Gut Rumbles

September 12, 2005

wanna be a successful thief?

Just become a lawyer.

Last month, a widely published Associated Press story reported that Sony had agreed to settle a $1.5 million class-action lawsuit by disgruntled moviegoers, who could recoup $5 for each ticket they purchased for any of the films faux-blurbed by the nonexistent Manning. News of the settlement created a stir in cyberspace and the entertainment press, with visions of tens of thousands of chagrined rubes lining up around the studio with their palms outstretched. Like, right on! Multiplexers unite!

The faux reviewer David Manning of the Ridgefield Press hyped "The Animal," starring Rob Schneider and an orangutan, as a must-see movie.

We did some follow-up and learned that Sony paid out $5,085 -- total -- to 170 real, honest-to-goodness ticket buyers.

The rest of the cash? Brace yourself, Virginia: According to court papers, the attorneys for the plaintiffs got $458,909. Sony paid an additional $250,000 for administrative fees and costs associated with alerting moviegoers to the settlement and processing the claims -- all 170 of them. Not a bad payday.

The thieves didn't even NEED a gun to pull off that big-time robbery. Just a law degree and a nice suit.

That's pathetic.


Shakespeare said "The First Thing We Do Is Kill All the Lawyers". Dennis Miller said it would work because at the trial, there would be inadequate representation for the defendants (let alone there couldn't be a "prosecution").

So, what's stopping us?

Posted by: LC Corey on September 12, 2005 02:17 PM

Crap! Why didn't I think of that!

Posted by: Steve H. on September 12, 2005 02:30 PM

The solution to these activists? Real repercussions for their war against individual liberty.

Wholesale disbarment would be just a start.

Posted by: Brett on September 12, 2005 02:34 PM

Remember, 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Posted by: Roger .45 on September 12, 2005 02:53 PM

Just part of the price you got to pay for living in the free-est country in the world. USA USA USA. Love it or fucking leave it.

Posted by: Assrot on September 12, 2005 06:15 PM

Maybe just lobby congress to pass a law that a requirement for law school is proof that the applicants parents were legally married to each other. That would elimate the bastards in the future.

Posted by: GUYK on September 12, 2005 07:12 PM

Assrot, I can love the USA and still despise our legal system. I see no conflict there.

But I think a lot of judges need to be dragged off and shot.

Posted by: Acidman on September 12, 2005 09:09 PM

Rob, I used to think the same thing. But I discovered that most of the time judges are enforcing the laws that the elected representaives of the people have written and passed. So, I have turned my wrath on the ones in the state and Federal governments who write the dumb ass laws without ever thinking about possible effects the laws can have. They seem to forget that for ever action there is a reaction and some of the reactions are unentended. Although 'Murphy's Law' will always play a part, many laws should be thought through and better written. However, congress has a tendacy to react to a situation instead of acting and writes law that winds up being interpreted by the couts when it should have been written in a way that it needed no onterpretation. Dam, what a rant sorry about that.

Posted by: GUYK on September 13, 2005 07:44 AM

Well then, guyk, the obvious solution is to amend the constitution so as to bar lawyers from holding elective office.

Posted by: Brett on September 13, 2005 04:37 PM
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