Gut Rumbles
 

April 06, 2005

just a couple of questions

* When the ban on "assault weapons" expired, did we see an outbreak of violence from assault weapons? No? You don't suppose that the law was nothing but a useless bag of shit, do you?

* If I go into a liquor store and buy a half-gallon of bourbon, is the liquor store owner responsible if I drink half the bottle and then go shoot somebody? If not, then why is the gun manufacturer responsible?

* Why is it that so many drivers don't understand the use of turn signals? I almost ran into somebody's dumb ass today because they stopped dead in the road at an intersection, THEN turned on their left turn signal, and made that turn as if their tires were butterflies with sore feet. I wanted to kill that silly motherfucker.

* Why do some people drive like total idiots? I took Highway 17 back home from the Catfish Mansion today (and Nancy is pissed at me because I didn't jump nekkid onto the hot tub) and I watched some dipstick pretending to be in a goddam NASCAR race. He weaved in and out of traffic, passed on blind curves, sped like a maniac and risked a lot of lives on the road. I wanted to kill THAT silly motherfucker, too--- especially after watching 20 miles worth of this shit and ending up stopped right next to him at a traffic light in Midway. Dumb bastard. The only thing he accomplished with all his idiocy was to get to that traffic light 90 seconds before I did.

* I don't think it should be illegal to piss on the side of the road. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

* What the hell is the REAL purpose of a 4-way stop sign?

* I don't believe in LOVE at first sight, but I sure felt lust at first sight today. If that sweet thang ever gets tired of clerking in that mini-mart, she can come live with me.

* Nancy was planting flowers when I was at the Catfish Mansion today. She was covered in dirt and reminded me of my mama when mama played in her garden. I told her that I knew a flower that she would really like and my mind went totally blank when I tried to remember the name. That almost drove me crazy. I told her that I would look it up when I got home and tell her the flower I was thinking about. I wasn't three miles from the house when I remembered---LANTANAS! I almost turned around and drove back. Instead, I kept driving and emailed her a link to a site all about those flowers.

* Do you ever have that happen? You KNOW the name and you can PICTURE the flower in your mind, but you can't remember the name? Sucks, don't it?

* Do you ever give money to a pan-handler just because you're in a good mood?

* Do you sleep nekkid?

Just a couple of innocent questions.

Comments

90 second is the difference between Tony Stwart and Kyle Petty, generally. :)

Those NASCAR wannabes on Abercorn drive me insane. I try to go out only at around 6:00 a.m., when I figure the drunks have passed out, the pervs are downloading illegal porn, and the ham and eggers are just waking up for the day.

Posted by: Renee on April 6, 2005 08:23 PM

She was not mad, see just wanted to see that weird dick.

Posted by: catfish on April 6, 2005 08:38 PM

It's stupid to think that by making anything illegal that "criminals" will have a 2nd thought about aquiring one (illegally) and using it (illegally). They'll probably outlaw baseball bats next. I drive fast, but I don't drive wreckless, people who take crazy chances and cut people off make me feel in "fear for my life"....It's legal to shoot them, right? Nekkid? Oh yeah...took a nap at work the other day and everybody got all freaked out.

Posted by: DONGER on April 6, 2005 08:54 PM

the purpose of 4-way stops is to confuse the hell out of everybody and give everybody a reason to get pissed off at other drivers... you know the ones... the drivers who don't wait their turn

Posted by: oregano on April 6, 2005 10:08 PM

I limit my response to 4-way stop-signs . . .

Nothing more perfectly exemplifies the idiocy of Americans allowing any politician, at any level of government, to tell us a single thing.

4 Way stops are just as stupid as unconstitutional wars, fictionalized economies a la Alan Greenspan, corporations that use government cash to cash in, and formerly independent Southerners who swoon in adoration of politicos and grant them their every wish.

Gramsci would have let you keep your guns, he would have just outlawed your pulling the trigger.

He figured you wouldn't get it.

You don't.

Posted by: jb on April 6, 2005 10:52 PM

I guess the fat wad of C-notes I have in my wallet is only due to my fictionalized imagination.


"Whir-whir-whir-whir-whir"


GOTTA RUN!!!!! THOSE DAMNED BLACK HELICOPTERS ARE CIRCLING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: rightisright on April 6, 2005 11:14 PM

I always sleep nekkid.

Words often escape me.

And only extremely rarely do I give money to a pan-handler. They gotta have a good act. (And not the same one that is being used by someone else down the road!)

Posted by: Dogsdontpurr on April 6, 2005 11:28 PM

AWB: Making sure the government has a significantly more effective means of putting down any attempted secessions in the future. I can understand not allowing civilians to own M203 Grenade Launchers, but they DO have a right to the M4s and M16s that you'd mount one on.

Posted by: JG22 on April 7, 2005 01:21 AM

Why is it that so many drivers don't understand the use of turn signals?

My theory is, they figure they don't have to bother with them if no one's around, so they don't bother with them even in heavy traffic.

Think about it. If you get yourself into the habit of doing right even when no one's around, you'll always do right regardless. You won't ever have to think about it. You come to where you know you're going to turn, or you're about to change lanes, your hand goes automatically to that turn signal lever. Even at three a.m. on a deserted two-lane.

You ever get the chance to teach a teenager to drive, you drum that into him -- no matter what, always use turn signals, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Of course, better still you should teach him that in all things: always do right, even when nobody's looking, then you won't ever have to worry about fucking up in front of witnesses. The turn signal thing will follow naturally.

Posted by: McGehee on April 7, 2005 11:01 AM

Your dilemma remembering the flower's name is a demonstration that concepts reflect aspects of reality and precede the words for them. This is why we can spin. While reality is what it is, our code for discussing it is slippery.

Posted by: Brett on April 7, 2005 11:13 AM

I sleep nekkid. Doesn't everyone?

Posted by: Ed on April 7, 2005 11:57 AM

"When the ban on "assault weapons" expired, did we see an outbreak of violence from assault weapons? No? You don't suppose that the law was nothing but a useless bag of shit, do you?"

Hate to quibble, but a bag of shit has its uses (e.g., fertilizer). So, given a choice, I'd go with the bag of shit over the assault-weapon ban...

Posted by: Tom on April 7, 2005 01:31 PM

* Do you ever give money to a pan-handler just because you're in a good mood?
Street performers, yes. Bums, no.

* Do you sleep nekkid?
I used to until the night my house burned down. The 60 seconds it took me to get dressed and grab my kid were the longest EVER, with the wall and ceiling caving in around us. I've become a paranoid pajama wearer LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on April 7, 2005 03:32 PM

* Do you ever give money to a pan-handler just because you're in a good mood?
* Do you sleep nekkid?

I only give money to panhandlers if they're sleeping nekkid.

Posted by: Dave S. on April 7, 2005 03:56 PM

"Why is it that so many drivers don't understand the use of turn signals?
Hell, everyone knows that the turn signals make the car turn! If you turn one on BEFORE the intersection, the car will veer into the median well before the light! If you don't turn one on, you'll go straight through the intersection and end up in France!

Posted by: Horrabin's Mistakes on April 7, 2005 08:50 PM

there's an old saying in my small town "nobody uses turn signals because everyone knows where they are going anyway" and its true.
I admit I'm guilty of not always using them.
But I do sleep naked so am I excused?

Posted by: livey on April 7, 2005 09:29 PM
Post a comment














*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.