Gut Rumbles

June 15, 2005

today's the day

My blackberry wine is ready to be recitified into something else, and I have all of my works set up outside. But I'm going to wait until this evening to do the cooking off. The heat index is 105 degrees right now, and I don't believe that this is a proper time to start my science experiment. I could die of a fucking heat-stroke before I ever got finished.

I don't want my obtuary to read "53 year-old Rob Smith was found dead on his back porch today, from what appears to be natural causes. A police spokesman stated that Smith appeared to be making a batch of "home-made wine" at the time, when he keeled over and died, either from the heat or the fumes from his still." His body was hauled off for autopsy and the "home-made wine" was confiscated by the police as evidence in the case.

Naw... I'm going to wait until this evening.

The set-up looks pretty good. I put a bad crimp in my worm fitting it into the condenser, but I can get water to run through the coil, so it should still function. All I really need to do now is light a fire under the cooker and watch it work. By now, I figure that only one of three things can go wrong:

1) The still blows up and sends me sailing to kingdom come.

2) That crimp in the worm causes too much pressure, so the still blows up and sends me sailing to kingdom come.

3) Everything works perfectly, but the product tastes like ass.

Other than those three minor problems, I believe that I am good to go.


I can think of worse ways to go than cookin' up some homemade wine.

Posted by: Ciggy on June 15, 2005 02:59 PM

I expect you'll be putting some of that fine Home-Made Wine up for the occasional vistor to Savannah, perhaps? Just in case you were looking for an Independent Quality Check, of course.

Posted by: Elisson on June 15, 2005 03:05 PM

105 degrees?

Good lord. My antiperspirant failed just thinking about it LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on June 15, 2005 03:09 PM

Don't scorch it or let it puke into the worm. Oh, and don't forget to send the tax on it to the uncle!

Posted by: Ed on June 15, 2005 03:12 PM

I hope it is delicious! Right now Jason is out in the heat mowing the lawn. I would say he's insane, but I prefer to think of him as my cracked pot.

Posted by: Renee on June 15, 2005 03:42 PM

But will anyone believe the autopsy results?

Posted by: Jay on June 15, 2005 04:03 PM

Rob---we have got to get a single condensed version of the winemaking process together! I'm on a farm now with blackberries, fine grapes, apples, etc and I am intent on making me some this year too. By request, can you do a post on the entire process from start to finish?

Posted by: Adam on June 15, 2005 04:14 PM

Don't worry sport fans, I'm going to Rob's house tonight and help. If something goes wrong, I will pull his ass out of the fire, or the morning paper will read, Rincon GA, two dead old farts, looks like they were making shine, did not know what the fuck was going on, both blown up.

Posted by: catfish on June 15, 2005 04:41 PM

.. good luck, you two.. if I see a mushroom cloud on the horizon tonight, I'll raise a glass in your honor...

Posted by: Eric on June 15, 2005 05:42 PM

"1) The still blows up and sends me to kingdom come"...........

Well, OK, Your first assumption is wrong.

1) The still blows up and sends me to

Now...THAT has impact!

Posted by: Maggie on June 15, 2005 06:02 PM

And the danged thing is that the news will misrepresent what was going on and say you were just making raisin jack.

Posted by: Murel Bailey on June 15, 2005 06:27 PM

Should we be watching CNN for updates? Great post !!!!

Posted by: Robert on June 15, 2005 06:38 PM

Should we be watching CNN for updates? Great post !!!!

Posted by: Robert on June 15, 2005 06:39 PM

But will the headlines be your real names or CATFISH and ACIDMAN?

Posted by: livey on June 15, 2005 08:21 PM

If you guys survive, please save a taste for this Yankee. I loves me some "homemade wine.:

Posted by: Jim - PRS on June 15, 2005 08:28 PM

Have you two ever tried homemade mead?
yours, curious,

Posted by: Misty on June 15, 2005 08:35 PM

Has anyone heard an explosion down south yet tonight?

Posted by: livey on June 15, 2005 10:49 PM
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