Gut Rumbles

April 05, 2005

a good body

Five years ago, Jennifer and I went to a pool party with a bunch of friends. Sometime around evening, I sat down with her and asked. "Look around. Most of these guys are my age or younger. I don't look too bad for a guy pushing 50 years old." I was still pretty buff back then. She agreed and we went home to make love like wild dogs that night.

I look in the mirror now and wonder who is that old fart staring back at me. The prostate cancer fucked me up badly and other things came along to increase my Give A Shit concept. I lost a lot of weight and I don't appear to be very healthy anymore. People who have known me for a long time look at me today and ask, "Rob, are you feeling all right?"

NO, GODDAMIT! I AIN'T feeling all right. I KNOW that I look like Fido's ass now compared to the way I once was a short time ago. Don't remind me of that shit and don't try to give me good advice, beause I don't want it.

I am yet to talk to a single person filled with advice who has been through what I have in the past four years. MAYBE if I meet one of those who can tell me that prostate cancer is no big deal, and being impotent for 19 months while the love of your life was fucking around like a bitch in heat doesn't matter, and MAYBE if you can tell me how divorce court is no big deal, no matter how much money it costs you, and MAYBE if you can convince me to "get over it" because I can't see my son anymore, thanks to a fucked up Georgia law and an even MORE fucked up lawyer I hired, I may think you make a lick of sense.

But in the meantime... do me a favor and shut the fuck up.


Mmm.....yer still really witty....How 'bout them Braves?

Posted by: DONGER on April 5, 2005 06:58 PM

Rob, I feel you. I'm not trying to advise in any way, shape, or form...but I feel you. My body has totally betrayed me in the last five years, too. Fucking falling apart. I feel like shit most of the time...but I get pissed when people ask me if I'm feeling okay. No, goddmit, I'm not feeling okay, but I still have to be here, so quit reminding me that I used to be a supple flower.

Hell, I used to be even-tempered, too...

Posted by: Queenie on April 5, 2005 07:55 PM

It seems so trite, but it is so true, that no one really understands what you are going through until they go through it themselves. That's why younger people seem to know it all and have no understanding while older people, who have been through a lot more, have much more compassion. From a guy who has been through things other people who haven't, I understand much of what you're saying, and for the part that I haven't experienced, you have my compassion. I just try to let the comments of others roll off my back, but I have to admit that some of them still hurt.

Posted by: Woody on April 5, 2005 08:17 PM

50 plus and feeling looking every hard ridden day of it, illness problems for last 15 years, divorced 14 years ago from an Ex who was not only vexatious mean and vilely malicious, but was also a police officer and used it, and most other Officers actively participated. 13 criminal charges, some 45-60 court appearances because I refused to plead guilty and they were reapeatedly continued so they could try and get me to plead guilty next time. However I won every single one of them even though I was forced to act as my own attorney. Bottom line is that old age and experience will outdo youth and enthusiasm every time. I now use my knowledge to assist others and work towards a better future for my children. And you and your blog are a part of that........Thank you!
And just incase you did'nt know I am a man dispite my nik.

Posted by: witch on April 5, 2005 10:08 PM

I thought I fired that damn lawyer. Where's the firestorm in heels you were supposed to have hired?

Posted by: Key on April 5, 2005 11:09 PM

Damn Rob, that was a rant! I really want to know something. Do you still wank? I'm getting a little older and find if I wank as much as I did in my twenties, it doesn't work so well when I really got to use it. I tried giving up wanking and I tried giving up drinking. That doesn't work so well. I'm always thirsty with a raging hardon.

Posted by: Ed on April 6, 2005 08:42 AM

Ed, I have a bionic dick now. I can create a hard-on at the push of a button. (actually, it's a couple of squeezes on the pump, but the results are the same)

I still miss my original equipment.

Posted by: Acidman on April 6, 2005 04:17 PM

Haven't been through all the same stuff, have had some of it. You already know the answer, guy; you bitch and scream and stomp, and then you choose. Only two options are give up or keep on.

I know you're not the type to just give up, I also know you've been beat on with a big 'ol hammer. I'm not gonna give you advise, guy. Just say that, just a little bit, I know the feeling.

And I WON'T tell you to get over it. If my ex had kept my kids away from me the way yours has, I have no damn idea what I'd have done.

Posted by: Mark on April 6, 2005 07:26 PM
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