Gut Rumbles

April 20, 2005

depressing news

I didn't really need to read this survey. It just depressed the hell out of me.

The study showed women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. Researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they've ruled out other explanations.

When a man has a radical prostatectomy, the doctor removes not only the prostate gland, but all semenal vessicles, too. That means you don't EVER produce cum anymore. You can have an orgasm, but it's a dry-fire. You'll never make a wet spot on the bed again, unless you piss all over yourself, which I have been known to do since I had that surgery.

Sometimes I wish that I had died rather than survive that procedure. It certainly changed my life, and the change was NOT for the better. Before I had the operation, I did a lot of reading about what all was involved, and I didn't like any of it. But one thing EVERY piece of literature said was, "Communicate with your partner. Let her know what is about to happen."

I did that. The cunt dropped me like a hot rock and ran off with an unemployed dope-smoker. Whatta woman. I could have used a friend back then, instead of having my face pushed into a pile of shit.

But I survived. I've been raised that way, and I believe in hanging on by your fingernails when the going gets tough. If it was easy, any asshole could do it. Maybe that's one reason I like this guy so much. Life dealt him a bad hand, too--- but he hasn't let it slow him down.

I admire courage when I see it.

I've tried. I really have. I've done everything I know to do to put the past behind me and get on with what could be a really good life. I have money, I have friends and I don't have to work anymore. I have achieved the American Dream.

But I would trade every bit of that to have my plumbing back the way it used to be.


I wish that there was something I could say to make you feel better.

Posted by: Maeve on April 20, 2005 11:23 PM

Did ya'll ever wonder how they think up doing these studies? Imagine them sitting around the table...OK gentlemen we've been given umpteen million dollars...How do we make the mankind better?

What would I study.......I think I'd look for a pill to cure meanness. If less people were mean, more people might hook up. So it would be curing loneliness, too!

Posted by: Maggie on April 21, 2005 06:06 AM

There was an article reported by Reuters June 26, 2004 titled "Hormones in Semen Shown to Make Women Feel Good." I made multiple copies and have been known to surreptiously leave them lying around. The last sentence in the article is the best. Here it is:
"The scientists suspect semen will have the same effect on women regardless of how they are exposed to it."
Well I'm no rocket scientist (actually I am, but I like using the cliche), but my research shows that oral ingestion of semen by females results in weight loss and bust enlargement in direct proportion to the frequency of said ingestion.
And for you guys out there I've heard (no shit this is true) that alcholics are protected from prostate cancer.
Maybe I need to drink more and attend "Writer's Workshops!"

Posted by: Ed on April 21, 2005 08:37 AM

I read this, and immediately found the full article and forwarded it to the Warden. My ceaseless attempts to contact her have been fruitless. She's ducking me. That means she read it. Thanks, Acidman.

Posted by: uncle juju on April 21, 2005 02:40 PM
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