Gut Rumbles

April 27, 2005

cell phones

I would like to drag off and shoot everybody who has one. They are GREAT communication devices, but that's not how most people use them. To most people, cell phones are a neat toy to use to call up and irritate somebody for no good reason whatsoever.

I don't like talking on the phone. I never have and I never will. I have TOLD numerous people that I don't like talking on the phone and what do I get? Hey, I'm on their speed-dial--- so call Rob and ask, "Whatcha doing?"

Is that a great way to start an important conversation or what? "Whatcha doing?" Well, I was minding my own fucking business until YOU called. Now, I'm on the phone with a dip-stick who called me just because he or she had happy fingers.

Georgia called me this weekend. It was the typical cell phone call. "Rob! It's Georgia! Does your carpet cleaner have attachments that allow you to clean a car?" I told her that I didn't know, but she was welcome to come over and look at it herself.

"I can't right now, because we're on the way to Melborne. Huh, huh huh. But when we get back, I may want to come look at it." Good, I said. When you get back from Melborne, you are more than welcome to look at my carpet cleaner.

Maybe I'm all fucked-up here, but I have a question. Why in the hell would you call somebody to ask about a carpet cleaner when you are going as fast as you can in the opposite direction from the carpet cleaner? Somewhere on Interstate 95, you realized just HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS to call Rob, RIGHT NOW about his carpet cleaner?

Bullshit. People with cell phones feel a NEED to call somebody. And they do. What REALLY chaps my ass is when the cell-phone addicts call somebody and hand ME the phone, saying "Talk to them."

If I wanted to talk to them, I would have called myself. I don't LIKE to talk on the phone. I don't make calls to ask "whatcha doing?" I don't find the urge to call somebody and ask about a carpet cleaner in Rincon, Georgia, when I'm headed for Melborne, Florida, either.

I think cell phones should be implanted in people's asses and it should hurt like a rock-hard shit to get it out. Maybe that would stop some of the silly crap I see every day.


Right you are.

And people who use 'em when they drive oughta have them wedged up they asses, too. Drives me nuts - and that's a short drive.

What about those Got-damn bluetooth dinguses? Looks like a big ear-booger, and these people are walking around, seemingly talking to themselves like psychos. Yeef.

BTW, welcome back, Rob. Shit, if you didn't blog, your head might explode. Good on ya.

Posted by: Elisson on April 27, 2005 05:50 PM

Never mind "people's asses".....


Posted by: Maggie on April 27, 2005 05:58 PM

With you here, Rob.
I have a cel and avg 1 call every 4 days, usually incoming.

Posted by: Todd on April 27, 2005 06:15 PM

Makes you wonder how in the world people survived 20 years ago before we had them.

Are people really THAT important that they have to drive down the road with a cell phone on their ear?

Posted by: Alaska Kim on April 27, 2005 06:39 PM

I feel the same way about the cellphone wearing idiots you see standing outside the window at the TV studio while you are trying to watch FOX News in the morning.

They are all talking on their cellphones, letting "mama" or "honey" or "bubba" or "whoever" tell them how to move their body and twist their stupid heads so they can be seen on national TV.

If I'm ever seen on national TV it will be as a result of going on a killing rampage taking out every moron I find talking on a cellphone with nothing to say.

Posted by: Virgil on April 27, 2005 07:19 PM

They're a fucking addiction, like alcohol and drugs, man. Some people use the things in moderation, or only in emergencies, but it seems that the vast majority of those who have one (everyone) use it to chat and bitch with their friends and family.

I can't count the number of times kids at my highschool have had their cell phones go off in the middle of class because they're too damned stupid or forgetful or drugged up to remember to turn the ringer off. If the teachers want to fix this damned cell phone epidemic, they should reconstruct the rules as follows: any student who's cell phone accidentally goes off during class, or are found talking on it during class, get it taken away from them stomped on repeatedly until it's in at least two dozen pieces.

Posted by: JG22 on April 27, 2005 07:20 PM


She should have put it on vibrate.

Posted by: dipnut on April 27, 2005 07:26 PM

Dipnut, nay....she would have had to go here to get the best effect:,1367,58442,00.html

Tee hee hee.

Posted by: Maggie on April 27, 2005 07:34 PM

The best thing about cell phones is
you can turn them OFF!

Posted by: mike on April 27, 2005 08:30 PM

Yo, CAT!!!

You tryin' to get me killed, or sumthin'?

*tosses Nextel cell across room*

Posted by: Stevie on April 27, 2005 09:06 PM

"I think cell phones should be implanted in people's asses and it should hurt like a rock-hard shit to get it out."

Hell, no. Stapled to their tits.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on April 27, 2005 09:41 PM


A woman who is a good friend of mine had this comment about that incident: "YUCK! Itís NOT supposed to double as a purse, you know."

We first saw it at

and the e-mail exchange we had was titled "V-Mobile - get more"

Rob: Good to have you back! As others have said, the same goes for me: Yours is the FIRST blog I read every day.

John A.

Posted by: John A. on April 27, 2005 09:46 PM

Yes, I called about the carpet cleaner and I still want it but now I'm in Alexandia Va. Mel says hi The Belizemobile is really digusting inside. And I knew you would want to know(HAHA) ga

Posted by: ga on April 27, 2005 09:47 PM

As a female with a 50 mile round trip commute, I find mine a safety blanket.

I guess I lost the teenage gabby part of being a chick, because I am puzzled (and mostly annoyed) when someone doesn't have a REASON as to why they are calling. "Oh hi, how are you...." *crickets* drives me NUTS.

I avoid talking while driving as much as possible, and keep the phone on my right side and I slump a little so people behind me can't see. Cause I know I instantly equate someone on a cell phone driving to ASSHOLE.

Posted by: Cythen on April 28, 2005 12:00 AM

I never thought I'd own a cellphone but here in Germany...private lines can be's cheaper to use the damn cell phone..I've yet to talk on it outside my home though...I'd like to think I won't never abuse the thing...

Teenagers like 'em though...I do feel safer knowing my daughter has one when she's out..she's been real responsible so far with that phone...hasn't gone over her just costs too much for her to use the regular line over here...

Posted by: Sandy on April 28, 2005 04:22 AM

Rob, at least your cellphone harrassers speak English. For the first several months I had my cellphone, I was getting calls from people who only spoke Spanish, and there was nothing I could do or say that would convince them they had the wrong number.

If I hung up on 'em they would just call back; if I ignored the call they wouldn't leave a voicemail, they'd just hang up and dial again.

Finally I just set the phone to only ring if a call came in from a number I'd saved on the damn thing. That worked.

Posted by: McGehee on April 28, 2005 09:33 AM

I think I use all of fifteen minutes a month of my cell phone time. Most of that is Daisycat calling me as I'm pulling into the driveway--"Honey! Aren't you coming home YET?!"

"No. I'll be working all night. See you tomorrow. Bye."

Posted by: Desert Cat on April 28, 2005 10:56 PM

My mother has NEVER, in the two years that she's had it, used her cell phone for an emergency, and yet she uses it every single day, mostly for bullshitting to everyone she knows, mostly while she's driving. It's a wonder that she hasn't gotten into a single accident yet.

Posted by: JG22 on May 1, 2005 10:35 PM
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