Gut Rumbles

September 28, 2005

uh huh...

Here's some more scientific research that tells me science doesn't have enough to do anymore. I'll tell you straight out why men don't listen to wimmen, and it has nothing to do with the larynx or vocal cords.

We simply can't understand them.

Wimmen speak in riddles and codes--- you're supposed to read between the lines---and they expect a guy to pick up on that shit. We usually don't and they get pissed off. We're "insensitive" because we can't read their minds.

Guys are much more direct. They say things like "Fuck YOU, pissface! Let's go outside and settle this!" Fisticuffs ensue.

Wimmen say "If anybody tells you that dress makes your ass look fat, they're lying. It makes your ass look BIG, but not fat." A cat-fight begins.

It's dogs and cats, Mars and Venus, testosterone versus estrogen. Men are not BUILT to understand wimmen and they never will. Nature pulled off a cruel trick by making us this way, but that's how it is.

In my personal research, I've discovered that wimmen possess more batshit-crazy genes than men do. Maybe that's because of the complexity of their minds. They read Harlequin romance novels and get the vapors during the bodice-ripping scenes. Men lie on the couch and watch football games.

Wimmen "feel" and men think. That's NOT a good combination.


I agree with ya' 100% Acidman except for one part: Instead of watching football I'd be watching the "Duke" or Clint Eastwood sling 'n lead............

Posted by: Captain Harley on September 28, 2005 05:31 AM

When men speak, it's mostly to exchange information. Women need to learn to get to the information part and leave the back story out.

Posted by: Kelly on September 28, 2005 05:42 AM

BWAHAHA!!! dude...i hope you live forever, or at least as long as i do.
"They read Harlequin romance novels and get the vapors during the bodice-ripping scenes."
that sh*t is funny!

Posted by: erica on September 28, 2005 08:31 AM

Actually, that's a GOOD combination when a man and a woman find the right mate. They then compliment each other. That's when you get a marriage made in heaven like your mother and father's was.

The problem is that when men and women operate on a single basis, women sometimes "feel" without properly thinking things through, and men, a lot of the time, "think" with the wrong head.

Posted by: Roy on September 28, 2005 08:56 AM

Isn't football about feelings mostly? Fishing and hunting too.

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on September 28, 2005 11:23 AM

Acidman. Look up some of the essays by Dave Sim of
Cerebus fame. Some dangerous and intellegent thoughts
about women and men.

Posted by: Robert Mitchell Jr. on September 28, 2005 11:34 AM

Jeez, for a such a smart guy it sure took you a long damn time to figure that out.

Of course you realize with that logic, same sex relationships then kind of make sense.

(A word to the gallery. Don't flame me for that. I'm hetero and I'm not pushing same sex marriage - the thought just struck me and I thought it was amusing.)

Posted by: Libby on September 28, 2005 03:15 PM

Women talk to other women on the phone. Men get the same satisfaction by spanking their monkey.

But women can talk to several women on the phone per day. I can't spank my monkey more thena once a day anymore.

Life's not fair.

Posted by: Sticky B on September 28, 2005 03:43 PM

Women "feel" and men ... think?

Look earlier in that post to the "Fuck YOU, pissface! Let's go outside and settle this!" Oh, how thoughtful. C'mon, handsome, you blew this one.

Maybe: women "feel" and men.... feel them up? I dunno. You're the writer here.

Posted by: Susan on September 29, 2005 12:39 AM
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