Gut Rumbles
 

September 11, 2005

stupid criminals

I've never understood the thinking of some petty criminals. Would YOU risk going to jail for 20 years and being butt-buddies with some big, muscular black guy named "DaShawn" for $350? I wouldn't, but some people do.

When I dated Dora, she was the assistant manager of a convienence store. That place was robbed several times and the most any thief ever got away with was about $40 and a carton of Newport cigarettes. Those crack-heads came in waving GUNS for that loot, too.

That's just fucking crazy to me.

Is $40 and a carton of Newports worth going to jail for? You can EARN $40 with one day of work at minimum wage and buy your own goddam cigarettes, then have $20 left over. But that's not the way criminals think. WORK!!?? Fuck that!!!

I'll guarantee you that prisons are FULL of assholes who did something similar, got caught and fucked up the rest of their lives. That kind of behavior is sheer stupidity.

If I ever intend to be a criminal, I'm going for a big score. It won't be a bank, because you usually don't get a lot of money from a bank robbery and, if you can aviod the dye-packets, you still end up with the FBI on your ass. That's too risky.

Case a Wal-Mart or a big grocery store. Find out where the accounting office is. Wait until they empty the registers on a pickup, then rob the office. You can steal up to $40,000 that way, if you can pull it off and get out of there.

I'd make a good criminal. I would plan a lot before I acted. That's the writer in me. I always look at things like that as something I might want to put in a book some fine day. Ya gotta make it read REAL.

But even $40,000 isn't worth the risk. I've spent a night in jail. I don't think I would like prison.

Comments

Yep, just like the perfect murder. It IS more difficult these days to get away with it, but I am willing to bet that if you thought the process through, you just might.

Posted by: Anthony L. on September 12, 2005 12:30 AM

Two guys did that up here in Seattle at a Fred Meyer Store a few years ago. Something went wrong and one of them shot and killed an armored car driver. It took the police over two years but one of the perps was eventually killed and the other's going to be in jail for the rest of his miserable life. Both were teen agers. It just plain ain't worth it. Three lives down the shitter and three families devastated for less than $15k.

Money's a funny thing. I'm 61 and all my life money's been the easiest thing I've ever gotten. All I've ever had to do was work for it.

Posted by: Gerry N. on September 12, 2005 01:34 AM

In Macon years ago, the liberals got really upset because a guy received a sentence of 20-years for stealing three cigarettes and a penny. What they refused to understand was that he used a gun to commit the theft, which made his offense armed robbery. It was his third offense, so under the statute, the judge was required to sentence him to serve the maximum. How could someone with two previous convictions be so stupid as to commit an armed robbery for three cigarettes and a penny?

As for stealing from a big box store, I worked for one. The money is collected and handled behind three separate sets of locked doors.

Posted by: Juan Paxety on September 12, 2005 07:55 AM

A-man, I've spent a night in jail as well, and let me tel you that I NEVER want to go there again.

Look, only an idiot steals with a gun. The smart ones do it with computers.

Posted by: Zarba on September 12, 2005 09:29 AM

But DaShawn is a kind and considerate lover. Or so I hear.

Posted by: Murel Bailey on September 12, 2005 09:41 AM

I figure there are whole lot of people a whole lot smarter than me figuring out ways to keep a criminal from robbing. Unless I could get a BIG score, (millions) I would never consider it. If you get enough, you can contribute to a presidential library and get a pardon.

Posted by: hoosierboy on September 12, 2005 09:52 AM

My mother in law works in the accounting office at the wally world here and I can tell you that you could walk away with more than 40,000 if you knew the time of year to hit them. Take Christmas for example if you went in about midnight on christmas eve you could walk out with around a quarter million dollars easily.

But no one would ever think about doing something like that especially me.

Posted by: gravdigr on September 12, 2005 10:07 AM

Comfort, thy name can't be gut rumbles! Take care. J

Posted by: Jonno on September 12, 2005 10:38 AM

Look, only an idiot steals with a gun. The smart ones do it with computers.

The smartest ones use law firms.

Posted by: McGehee on September 12, 2005 10:40 AM

I don't understand morons who VIDEOTAPE themselves committing a crime. In one case I read about, the tape that was made by the criminals themselves was the ONLY evidence the police had. Idiots.

Posted by: Bitchmama on September 12, 2005 11:40 AM

Hell, the most successful thieves, murderers, and whatever are the ones people elect into public office; and we PAY them to steal from us.......

Posted by: BobG on September 12, 2005 11:47 AM

Most successful, BobG? Depends on how you define successful, I guess.

John Edwards, for example, was a damn sight more successful as a trial lawyer than as a politician.

Posted by: McGehee on September 12, 2005 01:39 PM
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