Gut Rumbles

April 05, 2005

stinging nettles

If my goddam camera was working, I'd take a few pictures of those fuckers in my yard. I searched Google, but all I could find was this shit, which is a west coast mutant nothing like what I see in southeast Georgia.

What we have here resembles a dandilion, with spikes all over it. They grow all over the place in sandy soil and they have a root that goes damn near a foot into the ground. And you better wear good, thick gloves if you every try to pull them up.

Step on or brush against one of those plants and you immediately experience the worst itch you ever had in your life. If you scratch it, it only gets worse and produces a red rash with little white blisters in it. I know that this is gonna sound nasty, but the only way I've ever found to counteract that sting is to piss on it, then dig up some wet dirt and pack it on the wound like a poultice. You'll be okay in about 15 minutes.

Some people down South call it "The Seven Year Itch," but I always called it a stinging nettle, and I've seen it drive a dog crazy before. I've got those fuckers all over my yard, expecially in my flower beds.

I don't like them and I intend to kill them all.


I find that a can of WD-40 and a zippo is quite apt at taming nature's practical jokes.

Or, more to the point: Kill it with fire.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on April 5, 2005 11:10 AM

Was it this stuff (smilax vines):

I spent all weekend pulling that crap off my fences and am still feeling the stings.

Posted by: Jaime on April 5, 2005 11:14 AM

We have that shit up here in the north, too; just not quite as thick! It'll make you itch so bad your great grandkids will feel it!

Posted by: Michele on April 5, 2005 11:16 AM

No dude, not smilax vines. This plant has thorns on the edges of its leaves, big thick leaves. Nasty.

Posted by: DONGER on April 5, 2005 11:41 AM

The ones in the Northwest you can eat after boiling - without changing the water. I don't reccommend applying Roundup to try to kill them to save the horses in the corral, though. I don't like horses that much. [The needles here are not damaging in themselves.]

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on April 5, 2005 12:30 PM

I recall stinging nettles from my youth. I hated those things. I have only heard of pissing on the sting of a jellyfish, but whatever works...

Posted by: Florida Bill on April 5, 2005 12:52 PM

Yep we got them fuckers here too. Try rubbing the wound with Jewel weed. It always grows close by.

Beer helps also. Drink several and you won't care about the itch.

Posted by: hoosierboy on April 5, 2005 02:25 PM

Sounds like you have a patch of Rosie O'Donnell pubes sproutin' up in yer yard.

Posted by: rimfirejones on April 5, 2005 03:41 PM

What you have in your yard is probably spurge nettle, also called tread softly. Go to nettle, it'll show you a picture and give you a description. Hang in there, buddy.

Posted by: gerbil on April 5, 2005 06:39 PM

We used to have thick stands of that stuff growing in the lowlands of my parent's place when I was growing up. "Itchweed" is what we would call it.

If you mow it down regularly, it eventually gives up the ghost. That's how I got rid of it.

There are some crazy sorts that suggest you can cure backache and arthritis by brushing that stuff on the afflicted area. I'm convinced that it is just driving one nail out with another. Or maybe the rush of endorphins released in response to the sting is what gives relief from the other pains.

Posted by: Desert Cat on April 6, 2005 02:01 AM

We have those stinging bastards here in Washington as well - it's a constant battle to keep them out of the wild fringes of my mother-in-law's property. Even with gloves, long sleeves, jeans, etc - the dang needles will come right through sometimes!

Posted by: Barb on April 12, 2005 10:59 AM

yeah yeah yeah ,,,you all got a cute little story about the plant ,anyone have any usefull info on how to kill the dam thing...let me know

Posted by: rudedog on April 19, 2005 03:45 PM

The nettle plant is different than the one "acidman" is talking about theres the dandelions with spikes all over it then theres nettles. witch i agree they both suck.

Posted by: justin on May 11, 2005 05:31 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.