Gut Rumbles

June 28, 2005

a bead

I was sorely insulted by a phone call I received from Catfish last night. His cousin, Luther, came over and examined a jar of my moonshine. Luther, who has been known to run off a few batches of his own, pronounced my stuff "no good," because it wouldn't hold a bead.

Fuck Luther. I told Cat when we were making the stuff that I wasn't going to take the time to adjust my concoction to achieve a perfect bead. What came out of the worm went straight into a jar and that's what you got. The beginning and ending of the run produced weaker liquor than the middle of the run did, but it all turned out pretty good.

It's clear as branch-water, and you can't make it freeze. I'll admit that when you shake a jar, you get a lot of tiny bubbles instead of a glowing, perfect bead. It's OVER-PROOF, which isn't really bad for home-made brandy. So, when some red-necked asshole such as Luther declares MY moonshine "no good" because it doesn't hold a bead, I call bullshit.

Drink half a jar, motherfucker. See if you can still find your ass with both hands.

If I wanted a bead, I could have watered and adjusted the stuff to get one. But I decided NOT to worry about that process. Every jar I made is unique. You won't go blind or fall into a coma from drinking it, either. (Well... you probably COULD work up a good coma if you drank enough of it.) It's genuine, home-made, once-rectified elixer, fit to fill to goblets of the Gods.

Luther can kiss my Cracker ass.


yeah what Rob said....and tell ole Luther to take the panties off and drink like a real man...who the hell does this Luther guy think he is anyway...

Posted by: Ruth on June 28, 2005 03:09 PM

Like you said. Fuck Luther. There is an assbag in every crowd. Make him some 'shine out of that vegemite you been licking. See what he thinks of that.

Posted by: assrot on June 28, 2005 03:30 PM

Whatsa bead and how do you know if your liquor will hold one?

Posted by: PaulB on June 28, 2005 04:14 PM

Fuck a bead. I rarely have occasion to drink anymore, so the fumes of your brandy would probably do me in LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on June 28, 2005 04:16 PM

I'm gonna be in Walker County, GA next week drinking and eating BBQ and shooting my guns.

Can I head your way and sample some 'shine and see how you make it????

I promise I won't criticize the bead.

Posted by: countertop on June 28, 2005 04:46 PM

I'm confused. I thought good moonshine could "hold a bead" (so a bubble at the surface stays intact) due to surface tension, indicating a high percentage of alcohol rather than watered-down product.

Why would you have to water and adjust your 'shine?

Posted by: Hugh on June 28, 2005 04:46 PM

Hugh, pure alcohol, at about 185 proof. comes out of the still when the run is going good. You NEED to water that stuff down to make it drinkable.

A "bead" forms in home-liquor somewhere between 90 and 130 proof. Around 100-proof forms a pretty bead.

Outside of that proof-range, your home-liquor with form tiny bubbles in the jar instead of a distinct bead. Mine bubbles.

That fact doesn't make it "no good." It just means that it hasn't been "adjucated," as one of my uncles always said.

If Luther wants a bead, I'll "adjuicate" a jar to get one for his happy ass.

Posted by: Acidman on June 28, 2005 05:12 PM

Bubbles work for me, Bro.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on June 28, 2005 07:12 PM

Yeah, well, tell Cat Luther can kiss my ass, too. I've drunk a lot of shine, from crime to sublime, and yours is top shelf.

Posted by: Velociman on June 28, 2005 08:04 PM

V-Man, you would drink horse piss, if you thought you could get drunk, remember, we have seen you in action, Cat

Posted by: catfish on June 28, 2005 08:08 PM

Cat, I have drunk horse piss. Why you think my dick got so big??

Posted by: Velociman on June 28, 2005 10:38 PM

V-Man, you do know that women hormone pills are made out of horse piss. Maybe you will grow some tits and that big dick will fall off, Cat

Posted by: catfish on June 28, 2005 11:16 PM
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