Gut Rumbles

June 29, 2005

who dis is?

Continuing the theme from the post below, I want to write about wrong numbers. I get a LOT of phone calls from people looking for someone else named Robert Smith. Those I can understand, because it's probably someone going down the list in the phone book until they find the right one. I've done that kind of thing myself before.

But I also get idiotic wrong number calls. I had one just before my divorce with Jennifer and I probably didn't handle that one well. I had a big shutdown at work the next day, so I went to bed early.

The phone rang at about 9:00 that night, just as I was dozing off. I answered after the first ring (I figured it was work calling) and I said, "Hello?" I could hear the noise of a bar in the background.

"Who dis is?" said a voice on the other end.

"Who DIS is?" I replied. "I didn't call YOU, asshole, YOU called ME."

"I wanna be speakin' to Latwanna"

"Well, Latwanna ain't here. You've got the wrong number." I hung up.

The phone rang again immediately. It was the same guy. "Put Latwanna on the phone," he demanded. I was good and pissed off by then.

"Latwanna don't want to talk to you. Besides, she can't right now because she has my dick in her mouth. If you call back in about 30 minutes, I'll be through with the bitch and you can have her then. You might want her to brush her teeth before you kiss her, Sugar Bear." And I hung up again.

The guy didn't call back. But I DID check the newspapers for the next few days to see if someone named "Latwanna" was killed by a jealous lover who couldn't operate a telephone, but just MIGHT be able to stick someone with a knife.

I sometimes am rude to people who call a wrong number.


That's a good one! I used to get lots of credit card solicitations before I finally changed my number, but a male co-worker of mine told me what he says to female credit card solicitors -- the first thing he asks her is what color panties she is wearing, and if she is wearing a bra. He said that usually ends the phone call!!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on June 29, 2005 06:56 PM

Dave's not here!

Posted by: GUYK on June 29, 2005 07:07 PM

LOL, that was funny!

Posted by: Maeve on June 29, 2005 07:27 PM

My mother had a similar situation several years ago. The drunk on the other end of the line get a police whistle blown in his year. Never called again.

Posted by: Sarge on June 29, 2005 10:18 PM

That is hilarious. The asshole deserved it. "who dis is" thats not even ebonics, thats dumbass.

Posted by: Alli on June 29, 2005 10:21 PM

i'm convinced the phone company has an automated service to call phone numbers and check when you are home. they already have a lot of information about you. when they can deduce your likely hours of being at home, they can more efficiently target you for telemarketing. i think they seel the info.

yeah, i know, i'm a conspiracy nut. but that's my only one.

Posted by: mlah on June 30, 2005 12:35 AM

Sounds like things Kevin says to rude phone callers, especially salespeople (before putting our number on the do not call list) Once he told someone we had just had hot, sweaty sex and he was still floating, so don't call back for another hour or two. Eventually I found out it was a co-worker of mine,,,

Posted by: Michele on June 30, 2005 06:49 AM

Our phone number has the same last two digits, and it seems every kind of idiot "double clicks" WAY too often.

On you having a "common" name, I had one idiot argue with me that I was the guy he went to high school with, even though I was looking in my yearbook and couldn't find him anywhere. It was a smallish school, below 400 in our class. The guy was very ticked off I didn't remember him, I thought it was pretty damn funny myself.

Posted by: RickR on June 30, 2005 10:09 AM

Da bitch's breath stunk way bad when she come home dat night - damn right she go brushed her teef.

Posted by: Dave S. on June 30, 2005 03:00 PM

The phone rings and I answer in my baritone, James Earl Jonesish voice...

Me: Hello.

Caller: Uh, Lisa?

Me: Yes...

Always find a way to mess with their heads...

Posted by: Rich on June 30, 2005 03:20 PM

I don't have that name issue, but I did have some woman call me and immediately say: "who's this?"

Of course I didn't tell her, though she tried to bulldoze me into it. "Just tell me what your name is!" Said repeatedly.

Me: "Look here, you're not getting my name, so you might as well just tell me what you want."

Long story short, she wanted to know whether I was having relations with her boyfriend (a friend of mine). The real answer was 'no,' but I never told her that. I think the b-word came out of my mouth somewhere in the conversation.

Posted by: Juliette on June 30, 2005 04:04 PM

I hate wrong numbers. I dumped bellsouth several months ago, and switched to just having my cell phone as my home phone, so I am especially rude to people that I feel are wasting my minutes.

Posted by: Richard on June 30, 2005 10:37 PM
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