Gut Rumbles

October 03, 2005

my massage

Georgia knew that I wasn't feeling good (although I did manage to sit in bed and watch Florida get the shit beat out of them against Alabama.). She went for a walk downtown and told me that I could get a massage right in my room, applied by a licenced therapist.

I asked her how much it cost. The price varied, depending on how long I wanted it to last. For $100, I could get the Big Kahuna, which lasted 90 minutes. That's the one I ordered.

I was sitting on the balcony and bragging about the massage I was about to get to elisson, who was all decked out in his pimp hat and looking exactly like the picture on his home page. About that time, a guy named "Brian" showed up.

This guy evidently runs the massage service and he's one of the most obvious flits I ever saw in my life. For a minute, I thought HE was going to give me a massage, and I was about to cancel the deal. Elisson was sitting there laughing at me and several other people showed up to admire Brian.

"Light in the loafers" does not do that guy credit. He was a LOT worse than that. But he just collected the money, flitted like Tinkerbell all over the place, wrapped a hot towel around my neck and sent Rebecca up to my room.

She was a pretty good-looking woman. She set up her massage table, I got nekkid, and she went to work on me. DAMN! She had magic fingers.

Unfortunately, the bowl of Chatham Artillery Punch was in my room at the time and people kept coming in and out to get a drink and admire my asscrack. Rebecca asked me once if I wanted to lock the door, but I told her to forget about it. I've been seen nekkid by worse people than that group.

I tried to explain what a blog-meet was, but she didn't seem to grasp the idea until she heard the bullwhip cracking outside. "Y'all just get drunk and party, don't you?" she concluded. I confirmed that she was correct. When my massage was finished, I introduced her to everybody.

I even talked her into trying a glass of punch. She liked it.

I'm just happy that SHE gave me the massage instead of Brian.


Did it not occur to you that "Rebecca's" drag was better than Brian's? (Heh.)

Glad you folks had fun down there. As for that other stuff about your health, you know the drill, so I won't bother.

Posted by: Juliette on October 3, 2005 09:46 PM

That's a damn good price for a 90 massage. Sounds like all of you had a great time.

Posted by: Maeve on October 3, 2005 10:42 PM

Rob speaketh the truth, the unvarnished emmis. Leslie and I were fit to crap ourselves laughing when we saw the panicked expression on Rob's face when Brian showed up. Think "Jack" on Will and Grace and you'll get the picture.


Posted by: Elisson on October 3, 2005 10:55 PM

No photo of asscrack. No photo of Rebecca. No photo of Rebeccas asscrack.

What the hell happened to the dad-gum STANDARDS?

Hell. There's not even a photo of the Artillery Punch.

Why the hell even HAVE a blog it there aren't going to be photos of Rebecca massaging an asscrack after a few rounds of Artillery Punch?

Posted by: robert on October 3, 2005 11:15 PM

I would have given you an hour massage for free.

Posted by: livey on October 4, 2005 01:11 AM

Damn that was fun to watch!

I am, of course, talking about watching Florida get the shit beat out of them by Alabama! Roll Tide!

Posted by: JPatterson on October 4, 2005 02:19 AM

Wow! - I'm a qualified massage therapist but I never got a call out like that! Bullwhip in the background and a glass of punch? Can't see that happening in these parts...

So glad you're feeling better btw :) Sounds like the weekend did you a lot of good!

Posted by: Misty on October 4, 2005 04:34 AM

Despite my moniker, I am a hard core Crimson Tide Fan. Roll Fucking Tide! They whooped Florida something fierce!

Posted by: Florida Bill on October 4, 2005 08:13 AM

I think it moved.

Posted by: Steve H. on October 4, 2005 11:38 AM

Die, JPatterson.

Actually I dont know what team that was, but it wernt florida. well maybe Central Florida or Florida A&M


Posted by: Buddy on October 4, 2005 11:49 AM

Sorry. I still get a fit of the giggles every time I think about Brian tripping into your room and then popping his head out the door like Jack on Will and Grace. And you mouthing the words, "I ain't payin' for this shit." Funniest moment of the whole hilarious weekend.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on October 4, 2005 04:04 PM

I did wonder though - did they put electric shockers on the Florida footballs? They couldn't catch a cold during that game.

Biggest enjoyment - I made a bet with a Big Orange fan at the start of the season - straight up...whomever's team loses the Bama-TN game buys the winner a round of golf.

He was very overconfident when we made the bet...even thought I was crazy to bet a win/lose ticket like that. He's singing a different tune now.

Of course, we used up our one big surprise on FL. Now we're on everyone's radar. Prothro notwithstanding, I hope we keep our luck with injuries. If not, we're dead meat...just like last year.

Posted by: JPatterson on October 4, 2005 07:11 PM
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