Gut Rumbles
 

April 13, 2005

It ain't no big deal

Keep telling yourself that, over and over again, when things become difficult. It ain't no big deal. Hell, I've mounted steeper hills than THIS one. Ain't but a few steps for a climber.

See how long you can keep doing it. After a while, that shit wears you down. I believe that everybody eventually reaches the point where he or she looks at that next mountain and says, "It just ain't worth it. I'm gonna stop right here."

I have reached that point.

Comments

It's okay to stop, but watch out for that truck coming up fast behind you. The driver looks like your former wife.

Posted by: Woody on April 13, 2005 07:36 PM

Non Illigitimi corborundum
Don't let the bastards wear you down!

Posted by: witch on April 13, 2005 08:04 PM

I think everyone's breaking point is at a different level. It depends on your attitude, your strengths, your weaknesses. At times, life reall sucks. How many of us have said "I don't know if I can't take much more?" The fact of the matter is, if we want to live, we have no choice. We plug along, day to day. Sometimes, it's better than others. Sometimes, the bad stuff lasts alot longer.

Pardon the cliche, but you either sink or swim. It's a personal choice. I'm not saying it's easy.

Posted by: Moogie on April 13, 2005 08:14 PM

That point is called detachment. A lot of eastern mysticism indicates that's the first step in the journey.

Posted by: Bonita on April 13, 2005 08:23 PM

Right...but wouldn't detachment be considered avoidance? How can you face a problem down if you avoid it?

Posted by: Moogie on April 13, 2005 08:42 PM

If that means your in Denver look me up.

Posted by: Bruce Kelly on April 13, 2005 08:51 PM

Sounds like its time to go back to Costa RIca.

Posted by: Rey on April 13, 2005 09:11 PM

good question, Moogie. Detachment is more like walking through something, indifferent to the impact, because life happens on a variety of levels, some of which we aren't even aware of. It is imperative to use all one's resources, yes, and to confront life head-on.

Posted by: Bonita on April 13, 2005 09:16 PM

so you are giving up on your son? I'm sure the BC is thrilled. Congrats on making her happy.

Posted by: livey on April 13, 2005 09:24 PM

Bonita, y'all believe that shit? Then good on ya, but I can't see it. Rob's right, as ol' Doc Watson (among others) has sung- Life gets tee-jus, don't it?

Posted by: unclejuju on April 13, 2005 09:25 PM

Detachment works for me, but there is also passionate engagement while being detached. A paradox, maybe, but not a contradiction. It's an art to be passionately engaged while not caring about the outcome. Of course, the trick is letting go of guilt and attachment to the past, and fear of the future. The mind loves the fear and the guilt and the attachment.

Posted by: WitNit on April 13, 2005 09:36 PM

Well, you're an adult and don't need anyones permission to do what you feel is best. If you ARE leaving though, you might collect a few notes from the living to pass on to folks you might meet in your journey. I'd bet you could collect a little fee for it, whether you think your destination is heaven or hell.

And, completely hypothetically, I read a story about a guy who had decided to end it all, and, (Hypothetically of course, and having NO basis in reality), he decided to make a list of folks to take WITH him since he had nothing to fear or lose. Interesting story. Might make the ending to your novel posts the other day.

It would be interesting, (hypothetically of course and only as a metaphor for a fictional story), to be faced with terminal date but still able to function for a while. In theory, some of the folks that some other folks think aren't worth shooting, might find the fee increased.

For my part, in reality, its always interesting to see what might happen next. When it gets dark, its going to BE dark for a LONG time. No point in seeking an early departure date. Weather is going to be good the next week or so. Yard can stand mowing. Ducks are going to the lake in five or six days. Checks are in the mail.

Posted by: robert on April 13, 2005 09:53 PM

I know that feeling. Life just keeps piling on the garbage and you think there will be a break - a reward for good behavior - and you keep waiting, and waiting...

Posted by: "Nicolette" on April 13, 2005 09:54 PM

Witnit, you ARE describing one of life's paradoxes - the thrill of engagement while maintaining detachment - you're steppin' up there! And, yes, Uncle JuJu, when life gets to ya, and confusion muddles ya up, best to let go for awhile and just play music all night long....now, I gotta get up at 4:00a.m., you'all just sleep tight, and in light of the earlier commentary, "Don't let the bedbugs bite."

Posted by: Bonita on April 13, 2005 09:58 PM

I think everyone's breaking point is at a different level. It depends on your attitude, your strengths, your weaknesses.

The one really good thing I think I learned from my dad is, no matter how much you want to give up before you're really, truly finished -- you can't. You stop, you fall down flat on your face, you swear to Whoever that you aren't moving another step, ever again.

And you stay put.

And then you get bored.

And then you get up and keep going.

A fucking curse is what it is.

Posted by: McGehee on April 13, 2005 10:08 PM

Rob, I think you need to go to Cats house and bag those alligators you've been talking about. Bring a few of those guns you don't own...

Make yourself a couple suitcases out of their asses and take another trip to Costa Rica for some good chow and pleasant company.

Just a thought!

Posted by: JimA on April 13, 2005 10:20 PM

What McGehee said.
I've had much of the same shit happen, and more keeps coming. I'm tired, but running beats having the bus hit me.
Somehow the fucking hills end up behind.
Tired? You want tired?
Feel my pulse.
I'm short the bionic dick, but other than that....
Pushing air in & out beats not pushing air in & out. So I'm led to believe.
Sometimes I wonder.
But them hills are back there apiece. Little suckers, now that I look back.
But shit, you should see the one up ahead. Geezus.

Posted by: Horrabin's Mistakes on April 13, 2005 10:55 PM

Mountain? Shit, I can't even walk up three steps. I have been fighting all my life and finally I can take it easy, retired and who gives a fuck, Cat.

Posted by: catfish on April 13, 2005 10:58 PM

For me it was always, "This too, shall pass"
Got me through many days when the world was crashing down on me. Rob, allow a lurker from Missouri to offer his encouragement.
-m

Posted by: Mark on April 13, 2005 11:10 PM

I like to say, "when life gives you lemons, make lemon drop martinis".
I've got an orchard of lemons right now and I'm one busy girl making those martinis.
Hang in there Rob.

Posted by: Maeve on April 13, 2005 11:40 PM

"I'm gonna stop right here."

No advice here...In fact, second the motion - I'll join you and sit my ass out for a while as well.

Posted by: Princess Cat on April 14, 2005 12:23 AM

A couple of things I figured out in my short life on this green earth:
1) When it comes down to it, I have more resources to keep going than I ever imagined.
2) While the mountain sometimes seems too big to climb, at least the next step doesn't seem all that big to take.

I've often looked back and shuddered at what I came through, and swear I'll never get into something like that again. But somehow I got through it anyway.

Posted by: Desert Cat on April 14, 2005 01:08 AM

Rob, you reached that point, crawled over it,. Never give up the ghost, I didn't, but wanted too. Prison time really sucks.
Go blast out Sea Island w/ vman and all . I will suffer withdrawals slowly and look forward to my reading fix next week . You have it going on down south! We have idiots here.

Posted by: murry on April 14, 2005 02:26 AM

If I can put up with this shit here, You damn sure can hold your end of the wacky stick.

Gettin old ain't for pussies..........and don't you fergitit.

Posted by: wes jackson on April 14, 2005 02:39 AM

Come walk in my shoes for while and give me this rosy advice. Otherwise, go fuck your all-knowing self, because you don't know what you're talking about.

Posted by: Acidman on April 14, 2005 03:58 AM

Bonita, y'all believe that shit? Then good on ya, but I can't see it. Rob's right, as ol' Doc Watson (among others) has sung- Life gets tee-jus, don't it?

Posted by: unclejuju on April 14, 2005 05:59 AM

Oh, geez, another rainy night in Georgia.

".........come walk in my shoes".

Sounds to me like ya'll need to take off those old shoes, AND WALK BAREFOOT FOR A WHILE, FRIEND.

Posted by: Maggie on April 14, 2005 06:29 AM

The thing about it is, I'm sure there are alot of people that have walked in your shoes, or damn near the same size. All they were trying to do was give you support. Back up and read Rob..these are your friends.

Posted by: Moogie on April 14, 2005 07:08 AM

Brother I am far too stupid to advise you how to procede on any set of circumstances but the reality of the situation is this; One of the rules of physics or of nature if you prefer is "If something always has been it always will be" You have hung in there for ever and you always will and the basic reason why is cause you can and you are not one of those namby pamby fellas that say 'its ok........you screwed over me I forgive you I just want to forget it and go peacefull into that good night" Bull crap .......that isn't you and it never will be you . You are a scrapper a fighter and it is the only way it can be cause like I said earlier....you always have been.

Posted by: arathorn on April 14, 2005 07:20 AM

If you stop now, the fire ants win.

On a more serious note, though, I think Moogie's right; the commenters here are trying to be friendly and helpful. I won't bother. You've got a couple of decades of experience on me; I'm sure that anything that I could try to say to encourage or help will be completely inadequate, or worse, offensive.

That said, add me to the list of people who hope you find a way past that point, and I'll pray for you.

Posted by: Robin S. on April 14, 2005 08:28 AM

Vince Gill does a song on this subject. Take a breather and listen a few times. Is this what you want? No? "Gird your loins" and get on with it then. You know I'll help!

Posted by: Ed on April 14, 2005 08:29 AM

Me too.
Fuck em all.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on April 14, 2005 09:19 AM

I feel what you're going through. I have recently had the same thing happen to me in my professional life (the term 'professional' used loosely here). When everything came to a head, I decided that nothing is worth my health, my happiness, or my family, and for once I didn't err on the side of caution. I have been happy ever since, despite the uncertainty.

Posted by: David K on April 14, 2005 10:21 AM

I know how you feel, Rob. Three years ago my 30 year old son stopped speaking to me, for no apparent reason. I tried everything I could think of to learn of the horrible act I had inadvertently committed against him, but to no avail. I finally gave up, and now tell people who ask "He died about 3 years ago from unknown causes". He inherits $1 from my will, something my attorney said I should do to keep him from breaking the will. What's ironic is that during the last 3 years the wooded acre that I live on, with a creek that runs through it, has increased in value from $100k+ to over $1M and is still climbing at an astronomical rate. I suspect his silence is due to something my Ex has cooked up. Ain't payback grand!

Posted by: Vulgorilla on April 14, 2005 10:45 AM

Somebody call the waaaaambulance.

Posted by: Kinda, sorta, maybe on April 14, 2005 10:47 AM

People all over the world face all kinds of shit: loss of family, loss of friends, loss of home, loss of limbs, loss of faith, loss of a reason to live. I don't have answers for anyone but myself. All I know is, it doesn't matter what happens to me, what matters is how I respond. In my experience, I create my world. Heaven and hell are my creations inside my own damn head. This may not be true for anyone else, I can't know for sure. But it's true for me.

Posted by: WitNIt on April 14, 2005 10:58 AM

All's I can say is try to hang in there. I feel for ya'.

Posted by: Surfie on April 14, 2005 11:28 AM

They say hope springs eternal but I say eternity springs up hope. So don't give it up yet.

Posted by: Gravdigr on April 14, 2005 01:05 PM

YOU need to pack your shit and get the HELL out of Georgia. Get as far away from the BC as you can. That's all I've got to say.

Posted by: Your Daughter on April 14, 2005 01:38 PM

Whimper...whimper...whimper. Quit your fucking whining and get back on the horse that threw you. Go smoke a doobie or something. Good luck.

Posted by: Assrot on April 14, 2005 01:44 PM

Its your decision only you know how you feel.

Posted by: James Old Guy on April 14, 2005 01:45 PM

You inspired a post "Melancholy and Madness". Probably useless, but there it is.

Click on my name.

Posted by: WitNIt on April 14, 2005 01:53 PM

So you're a quitter. Never suspected that. I would've thought you were one that was going to go down swinging but I've been wrong before.

Posted by: WarWagon on April 14, 2005 02:06 PM

Sam's right. You need a vacation. Aren't you going to Jekyll this weekend?

Posted by: caltechgirl on April 14, 2005 02:06 PM

Have fun in Jekyll, Rob. Don't drink too much of V-man's punch. Wish I could come to meet you and all the other crazy people over there. Maybe next time. We'll look forward to a full report with pics come Monday.

Posted by: Dash on April 14, 2005 02:07 PM

I won't offer advice - I don't know how I keep myself going sometimes, so I sure as heck am not the one to try to do it for someone else.

Sometimes, one does just have to stop. It may not be permanent, could just be a breather, mayhap a very long one. Or maybe a chance to look for a different path, with more manageable and rewarding hills. Whatever, I'll keep coming back here to read, and vicariously follow your journey, wherever it is taking you.

I do look forward to your fiction postings.

Take care.

Posted by: LibraryGryffon on April 14, 2005 02:08 PM

I was on duty as Officer of the Deck while our ammunition ship was tied up at Subic Bay (Philippines). A guy who was charged with stealing money on the ship was waiting in the small storage closet for the MPs to pick him up to take him away. I heard a breaking of glass in the closet. I looked in and he was holding up a broken jagged light bulb near his wrist. I said nothing and simply closed the door. (he didn't kill himself.) I'm closing the door on you.

Posted by: Phil on April 14, 2005 02:12 PM

Pick your battles, A-man. Some aren't worth fighting, so it's best to just roll out the saturation bombing.

Get yourself a bike and hit the road for a while. Trust me on this, it works well for leaving one's ghosts behind.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on April 14, 2005 02:18 PM

Talk to Kim at TNoR (or Terpsboy) if you want therapy.
Otherwise:
Do it or stop whining
I'll miss your rants though and VG will be the only REAL loony out there. (the ones with brain I mean)

OH the larfs we've had
OH the fun we've had
Oh the gropes we've had
Do you think we've been had

Cheers

Nic Steenekamp

Posted by: Nic Steenekamp on April 14, 2005 02:21 PM

No Advice...Can't say I know how you feel...

You have to do what's best for YOU...

I just hope you figure out what that is....

Good Luck....

Hang in there....

Don't let the Bastards get you Down!

Posted by: Wendi on April 14, 2005 02:47 PM

No advice here either, but the words of your daughter and Mr. Lion sound pretty sage to me.

Posted by: Florida Bill on April 14, 2005 03:01 PM

if you want a change of scenery, per daughter's advice, you're welcome to come hang out at my house in Arkansas.

Posted by: Circa Bellum on April 14, 2005 04:48 PM

Yes, Sam is right. Whatever you ulitimately decide to do, however long you want to stop, you can't really make that decision where you are now. (As I said, look for a different path, with different hills.) New scenery often gives new energy - if nothing else it will give you the distance to look at what has been going on honestly, which is really hard to do when you are in the middle of it.

Maybe you should just move permanently to Costa Rica; it seemed to agree well with you, or you with it.

I did say I wouldn't try to give advice, didn't I? Oh well.

(I have been assuming that by stopping, you mean stop fighting things, stop beating against those brick walls, stop striving.)

Posted by: LibraryGryffon on April 14, 2005 04:59 PM

Sometimes after tax time I feel the same way, Although you have some other problems overwhelming you too,the old saw about "Life is like a shit sandwitch,the more bread you got ,the less shit you eat"comes to mind cause the IRS just raped you out of a considerable amount of bread.

Posted by: big al on April 14, 2005 05:03 PM

go pick up your son (without asking) and take your ass to Costa Rica. Oh but move you money first. It is time for you to start over. Spend a few years on the beach watching your son grow up and let the bloodless cunt scream.

Posted by: Cody on April 14, 2005 05:18 PM

Yes, Uncle JuJu. Life does, indeed get 'tee-jus'.....and thus spun the nascent planet earth, swathed in clouds and mist, sunshine and shadow, with it's humanity pleading and hoping, scratching and groaning...all of them unaware of Earth's tranquil slide through a vast universe, with questions of its own...was anyone listening?

Posted by: Bonita on April 14, 2005 05:26 PM

I have a place up in the mountains of New Mexico up in the tall pines. 30 miles south of nowhere, serene and quiet. If you email me I'll tell you what rock by what tree the keys are, It's yours as long as you need it.

Posted by: Billy Budd on April 14, 2005 06:05 PM

Come float for a while.

It's good for what ails you, and it's a damn sight closer to Costa Rica, too.

And I've got plenty o' bourbon n' seegars.


Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on April 14, 2005 09:08 PM

What is this? Comment # 59?

Good Lawd Amighty...you are getting to be one damn BORE....

You've been whining more than a six-time welfare mother...who can't tell me who the father be to any one of them six babies.

Whine....where the hell is my FUCKING CHEESE?

And for the record, I WANT ST. ANDRE BLUE.

It's running about $20. a pound so Mr. Big, I have no problem there, YOU BETTER SEND ME AT LEAST TWO POUNDS...

Cause I enjoy my life...as much as I have suffered ...as much as I have seen...as tall as the next damn ant MT is....as much as I have wanted to roll over and go back to sleep...baby, oh, baby.

Don't even think of going tit for tat with the
MAGGIE........

This mama been around the block and back...and NO i ain't YOUR MAMA, but yes, iI am somebody's MAMA...and I can lick your sorry old skinny ass before you knows you wuz thumped. Yuz be real down low on the floor.....and this mama's foot be inside your ear.

NOW, FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL...STOP FEEDING ACID THIS POPPY COCK CRAP.

ACID...TAKE OFF THEM DAMN OLD SHOES.

FIREANTS OR NOT..

WALK BAREFOOT.

SMELL THE CHITTLINS ON THE STOVE.

AND SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAP.

Posted by: Maggie on April 14, 2005 09:21 PM

Again, with the "what... said"
What Dana said.
I have zero friends, and damn few aquiantances. And yes I know that was spelled wrong. So don't start.
I'm going thru some MAJOR issues myself. I may not have a job or a place to sleep 2 weeks from now, let alone DSL.
So I can, to a point, agree with Rob on the original post that started all this. Not too long.
I'm still running tho. The bus hasn't caught up.
Just scroll up a bit, you'll find the reference.
Rob, if I can keep running, your Cracker ass certainly can.
I'm 2 years younger than you, not retired, I don't own a fucking thing, and nobody laid a settlement on my Yankee ass.
If I ever meet you or Cat, I'll certainly fork over the price of a drink to you both though, if I have it.
Meanwhile, I hear the bridge down the road is pretty peaceful after midnite. No traffic. You can get some sleep.
I cry for you.
But, I have to say, while I still have internet access, I really do feel for what you're going thru. Been there, done that. It does get worse, in some cases.
And thanks for the email you sent last week.
Rob, don't take this screed the wrong way, man. I have had a rough couple days, and I ain't in a good mood. You have the "must-read-first" blog I check every day. I hope your head works out.
I may be a Yankee sumbitch, but we're in the same country. At least you spika da engliss.
That's all folks.
Nothing more to read here, move along to the next post.

Posted by: Horrabin's Mistakes on April 14, 2005 09:42 PM

I wasn't going to join this thread, because I've let you know my attitudes on your attitude about this before.

However, you have a daughter who has weighed in here, and potentially, at some point, a son who probably won't see these posts, but may find out about them second hand.

It's very easy to say your situation is the very worst in the world and no one else has it worse and then to abdicate your position. It's much harder and much more honorable to say your position is the very worst in the world and no one else has it worse and just slog through it. Regardless of how it hurts.

Really, there are other folks who have gone through pain as great as yours. If you don't think that, you're just wrong. I don't care if you ban me. Because, I've been through some pretty intense shit the last couple of years, as have most of your other posters and,especially, friends.

You can't possibly ever give up. You just can't. Think of Sam and Quinton. Unless they're hankering to write some memoirs that you don't want to read.

Now stop fucking with people and either go talk to someone who is completely unrelated to you (been there and done that and it helped) and coredump as long as you have to, or, whatever.

I have a feeling I won't be posting anymore here because you'll tell me I'm full of shit. So, it has been immensely entertaining and enlightening and I was just getting to almost sort of know you cyberwise. Because you've been through some of the EXACT SAME crap as I and my husband have been through recently.

But, c'est la vie.

Posted by: bbking on April 14, 2005 10:01 PM

Rob, this is your life...your reality. No one here can, or should, tell you how to live it. I will only offer my ear through email if you need it and my hope that when you decide to start climbing again, only GOOD things come your way.

Posted by: Chablis on April 14, 2005 10:12 PM

Holy crap. I just read Maggie's comment. You rock.

Posted by: bbking on April 14, 2005 10:17 PM

Feh, I wasn't going to comment either but I'm compelled because I like reading your blog.

Go to Jekyl this weekend, hell, go now. You sit there and think by yourself to much, such things you don't need to be doing.

Go watch a sunrise with a drink in one hand and a cigar in the other, it's beautiful this time of year.

Posted by: Gmac on April 14, 2005 10:26 PM

Sorry to see your havin a ruff time lately, buddy.. Just remember that there are a bunch of us out here that care.. I do have a little bit of advise for ya tho.. GO GET YOURSELF A DOG !! Any respectable redneck, cracker needs himself a dog.. Hope to see you back in fine form again soon.. Happy Trails..

Posted by: Wild Bill on April 14, 2005 10:32 PM

I can just hear Winston Churchill's growling voice:

"WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER! "


nic

Posted by: niconoclast on April 15, 2005 05:46 AM
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