Gut Rumbles
 

May 11, 2005

hot buns

I had to go to the post office in Springfield this morning, so I drove my mama's car today for the first time since I got it more than a week ago. It's a nice vehicle, with all the bells and whistles. It has only 10,000 miles on it.

But it has one feature that I'm not certain that I want in a car I drive in southeast Georgia. It has a BUTT-WARMER built into the seat. I shit you not. The SEAT has a heater in it.

I pulled out of the driveway and noticed about 100 yards down the road that my butt was becoming nicely warmed without anyone playing with it. Nice, I thought at first. This hot-seat would be really pleasant on a cold winter morning.

But this ain't a cold winter morning. The temperature is supposed to reach above 80 degrees today. After a while, that butt-warmer became uncomfortable. I looked all over the dashboard trying to locate some kind of on-off switch, but I couldn't find one.

By the time I got back from the post office, I had damn near toasted my codsack. My cojones were becoming roasted oysters. That device was cooking me alive and I still haven't figured out how to turn it off.

Just Damn! Looks like I'm going to have to read the owner's manual before all my manly parts fall off like tender meat from a well-grilled pig if I ever drive for more than an hour in that thing. That's a damn Yankee feature for a car.

I don't need it down South.

Comments

Got one in my truck Rob. And your right, they ARE nice on a cold morning. To turn it off, look for a button (square?) on the lower right next to the drivers seat. Should be next to the seat adjustment button.

Steve

Posted by: Steve on May 11, 2005 12:09 PM

My father has an SUV with seat warmers ... since the control is down on the edge of the seat it gets broken by people getting in and out of the vehicle. My experience was less than fun with that...It was broken so it stayed in the 'high' position...during summer...

Posted by: Princess Cat on May 11, 2005 12:12 PM

I need a truck that gives blow jobs, Cat

Posted by: catfish on May 11, 2005 12:18 PM

I breifly dated a guy who had that in his car. Our first date he thought he was gonna get me all excited and turned it on without telling me. It was the middle of winter here and pretty damn cold.
I noticed he kept looking at me expectedly and wondered wtf that was all about, when I asked him to find the nearest gas station he was a little puzzled. I said "I think I just pissed my pants cuz its really hot down there." After a few minutes of laughing his ass off he told me about the butt warmer.
And no I didn't really piss my pants.

Posted by: livey on May 11, 2005 12:33 PM

Just think Rob. When you are drunk and piss your pants, the hotseat will dry your pants. No need to go home and change. :-)

Posted by: assrot on May 11, 2005 12:41 PM

If you don't already have a vasectomy, this will make you sterile...

Posted by: Tulip on May 11, 2005 12:49 PM

Rob, just post what kind of car it is and I'll bet you get a precise location of the control in a reply in no time.
My Outback has the "all weather" package and I only use it in the coldest of winter here in the north edge of the South (No. Va.)

Posted by: BlogDog on May 11, 2005 02:31 PM

Oh but those butt warmers are sooooooo nice here in the north where it gets cooolllddd in the winter!

Posted by: Michele on May 11, 2005 02:37 PM

Thing's gotta have a fuse. Find it and yank it.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on May 11, 2005 04:14 PM

I have an all-weather "package" but it didn't come with any Subaru.

Posted by: McGehee on May 11, 2005 11:12 PM

RE McGehee:
Ar! Ar! Ar! Humor! I like humor!

Posted by: BlogDog on May 12, 2005 09:39 AM
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