Gut Rumbles

May 28, 2005

another blister on my thumb

I confess--- I am a western movie addict. I watched the entire John Wayne marathon on the Western Channel (at least PARTS of all of it) on the Duke's birthday, and I NEVER miss a new "Gunsmoke" rerun. I've been keeping score of how many people Matt Dillon shot dead on that show and I am approaching 100 notches on his gun now.

I LOVED a line I heard on "Gunsmoke" this morning. Festus warned Matt, "I don't know who he was, but he says he don't like you, Matthew, and he aims to kill ya."

Matt responded, "Well... that certainly narrows the field, now doesn't it?"

BWHAHAHAHAHAAA! That's one of the reasons I love that show so much. Matt Dillon had a LOT of enemies. But he had a set of balls the size of grapefruits.

Call it fantasy all you want to, but I have a non-existent pistol that looks a lot like the one Matt carries, and my friend catfish bought me a non-existent holster for it when we went to the blog-meet in Helen last fall. It's a gunslinger holster, and I've worked that leather with oil and treatment until it's soft as a baby's ass now.

I've been practicing my quick-draw.

That's a lot harder than it looks on television. I've figured out the trick now, and I am deadly on cardboard boxes and pictures of attorneys in the phone book. The trick is to cock the pistol (non-existent, of course) as it's coming out of the holster and be ready to shoot as soon as you "feel" the target. You can't draw, cock and fire with any speed.

I understand now why a lot of true western gunslingers wore the side-draw guns. With one of those, you come out of the holster with the gun parallel to the ground and there's less chance of putting one into the dirt in front of your target. Less chance of shooting your own damn fool self in the foot, too.

I wore another blister on my right thumb practicing my quick-draw in the woods yesterday. I imagined myself shooting up two boxes of shells and I had a good time doing it. (Of course, this was all a dream I had on my couch, when I was taking an afternoon nap. The blister on my thumb actually came from touching a hot burner on my kitchen stove.) I may not be Billy The Kid yet, but I'm gaining on it.

Of course, I brought my imaginary gun back home, took it apart and cleaned it, then spent an hour putting the damn thing back together. I have vivid dreams, and I must not be nearly as mechanically-inclined in my dreams as I think I am. I had to get the imaginary instruction book and study it to reassemble the imaginary pistol. I don't know where that smell of gun oil came from, but the non-existent pistol is back in working order.

Of course, this post is all pure fiction. I don't own that gun, OR that quick-draw holster. And I don't have a blister on my thumb, either.


I've learned to use mink paste, and not neets foot oil on gunleather. You don't want it too soft, or it "grabs" the firearm, non-existant or not.

On rifle slings, especially in Highpower rifle, you do NOT want a soft, stretchy sling.

I don't know how they get paste out of a mink, or what part of a mink you have to mash up to get mink paste, but it's damn good stuff.

Like anything else, don't freaking OVER-do it.

When I was teaching pistol to the army last year, I had my soldiers learn to say " Slap Leather, you Polecat!" In farsi. We were in Texas, of course.

Posted by: robert on May 28, 2005 01:27 PM

you ought to consider CAS shooting , if you like playing cowboy. i do it, lots of fun

Posted by: heath on May 28, 2005 03:34 PM

What kind of gun are you pretending to own?

Posted by: Mr. Blue on May 28, 2005 05:56 PM

My imaginary pistol is a Ruger .357 Magnum built just like a frontier .44. It's a pain in the ass to load and unload, because you have to do it one cylinder at a time, through that flip-down opening on the side.

It's easy to take apart and clean, but it's a bitch to put back together. I couldn't get the cylinder latch-rod to go back in, so I thought I was doing something wrong. I didn't believe that I should have to FORCE anything.

I looked at the instruction book, and I had it put together right. So, I tapped the rod ONCE. GENTLY, with a small hammer and the damn thing slid in right where it was supposed to go.

I took it back apart and put it together three more times with no problem. I don't know why that thing locked up the way it did on my first try.

Posted by: Acidman on May 28, 2005 10:29 PM


Posts like this are why I love you, man.

Posted by: Jay on May 29, 2005 07:50 AM

I always thought the trick to the quick draw and accurate target shooting was to "go all snake-eyed" on it.

It worked for the Soda Pop Kid in "Little Big Man".

Posted by: Trish on May 29, 2005 06:24 PM

Trish, the real trick is not to shoot yourself in the foot!

Posted by: Acidman on May 29, 2005 08:53 PM
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