Gut Rumbles
 

May 10, 2005

i missed it

I don't understand how I managed to forget the international respect for chickens day. That was fowl foul of me.

You still have time to submit a recipe for how to respect a chicken in a pot, on a grill or in the oven. Don't miss this chance to crow about your cooking.

Having raised chickens myself, I can testify that they are some of the nastiest, rotten-tempered, dumb-ass, shit-eating creatures on the face of the planet. I am convinced that the term "bird-brain" came from someone familiar with chickens. Someone NOT familiar with them must have come up with that idiotic idea of a "Respect for Chickens Day."

I once toured an industrial park in Charleston, South Carolina where three plants processed a total of more than one million chickens every day. They used everything but the squawk, too. It was a fascinating process to observe.

The chicken is handled once by human hands, and that's when they grab the fucker out of its cage and hang it upside-down by its feet from a conveyor that runs it into the factory. From there, machines do the rest. The bird is beheaded, scalded to remove the feathers, then either shrink-wrapped whole or cut to pieces for people to eat. The feathers and blood (plus the feet, beaks and every other inedible part) are boiled down in vats and then kiln-dried to make CHICKEN FEED.

That circle goes round and round.

Yeah, I respect chickens. I respect them most of all fried or cooked with home-made dumplings.

Comments

I used to have a pet rooster. He'd sleep with my horse and loved to go for car rides. In fact I had to make sure the fucker didn't jump in before I had the car door closed. When I'd go out on trail, he'd follow me to the neighboring farm and wait for me until I got back. Clucking behind me the whole way.

Posted by: Maeve on May 10, 2005 02:35 PM

I work in chicken plant, and I have a lot of respect for chickens and the people who eat them. Well, I owe my weekly paycheck to them anyway. That counts, right?

Posted by: Stereotype on May 10, 2005 11:06 PM
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