Gut Rumbles

April 07, 2005

throwing in the towel

Time is running out, so I sat down and tried to do my income taxes today. Bejus on a bicycle and fuck me dead. I developed a terrible headache and became so confused that I almost took a big slug of that Green Apple Advantage cleaner I bought the other day when I was reaching for a Mountain Dew.

Between the lump-sum retirement bullshit, the 401-K rollover bullshit, the IRA bullshit, the stock and dividend bullshit and the bullshit instructions on how to figure out this bullshit on those bullshit "worksheets," I finally just gave up.

I'm going to go see H & R Block tomorrow.

(UPDATE: I am an English Major. I don't do math. But if what I calculate so far is true, I'm going to need a Kotex the size of a bale of hay to strap to my bleeding ass once Uncle Sam is finished raping me. I can hear the H & R Block guy now... "Can you squeal like a PIG, boy?")


Good idea. I pay a CPA $90 to do mine every year, that way I don't even have to THINK about it. Well worth the $90.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on April 7, 2005 02:46 PM

Yes! Go to H&R Block.

I TOLD you!

Seriously, they have the storefront variety for simple stuff and the office with the more experienced people, usually nearby.

Posted by: Grace on April 7, 2005 03:00 PM

Now let's just drop them pants, boy.

Posted by: Deliverance on April 7, 2005 03:12 PM

Rob, you attract some real losers, don'tcha?

Posted by: Alaska Kim on April 7, 2005 03:18 PM

If H&R doesn't appeal, there are a bunch of on-line sites that will allow you to enter all your info and calc your taxes for you. The IRS web-site( has a shitload of links for the purpose. It's how I did my taxes this year. Mine are apparently much simpler than yours, however.

Good luck.


Posted by: Russ on April 7, 2005 03:35 PM

A-man, Don't do the H & R blockhead thing dude...Go to a me on this one!

My Wife is a professional CPA and they run circles around the H & R Blockheads. Don't buy into their bullshit Tee-Vee ads.

Never underestimate the value of a CPA!

Posted by: The Wizard on April 7, 2005 04:17 PM

Pay the extra scratch and go to a CPA as the Wiz above stated. H&R Block employs mostly temps to do its work.

Posted by: rightisright on April 7, 2005 06:15 PM

HRB charges by the page. It would be cheaper to go to a CPA, unless you feel adventurous enough to try turbotax.

Posted by: oregano on April 7, 2005 06:49 PM

I think I'm going to get turbo-reamed. Got any medicine for THAT?

Posted by: Acidman on April 7, 2005 09:11 PM

Rob, Should you wish to know a good CPA nearby where you live, My CPA wife may be able to direct you to a good one.

There are also many resources on-line but for the possible complexity of your return what with the early retirement etc.

She advises staying away from the on-line crap.

Worse case senario, you file an extension this year and get yourself the extra time to have your return evaulated properly by a pro. If you desire any guidence and/or direction as a CPA near you do not hesitate to contact me directly via e-mail.

Posted by: The Wizard on April 7, 2005 09:19 PM

You need better advice than H&RB. The CPA might cost you $100 more than the BlockHeads, but he/she will likely save you AT LEAST that. The other major benefit is the advice you will get to plan for next year.
My ex-husband gets 1/2 my salary in alimony. -- StupidMotherFucker. See that? You should have married ME, Guys! Anyway, the CPA was great for future planning for me
Good luck!

Posted by: Tulip on April 7, 2005 09:47 PM

Holy shit man...go to someone who, at least, has a office with a door...that you can close.

Posted by: Yabu on April 7, 2005 09:57 PM

If you have anything at all to work with, such as a small business, then go to a CPA. If your stuff is cut-and-dried like W-2s and 1099s which can only go one place, then it doesn't matter--except that H&R isn't as cheap as you think and many of their offices close after April. I can tell you this. I don't cost clients whose taxes I prepare. I more than pay for myself with strategies most people don't think about. Find a good local CPA , one who does it himself rather than passing it off to a clerk, and you'll get more attention and someone to advise you all year.

Posted by: Woody on April 7, 2005 10:18 PM

While I bleed with you in content, you just made me laugh hoots and hollers on this. You a funny man.

Posted by: Kim on April 7, 2005 10:20 PM

My shit is all cut and dried. W-2s and 1099s I just can't firgure out how to file that shit myself, at least without fucking it up.

It shouldn't be complicated, but it certainly looks that way to me. The US Tax Code needs to be dragged off and shot.

Posted by: Acidman on April 8, 2005 12:45 AM

I have a tube of vaseline we can both share, lol.

Tax time is getting seriously fucked while watching everyone else get the reach around.

Posted by: Cythen on April 8, 2005 04:00 AM

Every year (about the end of February) I take all my receipts, bank statements, and other miscellaneous important looking financial shit and dump it onto my accountants desk. I sit back and file my nails while he taps away at his keyboard....then I hear the whirring of his printer, he informs me my electronic return has been accepted and take my plastic grocery bag full of papers and receipts and hit the road....I would contemplate do it yourself brain surgery way before I would contemplate doing my own taxes....

Posted by: Ruth on April 8, 2005 07:41 AM

More important than the company is the actual preparer. Whether Block or a CPA is better depends on the HRB office, (especially the preparer) and the CPA. I worked for HRB for three years, and we had some really good people there (as well as a few I wouldn't turn lose on someone with just a single W-2, and nothing else).

You want one of the full time people, (preferably who's been there for at least 10 years), and one who specializes in that sort of stuff. HRB does cost less than a CPA, and I have seen us refile for people and get them a lot more back than the CPA did. Of course I've had to do some 1040-Xs for people who'd been to HRB the year before too....

Posted by: LibraryGryffon on April 8, 2005 11:33 AM
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