Gut Rumbles
 

August 11, 2005

fakin' it

I can tell the difference between a fake orgasm and a real one when I bed a woman. I've had a lot of practice at this.

The moans and groans don't mean anything. Wimmen learn to do that stuff early in life just to make YOU feel good. (See the movie: When Harry Met Sally) But the REAL THING is easily discovered if you know what to look for.

1) She will blush red across her chest. Don't ask me why, but wimmen do that when they have an orgasm.

2) Muscular spasms. Maybe some wimmen can fake that, but not many. It's like an epleptic siezure with joy mixed in. That's when you just hold on and enjoy the ride.

3) Afterglow. A woman who feels royally fucked, after MULIIPLE ORGASMS, will cuddle and coo at you. You don't get that unless you pulled their bell rope well.

Of course, I'm just making this shit up. I'm still a virgin.

Comments

I never noticed a blush on my chest. Interesting. I'll have to check it out tonight.

I'm lucky. Don't have to fake 'em. ;)

Posted by: blondage on August 11, 2005 09:42 AM

Not to mention it feels like someone poured a warm cup of snot in both of your chrotchital areas. THAT can't be faked!

Posted by: Anthony L. on August 11, 2005 09:50 AM

I can tell the difference between a fake orgasm and a real one when I bed a woman. I've had a lot of practice at this.

I bet you have.

Posted by: Zappatista on August 11, 2005 09:51 AM

Believe it or not, I went to high school with Meg Ryan (she was two years behind me).

So close, yet so far away...

Posted by: Rich on August 11, 2005 10:11 AM

Fake but accurate.

Hey, it works for CBS news...

Posted by: Rich on August 11, 2005 10:13 AM

"That's when you just hold on and enjoy the ride."

That's some GREAT advice right there. Once you get to that point, guys, your work is done. Nature has taken over.

Posted by: Jane on August 11, 2005 10:35 AM

Nothing wrong with faking. It says "I love you and I want you to enjoy this"

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on August 11, 2005 11:11 AM

You know why women fake orgasms?


Because they think we care!
Later.

Posted by: John on August 11, 2005 11:33 AM

If she has blue eyes, they turn green with an O!

Posted by: Ed on August 11, 2005 11:37 AM

My ex was great at that, because 99 percent of the time she was, Oh, great, you want to screw AGAIN???? We did it just 6-9 weeks ago ...

Posted by: maggot on August 11, 2005 12:07 PM

You know you've done a good job when they beg you to stop and shriek when you touch them anywhere and cum again.

I like to give her that about once a month to keep her humble, but it's too much like work to do every day.

By the way, guys, if you're not chewing and sucking on your woman's butt cheeks, you are missing out.

Posted by: Bane on August 11, 2005 02:49 PM

------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course, I'm just making this shit up. I'm still a virgin
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't have any guns either. Yeah.

Posted by: Richard on August 11, 2005 03:41 PM

Rob, I've been reading this blog for quite a while now, and that last line is the first time you've ever made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: Strider on August 11, 2005 05:37 PM

My toes curl. You know if men... oh nm that could take up too much bandwidth, I think I'll just post it.

Posted by: livey on August 11, 2005 10:02 PM

Well, A-Man had it right.
But, he missed Livey having it right about toes.

Curl up, or curl down, or SPREAD apart ! ! !
It's damn hard to fake that when it's as intense as a cramp in your arch. {:^)

Posted by: Dan Pursel on August 11, 2005 10:10 PM
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