Gut Rumbles

June 20, 2005


I didn't drink any of the home-brandy except to sip it for proper potentness as it was cooking off. I made that stuff to give away to friends. That isn't what made me sick.

I ate something that disagreeded with me Thurday (I think) night. I woke up the next day feeling poorly. I started throwing up around noon. I couldn't stop, so therefore I couldn't eat or drink anything. I irritated my ulcer again and started upchucking blood. I knew that wasn't a good sign.

But I thought I could weather the storm by sipping Malox and trying to drink water. Bad idea. About 9:30 that night, the belly-pains hit me and I literally could not see straight. I thought I was having a heart attack.

I managed to drive myself to the hospital. The doctors took one look at a blood test and threw me into a Chinese Torture Chamber. Bejus! The next thing I knew I had IVs running all into me and I was pinned like an insect on a mounting table with all those tubes.

I was severly dehydrated, anemic, and malnourished, which led to another bad flare-up of the pancreatitus. I was strapped to that MOST UNCOMFORTABLE bed for three fucking days while I re-filled with various fluids and potions.

You cannot sleep in a hospital bed. People get paid to wake you every 15 minutes to perform another ghastly act upon you. Plus, they cut off my demerol after one shot no matter how hard I begged. I suffered tortures--- tortures of the damned!

They insisted on measuring all my urine output, so they gave me a crick-necked pissbottle to use for that. Whenever I had to go, I had to wend my way through all those tubes, locate my piss-bottle, figure out some way to dig my wang out of my hospital gown, and then pee down the crick-neck.

You guessed it. One night, I went fumbling for the thing, found it, took the lid off and while fishing for my wang, proceded to dump the whole thing all over me. I let out a whoop, bumped the bedside table and broke the remote control for the TV, too.

I don't know who was happier to see me leave there--- me, or them.

I'm looking at the diet they expect me to eat now. Oatmeal. Yoghart. Low-fat pudding. Fruit cocktail. No meat. Only certain vegetables. Eat SIX SMALL MEALS A DAY and drink at least a gallon of water. No alcohol.

Just damn! I don't want to go back there, but I might want to be dragged off and shot.


The only time I was ever time to a bed it was a lot more fun than that...

Didn't sound like you had a good time at all, as much as I'm reluctant to say this after you flaming me, get well soon.

Posted by: Misty on June 20, 2005 10:59 AM

ps, I can shoot pretty well myself if you get any worse ;)

Posted by: Misty on June 20, 2005 11:02 AM

damn, bad typo, that should have read tied to a bed, not time..

Posted by: Misty on June 20, 2005 11:15 AM

Most of us here read "typonese" (I think anyway)

Posted by: Ruth on June 20, 2005 11:17 AM

It sucks getting old, doesn't it, Chief? Glad to hear you didn't poison yourself with that concoction you're making though...the thought crossed my mind.

Posted by: Chablis on June 20, 2005 11:28 AM

Prolly if Rob drank the shit he was making, it just might be the cure-all.....
And if it wasnt (the cure-all) well, if he drank enough of it, he wouldnt give a damn if he was cured or not.....

Ulcer? What ulcer?

Posted by: Ruth on June 20, 2005 11:31 AM

welcome to my world, not sure it is worth living in anymore.

Posted by: James Old Guy on June 20, 2005 11:44 AM

Glad to hear you survived the if you can make it thru the diet....take care.

Posted by: Guy S on June 20, 2005 11:45 AM

Having had a bleeding ulcer all I can do is sympathize. Eat what they tell you, and try to de-stress.

Posted by: Terry on June 20, 2005 11:58 AM

Damn that sucks Rob! Sorry you had such a shitty weekend! I hope your feeling better then you did when you went in! Good Luck with the new diet...sounds...Um...Appetizing?

Posted by: Wendi on June 20, 2005 12:04 PM

No meat? Gee, I'll see if PETA will make you a honorary member.

Maybe Sam will come fix you a smoothie for breakfast.

Posted by: Maggie on June 20, 2005 12:16 PM

Whew! I was worried that the Vegemite had arrived from Austtralia, and it had done for you.
Take it easy, good advice above.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on June 20, 2005 12:22 PM

Lousy diet indeed, but try to stick to it for a few weeks, especially the water. Dehydration is the pits and screws everything up. Gotta keep that pancreas happy or it lets you know bigtime. Glad you survived both ailment and hospital.

Posted by: Stu on June 20, 2005 12:34 PM

Couldn't have been the brandy; the alcohol content would have killed any organism known to man.

Posted by: Mark on June 20, 2005 12:41 PM

Don't know how that happened, should have read:
Couldn't have been the brandy; the alcohol in it would've killed any organism known to man.

Posted by: Mark on June 20, 2005 12:43 PM gall bladder problems?

Posted by: Trish on June 20, 2005 01:58 PM

Good tohear you're feeling better. Should have known a redneck cracker wouldn't get sick on his on batch. We always try it out on our friends before drinking the hooch ourselves. If they survive they're still friends and if they don't there is always the wake. Take care acidman.

Posted by: GUYK on June 20, 2005 02:29 PM

I'm thinking the 'no alcohol' part is kinda important.

Dude, your a drunk and every one of your symptoms is is indicative of chronic alcoholism... pancreatitis, ulcers, malnutrition and dehydration can all be caused by various other maladies... put them together and you got one big stinking drunk guy.

Quit drinking or die.

Posted by: Zappatista on June 20, 2005 03:22 PM

I'm on a dull diet, too. Mainly beans, fruit & vegetables, cereal, low-fat milk. One good thing about it is I don't have to think about what to have for meals every day. And it's all cheap and quick to fix. That's three things.

After a while you don't think about food any more.

Posted by: N. Beckmann on June 20, 2005 08:56 PM

Yeah them special diets and 6 meals a day suck. Pancreatitis is nothing to play around with though. It killed a fellow I know when he was only 49 years old. Glad you're feeling a little better. Try doing what the doc says for awhile anyway.

Posted by: assrot on June 21, 2005 11:39 AM

Dude....get well wanna keep reading ur blog....

Posted by: RancidSpeak on June 21, 2005 12:08 PM
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