Gut Rumbles
 

April 15, 2005

chlordane

You can't buy that stuff anymore. The EPA banned it. That's a crying shame, too.

I had a bad flea outbreak in my yard around 1980. Not only were those bugs eating my dogs, but they were eating ME, Samantha and my first ex-wife at the same time. It was a fucked-up situation, and nothing I tried slowed those hungry bastards down. They invaded the house and made everybody miserable.

I worked with an old guy who farmed about 35 acres when he wasn't at the plant. He gave me a quart jar of chlordane and told me to be REALLY CAREFUL about how I handled that stuff.

Holy Bejus!

That was some good shit. Mixed 20-to-1 with water, it killed everything in the yard. It killed all the fleas, knocked out a few squirrels and birds and made BOTH of my dogs sick as hell, because my dumbass ex-wife didn't listen to what I told her.

"Debbie, DO NOT turn the dogs out into the back yard until we've had a good rain."

What does SHE DO? She turns the dogs out the next day and damn near kills them both. "I didn't know!" she said, while crying.

I told you not to do it. You SAW what I did in the back yard. I killed everything in the back-yard UNIVERSE and YOU DIDN'T KNOW??? That's a woman for you.
She didn't know, even after being TOLD.

She damn sure knew how to operate a credit card. Didn't have to be told how to spend me in debt up to my ass.

But, I digress here. I just wish I could still buy chlordane.


Comments

If you poured Chlordane into a trench around your foundation, you could keep termites away from your house for 25 years. I kept a small amount for serious small problems--like around my mailbox post. I miss it as much as DDT.

Posted by: Woody on April 15, 2005 12:10 AM

We used to use that shit in Florida when I was a kid. Made the house smell like burnt rubber but killed those little flying birds called 'cockroaches' dead!

Posted by: Al on April 15, 2005 12:37 AM

I kinda know where there might be a a gallon of the good shit... My house is good for at least maybe 50 years, chlordane never goes away. I laugh at termites
I laugh at the EPA,
I best shut up... I know knothing, not a fuckin' thing.
Drug store? not me, no way. I didn't do shit! well shit

Posted by: murry on April 15, 2005 01:38 AM

A nukler bomb would kill shit too but I don't want my neighbor using one in his backyard dipshit.

Posted by: Beth's Boyfriend on April 15, 2005 06:32 AM

Old Southern remedy: broadcast yard lime. Kills fleas harmlessly and cheaply. (Really! Told to me by an old, OLD Southerner. And it works! Fringe benefit: greener grass.)

Posted by: Indigo on April 15, 2005 08:07 AM

Broadcast lime will keep fleas at bay, but DO NOT wash your dog in that shit, or it will shrink and turn as white as Michael Jackson.

Posted by: Florida Bill on April 15, 2005 08:26 AM

I'm with you 110%! I used the last I had about 15 years ago and really wish I had some now. There are most definitely times when you want to kill all living things in an area and Chlordane sure got the job done.

Posted by: WarWagon on April 15, 2005 09:44 AM

Beth's Boyfriend, if I were your neighbor, I'd use it in your backyard.

Posted by: McGehee on April 15, 2005 01:08 PM

When did Americans turn from respecting each other's liberty to insisting on the government backing up their intolerance, like Beth's soon to be ex-boyfriend?

Posted by: Brett on April 16, 2005 01:49 PM

One time my wife complained to her farmer father about how hard it was to keep down the dandilions in our yard. Next year he brought a gallon of "industrial strength" 2,4D.
It lasted more than 25 years at the amount I mixed with water. Killed them DEAD. And, I had to call "the boys" to remove the remaining 3/4 gallon in a rusty can when I sold the house and moved. A-man, you're the chemical dude. Was it legal to sell shit this potent ?

Posted by: Dan Pursel on April 16, 2005 06:34 PM

your ex-wife is an idiot.

Posted by: none on May 26, 2005 11:37 AM

Wish I could buy it too. It was the only thing that kept my home free of spiders. I am inundated now and wish I could buy some.

Posted by: Heather on June 6, 2007 08:26 PM

I have a 5 gal can of the stuff.

Posted by: Voncille on July 16, 2009 02:25 PM

Hey Voncille-I sure would like to buy a gallon of that termite killer--Wildman009@hotmail.com

Posted by: Wildman on August 15, 2009 02:53 PM

Chlordane and chemicals like it are called poison for a reason. Unfortunately some people scoff at the term and take it lightly. They also take lightly the fact that some chemicals were prohibited because of how deadly and impacting they are.
To take a humorous look at this is an oxymoron. It is not a humorous issue.

My husband died from pesticide poisoning that was accidental. It is not a funny or a laughing issue at all.

To make it one shows your ignorance, disrespect and callous disregard of your fellow man.

Posted by: Susan on March 23, 2010 12:08 AM
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