Gut Rumbles

May 14, 2005

words that haunt

When I married Jennifer, we wrote our own vows. She never finished hers, because she broke down crying in the middle and I told her, "That's enough. I get the picture." (I am NOT making that shit up.)

I remember exactly what I told her. "I am here to marry you today because you are the realization of every dream I ever had in my entire life. I've never loved anyone else the way I love you, and I promise to ALWAYS be your partner, your lover and your best friend." I meant every word.

We honeymooned that night at the Magnolia Inn in Savannah in a room where George Washington once slept. Hell, we might have consummated our marriage in the exact same four-poster canopy bed he slept in. That's possible.

I still remember that day and I still remember the love I felt for her. I don't believe that I can ever get rid of all those feelings, no matter what she does to me. I just can't turn "love" off the way some people can. I could never take her back, not after the shit she's pulled, but I remember the woman I thought I knew before then. I'll never forget that one.

I still dream about her at night.

If someone had showed me where that day would lead ten years later, I would have called BULLSHIT and punched the bastard in the nose. No WAY would Jennifer ever treat me like that.

But she did, and I lost a son in the process. I also lost a whole lot of money, most of my pride and my will to live. For what? For someone who certainly wasn't worth it.

Now... if you people will excuse me, I am going to sleep in the woods tonight, where I can avoid the JBs and the Jennifers of the world and imagine myself being a 19th century man.


Oh God, that is beautiful. Sleep tight...

Posted by: Bonita on May 14, 2005 04:57 PM


Sometimes I worry about you when you wax nostalgic and sad. I won't offer any platitudes. I know that having a dog gets me through some rough spots.

Posted by: Wall on May 14, 2005 06:25 PM

It's amazing how people can change...and how much of love is just an illusion.

Posted by: UA on May 14, 2005 07:01 PM

God Damn, man. Move on. You fucking pussy. Think you're the only person that had their chain yanked? Show me Acidman, not this fucking crybaby.

I charge by the hour, and that will be $250, by the way.

Posted by: Velociman on May 14, 2005 07:32 PM

i think the real acidman has been kidnapped and some fucking drama queen has taken over.

Posted by: other brother daryl on May 14, 2005 10:07 PM

Acidman, Clear your mind, go to one of them Necked Beaches again, get your wick wet, and enjoy. Time Heals all wounds..Let it!

Posted by: Mark on May 14, 2005 11:25 PM

Man, after that JB incident and the shockwaves that followed, I'm almost afraid to post here. I'm on your side Rob, you were right in everything you said.

That said, I'll leave you with this - "Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur."

Posted by: Leuthen on May 14, 2005 11:45 PM

Oh yeah, I forgot the translation - "We choose to love, we do not choose to cease loving." (Syrus)

Love ya Rob, keep up the good work.

Posted by: Leuthen on May 14, 2005 11:47 PM

Take care and enjoy the outdoors, Don't do anything crazy. We want to see you you back here in one piece!

Posted by: Joe on May 15, 2005 01:32 AM

Hey velociman

...and I bet if you had a pussy you could get $1,000 an hour and would own half of Tampa by now.

Posted by: vinny on May 15, 2005 02:10 AM

I honestly think that if you make a commitment to love...honestly....irrevokably....without reservations..... that commitment is so powerfull that it will NEVER cease. You can move on and live without that person and you can dislike that person and maybe even hate. But the love will never stop regardless of what either of you do.That in and of itself is why love is powerfull and so meaningfull.

Posted by: arathorn on May 15, 2005 07:37 AM

Yea Rob, I know what you mean, but three months after she left I was returning from a fishing trip and George Jones was doing "He Stopped Loving Her Today" on the radio. I balled so hard I could hardly drive, then something cracked and I said to myself "HELL NO! I AIN'T GOING TO DIE THAT WAY"

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on May 15, 2005 10:08 AM

Every time I hear John Conlee sing "I Don't Remember Loving You" I smile.

Posted by: Renee on May 15, 2005 11:25 AM
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