Gut Rumbles

July 08, 2005

snake tales (or tails?)

Okay, maybe this one is a lie because western diamondback rattlers aren't found east of the Mississippi River. But I've seen bigger snakes than that one.

I worked shiftwork for many years at the chemical plant. The plant ran 24-7 and it was lit up like a Christmas tree at night, a shining beacon in the middle of the marsh for every insect attracted to light. The bugs came to the light, the frogs came after the bugs, and the snakes came after the frogs.

People killed some really BIG rattlers out there.

The plant was encircled with a six-foot fence topped by three coils of barbed wire. I've seen snakes hanging from that top roll of wire that not only reached all the way to the ground but also had about 18" of slack to spare. The biggest one I ever saw was as thick as my thigh and had 16 rattles and a button on its tail.

I've watched those big bastards swim the Savannah River from Hutchinson Island, too. Anybody who tells you that a rattlesnake can't swim is full of shit. Some of them were big enough to kill and eat a small child.

Snakes make my skin crawl. I don't like 'em, they give me the willies and I don't care how many rats or mice they eat. If I see a rattlesnake, I'm gonna execute his ass, every time. I've killed some big 'uns, too.

Those guys didn't really need to fake that story. Just take a job where I once worked and YOU can find the real thing.


I call bullshit on the picture itself. It's obvious that the snake is closer to the camera and that's why it looks so big. Having said that though, most rattlesnake species can easily exceed 7 feet in length. And all snakes can swim. Mine is taking a nice dip in my tub right now and loving it. The fact that I know this shit is proof that my kids force me to watch entirely too much Animal Planet.
Rob, you should take a nice vacation to NH and come meet my snake. We'd love to give you a big ole hug ;-)

Posted by: Chablis on July 8, 2005 11:35 AM

Venomous snakes and firearms go well together.

I have allowed a snake to come into my house. My oldest son has one. It is a boa constrictor. The rules are thus...if it escapes it's cage and comes into my living room or any area that is not his room, it's dead. Period.

Now the dog, I'll take care of and take naps with, no problem.

Posted by: Kelly on July 8, 2005 11:40 AM

Fuck a snake. They all send shivers up my spine.I see so much as a water snake while seining minnows, my ass turns into jesus christ and I'll be on dry land before the seine sinks.

Posted by: gravdigr on July 8, 2005 11:48 AM

I like all snakes. They taste like chicken.

Posted by: assrot on July 8, 2005 12:36 PM

The human reaction to snakes is I think very much down to the evolutionary fact...snakes evolved more to hunt mammals than to hunt any other creature. The body design is supurb for small rodents, the heat seeking sense is next to useless with insects or other reptiles.

Posted by: Mythilt on July 8, 2005 12:42 PM

I can't say if that rattler is real or not, but I know here in Florida. Many years ago like back in the 50's or so. "Big" rattlers were not that uncommon. I'll never forget a picture in the office of one of my father's business buddies, Dad sold heavy equipement; dozers and the like. Some dude was holding a 2x4 straight out shoulder high with a rattler draped over the board. The guy must have been 6'2" or better and the snakes head and tail were touching the ground!

Posted by: Captain Harley on July 8, 2005 01:45 PM

I was reared in the Southwest where yearly snake hunts are much like the county fair. I have seen many rattlers over six feet and some over seven feet. However, big ones such as this are the exception rather than the rule.

Once saw an Eastern Rattler on an AirBase in Florida that was easily seven foot. It was stretched across my jogging path and needless to say I made a large detour.

Posted by: GUYK on July 8, 2005 02:09 PM

That would rank as a garter snake here in Texas. We eat rattlers bigger n' that for breakfast. They go good with a little pico de gallo on a tortilla.


Posted by: PJ on July 9, 2005 04:02 AM
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