Gut Rumbles

August 28, 2005

field trip

I need to go to Circuit City tomorrow. I require a couple of devices to finish off my recording studio. I don't need much, but it's the kind of stuff that Willy doesn't sell. I'll have to go commercial to get it.

You know the weird thing about this situation? I can get pretty much anything I want today NOT by going to a store, but simply by calling several people I know. If I want a gun, I can get one. If I want musical equipment, I can get it. If I want a piece of ass, I can order it.

Hell--- I probably could buy all sorts of illegal drugs if I were so inclined. Just push the right buttons on the phone. If I don't know somebody who sells them, I'll bet that I know somebody who DOES know somebody who sells them. It ain't that difficult to do.

That's one thing government doesn't seem to understand, or refuses to admit. There has ALWAYS been an underground economy and it'll ALWAYS be there, because people are people and they enjoy their vices. You can outlaw it all you want to, but it won't stop people from doing it.

I learned that lesson when I played guitar in the bars. You CANNOT legislate human nature. You can try, but you'll fail every time.

That's why I hate "dry" counties. You think such stupid laws keep people from drinking? Hell, no they don't, and that's why Randall's Liquor Store is a got-dam gold mine. He's perched right on the edge of the Chatham-Effingham county line. Ya can't buy liquor in Effingham County.

Guess who 99% of Randall's customers are? They don't drive all the way across Chatham County to visit his store.

In 1974, I went to visit my cousin Ernie in Kentucky. His mama (my Aunt 'Netta) had a wildflower garden in her back yard on the bank of the Cumberland River. Ernie and I went off to shoot guns, and Netta asked us to bring back some good, round creek-rocks for her garden border.

Ern and I fired off all the ammunition we had, then threw all the guns in the back seat of my 1968 Javelin. After that, we selected some really choice creek-rocks that we thought would look good in the flower garden and put those in the trunk of my car.

I was riding low when we left and we didn't make it ten miles before the State Patrol pulled me over. I was on the road back from Cumberland, and most cars riding that low were carrying bootleg alcohol into a dry county. That's what the cop thought I was doing.

He never paid a minute's attention to all the guns in the back seat. He asked me what I had in the trunk. (Strange law in Kentucky back then---you could have one case of beer and one bottle of liquor PER PASSENGER in the car. If you had more than that, you were assumed to be a bootlegger.) I told him I had rocks in there and he laughed.

"You mind showing me?" he asked.

I popped the trunk for him and, sure enough, I was hauling a load of rocks for my aunt's flower garden. He fucked with us for a few minutes, then let us go. I am certain that he was frustrated that he couldn't charge us with SOMETHING, but hauling rocks is no crime in any state that I know of.

The weird thing is, he never asked us about all the guns in the back seat of my car. I suppose that sight is pretty normal in that part of Kentucky. No big deal. (Can you imagine what would have happened to me in New York?)

If I ran this country, that would be my motto, except for serious crime: "No Big Deal." Oh, I'd fry murderers, rapists, child-molesters and thieves, because I consider those to be "serious" crimes, but otherwise, I'd let people be people.

They're gonna do that anyway.


Gotta love Kentucky A-Man! I remember just after I graduated high school my cousin and I went to visit his mother down around Corbin and he mentioned that we go squirrel huntin'. I said, "OK" and we proceeded to walk through the apartment complex enroute to the woods, shotguns in hand, and no one even looked twice! Kinda blew me away at the time. I mentioned something about it to him and his response was, "Hell, it's normal around here. They almost do a second-take if you ain't carryin' a gun while headin' into the woods." Gotta love it!

Posted by: Leuthen on August 28, 2005 11:37 PM

Back in the olden days, the cops didn't give a shit about how many guns you had under your seat, or how much ya had to drink... We're going home officer. Thank you sir, no, we won't be back on the streets this morning. Drunk as skunks I drive home, smoking a hooter. I never wen't to prison either. Murry

Posted by: Murry on August 29, 2005 02:20 AM

I knew a guy in Sonar School who claimed that he was a whiskey runner. He'd tell us some great stories about the trade. I believed him because one of the guys asked if he'd ever been to his home town in Tennessee. It turns out that he delivered to a gas station just down the street from where the other guy lived and told him where they stored it.

"They never had any K-2 kerosene, did they?"
"Nope, those SOBs were always out."
"You just weren't asking for the right kerosene."

The guy had a beautiful 56 T'Bird. A green thing with a shine three feet deep. It must have been a profitable business.

Posted by: StinKerr on August 29, 2005 12:17 PM

A buddy and I was at a city lake and the park ranger wanted to see if we were drinking. We told him no and he asked to look in the cooler and sure enough, all it was was pop. Of course the mastermind that I am if I was going to drink illegally I would have kept a smaller cooler in the vehicle tha he didn't chec and just poor the beer into a pop can.

That of course would be if I actually liked beer, but I don't. :D

Posted by: Rhett on August 29, 2005 01:39 PM

(Can you imagine what would have happened to me in New York?)

So long as they're rifles, and unloaded, not a hell of a lot. I typically keep mine in a few hard cases so they don't get scratched to hell, but I've been stopped once or twice with little or no drama over the boom sticks.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on August 29, 2005 02:18 PM

"...but hauling rocks is no crime in any state that I know of."
Not illegal, but I'll bet that somewhere some jackass has tried to put a tax on it.
After all, that's why there was bootlegging; liquor wasn't illegal, but the govt was pissed because they weren't sucking taxes out of someone over it.

Posted by: BobG on August 29, 2005 03:58 PM

That was the South in the good old days. I remember getting stopped once by a NC state trooper. When he asked for my registration I told it was in the glove box and before opening it I wanted to let him know there was a loaded 45 in it. He looked at me and asked "not planning on shooting me with it are you?". To which I replied "course not". He says "well get your registration and come sit in my car so we can get on with the ticket" turned around and walked off. Never see that shit again.

Posted by: Dave on August 29, 2005 04:33 PM

Rob, don't be caught collecting rocks around Arizona without a permit. There's some screwy "artifacts" and "cultural resources" laws in this state, plus Federal restrictions on Federal (BLM) land.

It's so ridiculous that feel like I have to look over my shoulder before picking up a plain old boulder along the side of the road.


Posted by: Desert Cat on August 29, 2005 07:25 PM
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