Gut Rumbles
 

April 28, 2005

exploding toads?

I read this story and had myself a quite chuckle. Exploding toads are nothing new in southeast Georgia. My friends and I once strapped firecrackers onto the poor bastards and watched them make a few hops before the blow-up occurred.

I believe that toads were put on this earth for little boys to torture. My brother, the future lawyer, at around the age of 10, built himself a toad-execution device and held trials, where he found the defendant GUILTY and sentenced him to death.

After the judge (my brother) pronounced his verdict, the toad was placed into a box with a hinged lid. The lid had about 100 nails poking out of the bottom. My brother would slam the lid closed and end up with a holey toad.

He would then dispose of the toad-corpse by kicking the top off a red-ant mound and feeding the remains to the ants. We ALL did bad things to toads in those days. I even shot one out of a potato gun one day. Boy, did HE fly!!!

I am certain that the German problem with exploding toads is something environmental--- maybe even second-hand smoke--- but it could be another sign of global warming, too. I can understand little boys blowing up toads, because I did that when I was young. But when they start blowing up by themselves, it's time to worry about something. I don't know WHAT, but we should be worried.

Ribbit. Ribbit.

Comments

Oh god, that is a totally funny post,,,especially after meeting your brother and assuming him to be the "nice" guy!
We did some of the same things when I was a kid, except we also had a cemetery, complete with matchbox coffins and stick crosses for markers.
We could entertain ourselves all day with just one snake funeral!

Posted by: Michele on April 28, 2005 01:15 PM

The toads, God willing, priase be to Allah, will be blessed with a hoard of 72 virgin toads upon their arrival at the gates of Heaven.

Hey, if you die a virgin, does that mean you stand in line with 71 other virgins get raped by some Arab?

For answers to this check out http://reelcobra.blogspot.com/

Posted by: reelcobra on April 28, 2005 01:26 PM

when they start blowing up by themselves, it's time to worry about something

Yeah, little boys have to find something else to torture. Damn!

Posted by: brian on April 28, 2005 01:34 PM

I grew up in a rural area of Wisconsin and while there was no shortage of toads (or frogs either) to torture, I don't recall anyone blowing them up.

I do remember my brother collecting a jar filled with damp sand and adding black ants to it, to make his own ant farm. That got boring so he added red ants and we sat and watched them battle it out.

It was like our own little private National Geographic special.

Posted by: Trish on April 28, 2005 02:03 PM

I just think it's Mother Nature finding out if it's true that toads are on this earth for little boys to torture. She's just better at making them explode.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on April 28, 2005 04:30 PM

WE would duct tape the frogs in jeeps with M-80's and roll them down a hill in front of our house in Gray, Georgia. Someone was always in charge of yelling "INCOMING", that was of course until my cousin told my Mama and then an ass beatin ensued. Why does every post I leave on this site end up with me getting an ass beating?

Posted by: Lanceredstaterant on April 28, 2005 05:19 PM

Everybody knows that toads are still living in prehistoric times. Hell, they still haven't figured out how to get rid of their warts yet, so they damn sure have no business in or around today's modern ponds...but that ain't stoppin' 'em.

It's some radical, fundamentalist holy toad cleric's self-proclaimed jihad against the green, smooth skinned, aquatic, Zionist infidels that actually evolved there I tell ya! It's just a pussified terrorist act, done in the name of the so-called Allahribbet because they're jealous of the luxurious and self-indulgent lifestyle those frogs seem to have on the other side of the pond. So the toads are strappin' on suicide bomber belts to try to take out as many of those innocent, bass-dodging, democracy lovin' fly-eaters as they can in the process.

Some dem apologetic frogs been sayin' though that they brought it on themselves and that in reality it's all about the FLYZZZ!

well, that's my guess anyway...

(Oh, and you and your brother were a coupla sick puppies with wild 'maginations in your youth too)

Posted by: marcl on April 28, 2005 08:11 PM

My brother would slam the lid closed and end up with a holey toad.

In the name of the father, and of the son...

Posted by: McGehee on April 28, 2005 10:46 PM

Makes me think of the lemming-like frogs(toads, whatever) of Guam. When they migrate?, they literaly cover the roads. The roads, being of coral based concrete, polish out pretty good over time, and the squashed frogs are so dense, it's like driving on ice. There are times you cannot see the pavement for the dead frogs. And when the tropical sun gets high, the stench is ......... well, thank God for sea breezes.
-------------------------------------------------
Yeah, they 'splode (pop!) as you run over them. Like driving over bubble wrap.

Posted by: William on April 29, 2005 12:57 AM

"I believe that toads were put on this earth for little boys to toture."
This is the southern truth.
I thought about it, but I won't go there.

Posted by: Ed on April 29, 2005 08:13 AM

Then, of course, there's the capturing of birds and tying an M-80 (the kind that were available when you and I were kids) to their feet, lighting the fuse and letting them go. OOH RAH!! PLUS, sparrow hunting with a short barrel 12 guage.

(Insert your best Vincent Price evil laugh at this point.)

What can I say....... There's a reason they prefer to send 18 year old BOYs to war.

I think I'm better now. I just snipe squirrels and especially chip munks at 50 to 100 yards with the one shot, one kill rule. Fucking Varmint Cong. Got one yesterday at about 60 yards. A one shot head shot. ;-))

DrugStore Cowboy

Posted by: DrugStore Cowboy on April 29, 2005 09:35 AM

Buddy of mine's father owned a gas station growing up, so I learned how to quick freeze a toad with Freon. Then we'd either let em thaw out and hop away or play toad hockey until the sucker shattered. Damn, that makes a mess....

Posted by: SDN on April 30, 2005 06:25 PM

this was halarious i couldn't stop laughing

Posted by: fred on October 20, 2005 02:59 PM
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