Gut Rumbles

August 21, 2005


I was playing golf one day with my friend Leo. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon. The sky was overcast, but there was no rain and we didn't even hear distant thunder.

We were on the 17th hole. I hit a good drive off the tee and had a little sand wedge left to the green. But we'd both been drinking beer all day and I needed to piss.

So--- I stepped out of the cart, grabbed my trusty sand wedge, unzipped my pants, flopped Roscoe out and started to piss, right there in the the fairway. I was in the middle of telling Leo how I was gonna birdie the hole and win all of his money when....


A bolt of lightning shot over our heads and hit a pine tree on the other side of the fairway. That's ONE TIME when I saw lightning and heard thunder at the same time. I almost snatched my Roscoe off.

I cut myself off in mid-piss to get back in the cart, but Leo already had the pedal to the metal heading for the clubhouse, that rotten bastard. I had to chase him down to jump on board.

Behind us, the pine tree was in flames and limbs were falling out of it. I could smell ozone and I noticed that Leo and I BOTH had hair standing on end all over out bodies. That wasn't from fright, either (although that incident scared the shit out of both of us)--- it was from electricity in the air.

Mother Nature ended that round of golf right then and there. I didn't even go back to retrieve my brand-new Titleist golf ball. So much for making a birdie on THAT hole.

Never trust lightning. It can come from anywhere at any time.

I realized later that we were lucky that one or both of us weren't killed. Especially ME. I was standing on the ground, wearing a pair of metal-spike golf shoes, with a Wilson Staff sand wedge leaning on my knee and PISSING ON THE GROUND at the time.

I know why I survived. My expiration date wasn't up yet.

I once saw lightning hit a pine tree across from my mini-farm and it blew my neighbor's concrete driveway to pieces when it made the roots of the tree explode. That was an impressive sight, and the lightning killed the hell out of that big tree. My power was out for five hours after that, but my neighbors had to pay to have the tree cut down and then repair their driveway.

Mother Nature is a real bitch.


I saw lightening strike a tree not too long ago. It was scary as hell, but something I've always wanted to see...

Posted by: blondage on August 21, 2005 01:43 PM

After that experience.......frankly I'd have a hard time peein' for a while. I'd say you both should score that hole as a hole in one and have a drink on it.

Golf anyone?

Posted by: Nancy on August 21, 2005 02:22 PM

I lost a big Pine on my place last year to lightning. Did burn up the tree but did kill it deader then hell. Cost me 500 bucks to get taken down-a limb at a time because it was too close to the shop to fall. Still hae the stump though and its about three feet across. Sweetthing wants to build a bird feeder or treerat feeder or somthing on it. Go fucking figure.

Posted by: GUYK on August 21, 2005 02:56 PM

I almost snatched my Roscoe off.

Dude, you just made me laugh so hard I hadda wipe my eyes... more than once!

I can just see it.
In fact, this is one of those things that's gonna keep making me laugh every time I see lightening now (which I hate, so thank you, Lovey) or the golf cart they use here on the farm.

Here I go again...
*slithers outta chair, giggling*

Posted by: Stevie on August 21, 2005 05:17 PM

By definition, to "electrocute" is to kill by electricity.

So, the dogs weren't electrocuted, just shocked. Severely shocked, no doubt, but "just" shocked.

(I've been acutely aware of the meaning of that particular word since 1982, when my first "serious" b/f got his dumb ass killed by electrocution whilst being an idiot...)

Posted by: Stevie on August 21, 2005 08:48 PM

If you ever get THAT close to a bolt of lightning, you'll feel it all over your body, if you're still alive to talk about it.

Posted by: Acidman on August 21, 2005 09:03 PM

You think that was loud?

Try being in a house when it's hit.

That was like Thor himself decided to use my skull for hammer practice.

Posted by: Graumagus on August 21, 2005 11:42 PM

We take lightning very seriously here at Chez Elisson. That is some scary shit, as I have mentioned here before.

30 years ago, a lightning stroke killed the Missus's 16-year-old sister dead. She never knew what hit her, but it put a hurt on everyone in the family who had to deal with the sudden loss of their daughter and sister.

A few months ago, driving to Savannah, we got caught in a very small, but very intense storm just west of town. Lightning struck power lines right across the freeway from us, maybe 50 yards away. Close enough to make that "Pop-BANG" sound you only hear when a strike is really, really close. It nearly sent the Missus right around the bend.

Posted by: Elisson on August 21, 2005 11:47 PM

Did you, by chance, hear a voice saying: "damn, I missed"?

Posted by: StinKerr on August 22, 2005 01:34 AM

Wow - bit too close for comfort!
So far I've been in 2 places where the building across the road had been hit, and was working in a building that scored a direct hit. BIG Badaboom - All the puter's died and the phones all rang at once...

Posted by: Misty on August 22, 2005 04:32 AM

Our house got hit a few years back and it ruint the garage door opener and a TV and a cable box, but nothing else. If you every play golf again in thunderous weather, just carry a two iron, cause even God can't hit a two iron.

Posted by: Florida Bill on August 22, 2005 08:44 AM

Rob, I think that counts as a gimme...

Posted by: Rich on August 22, 2005 12:02 PM

Trying to imagine what huskies "not right in their mind" after an electric shock would be like...

"B-b-bu-buh-b-bark! Buh-bark!!"

"Wuh! Wuh! W-woof!! W-woof!"

Posted by: Desert Cat on August 22, 2005 05:10 PM

A bunch of us were standing under the eave at the public swimming pool when I was a teen, waiting for the storm to be over, when the water fountain 15-20 feet away was hit. The ones among us whose shoulders were touching had minor burns.

Had my F-4C aircraft hit twice one night attempting refueling with a KC-135. (Rob, you have my sorta short story about that night.) Trying to remember, but guessing various aircraft were hit 5 or 6 times in 22 years of active USAF flying. Guess my time isn't up, either. Occasionally airplanes get vaporized by lightning.

Posted by: Larry on August 22, 2005 09:42 PM

Rich, it's either a "gimme" or what Tin Cup calls a "mulligan"....
(And, yeah, I'm still giggling over this.)

Posted by: Stevie on August 23, 2005 05:41 PM
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