

Posted by: Lee on October 18, 2005 01:01 AM

damn Rob I don't give a fuck why you made your decision I am just soo glad you made the right one. I wish you the best sweetie.

Dorothy

Posted by: Dorothy Bogdan on October 18, 2005 04:50 AM

Hang in there man. I wish you all the best.

Posted by: monstera deliciosa on October 20, 2005 02:17 PM

Good luck man, I know you'll make it. You have more friends from this blog than you problably realise.

Posted by: Roy on October 20, 2005 06:32 PM
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