Gut Rumbles
 

May 09, 2005

we're all gonna die!! Again!

Whatever else you do, stay away from yellowstone park. If you go there, you're gonna DIE!!!

Recurring earthquake swarms, swelling and falling ground, and changes in hydrothermal features are cited in the report as evidence of unrest at Yellowstone.

The report calls for better monitoring of the 55 volcanoes in the very high and high threat categories to track seismic activity, ground bulging, gas emissions and hydrologic changes.

University of Utah geology professor Robert Smith, who monitors earthquakes and volcanic activity in Yellowstone, said more real-time monitoring should be helpful.

Don't you just love that guy's name? Robert Smith. I'd believe anything HE told me.

Besides... when you have a location full of scalding sulfuric water, geysers and constant geothermal activity, what is supposed to be surprising about this "research?" Nobody knew that the place was unstable before this profound discovery? Bullshit. THAT'S what makes it a tourist attraction.

You're more likely to drive your car into a sinkhole in Florida than to get toasted at Yellowstone Park. Tell me something I don't already know if you want to impress me.

Emissions of toxic gases from the park's geothermal features also pose a threat. Five bison dropped dead last year after inhaling poisonous gases trapped near the ground due to cold, calm weather near Norris Geyser Basin.

Five dead bison, done in by "toxic" gases. EVERYBODY RUN!!! RIGHT NOW!!! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!

Bejus. If I could read the news for one single day without finding a story designed to scare the shit out of me, I would die a happy man. But I'll never see that day, because I can tell you right now who takes that shit seriously. Wimmen do. You play that "risk" card on them and you get immediate attention. They hyperventilate and get the vapors as soon as you mention risk.

The 19th Amendment was a bad idea.


Comments

"GOT-DAMN" you are down on "wimmen" lately. We are not all alike dammit!
Besides I'm starting to think you are more fickle than most "wimmen" lately!

Posted by: livey on May 9, 2005 08:22 PM

I saw the Yellowstone Supervolcano movie and Tom Lockjaw's mini-wogumennary </imitating Brokaw> afterward. The impression I was left with was that all of that stuff that's been going on there has been going on for the last 600,000 years to a varying degree, and none of it suggests even a garden-variety eruption is about to happen, let alone a super-eruption.

The magma chamber under the park is like a very slowly beating heart, and the ground above it shifts accordingly. So one corner of the park is almost three feet higher now than it was thirty years ago? In another thirty years it'll be only two feet higher -- or six feet lower.

And the hot spot that created Yellowstone is slowly drifting northeastward, toward Billings.

Posted by: McGehee on May 9, 2005 08:41 PM

Those toxic gases are no joke. CO2 can be a killer. A nature show about Africa showed vultures being killed one by one as they landed to feast on a dead animal in a depression where CO2 gase had collected.

Didn't a village in Africa get wiped out about 10 years ago when CO2 trapped in the bottom of a lake suddenly "degassed" and the CO2 gas just rolled down a hill and smothered the village?

Posted by: joel on May 9, 2005 09:53 PM

If those damned kids would quit throwing Taco Bell burritos and Krystal burgers to Old Faithful we wouldn't have this problem.

Posted by: marcl on May 10, 2005 01:12 AM

Let's sacrifice a virgin and be done with it.

Posted by: Chablis on May 10, 2005 06:02 AM

What the hell does it mean when women "get the vapors"? Do they fart explosively or is it something else?

Posted by: assrot on May 10, 2005 07:26 AM

You think these people are paranoid about Yellowstone? Just ask them about the Canary Islands off the coast of Africa, one of which has a volcano that, if erupted, would send a HUGE mass of land careening into the Atlantic Ocean, creating a wave big enough fuck up the entire East Coast worse than those guys out in Indonesia. The Environazis would blame it on the US being an Evil Imperialist Empire of Darkness(TM).

Say, maybe that Palestinian scholar who says the US will cease to exist in 2007 will get his wish!

Posted by: JG22 on May 11, 2005 12:31 AM
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