Gut Rumbles

April 04, 2005

i heard footsteps

Someone was walking around in my house at about 3:30 this morning. I heard this person very clearly and I SWEAR that I heard the refrigerator door open and close, too.

I was sleeping nekkid, as usual, but I picked up my .380 from the nightstand and I racked a round into the chamber. I climbed quitely out of bed and, still, nekkid, went to discover what was in my house. I could see a light on in the direction of the kitchen. I figured that I knew the layout of the house better than any intruder would, and I didn't need any more light.

I really thought that I was about to shoot somebody.

I felt calm and grim about the idea. I had no sense of fear. I believed that if a thief had entered my house, he was about to find out that he should have picked somewhere else to invade.

But I didn't end up shooting anybody. I left the garage door open yesterday when I retrieved the battery charger and my gas can for my neighbor to cut his grass. That door leads to my kitchen. The wind was swaying the door back and forth and it made a noise just like stealthy footsteps. The light I saw was from the garage, which went out as soon as I closed the door.

I still checked the entire house, then sat on my sofa to smoke a cigarette. The .380 was heavy in my hand. I was relieved, but somehow disappointed. I was ready to shoot some sumbitch who had no business in my house. I was primed.

I unloaded the pistol, plugged the bullet from the chamber back into the magazine and went back to bed. Nothing to see here.

It damn sure excited me, though.


You mean you would have, had you owned any guns.

Posted by: Dave S. on April 4, 2005 03:13 PM

One question: Why wasn't there a round chambered to begin with?

Posted by: rightisright on April 4, 2005 03:28 PM

Sure it wasn't Mama checking on you...and no, that wasn't mean to be a joke.

Posted by: Maggie on April 4, 2005 04:46 PM

Reminds me of Francis on the movie "Stripes". 'Member him?...."All I know is I finally get to kill somebody." That's a funny assed movie I don't care who you are. Maybe next time man. Somebody's bound to cross you some time, right?

Posted by: DONGER on April 4, 2005 05:41 PM

It HAD to be a dream, A-man. Everybody knows you don't even OWN a .380!

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on April 4, 2005 07:23 PM

Just leave on in the chamber. That racking the slide stuff is for movies.

Posted by: JB on April 4, 2005 08:42 PM

I mean if you owned a gun....;-)

Posted by: JB on April 4, 2005 08:42 PM

You know..... I have a guy why I can hear plain as day run up the stairs from the basement, I hear him open the fridge for a few moments and then I hear him walk around the corner into my livingroom. Happens about twice a month.

I know exactly who it is because I heard him do those exact same things for 5 years in this exact same house. It's my brother who died in '90.

My grandmother comes by every few months as well. Just to check up.

Posted by: Symph on April 4, 2005 09:32 PM

Every bit of this story is a lie. I slept like a baby last night and I don't own a .380 pistol.

If I DID own a .380, however, I might keep it on my nightstand with a full six-shot mag in it, but the chamber empty. I don't trust the safeties on those things.

Posted by: Acidman on April 4, 2005 11:31 PM

Well, I got ALOT O' GUNS! I agree with you about leaving one out of the chamber if its in the house. 1-If you ain't got time to rack one...YOU DEAD. 2-The mere sound of "rackin' one in" is a great deterrent for someone who ain't got all their shit in one bag ready to kill you. 3- If they do sneak up on you and get yer gun...maybe they won't remember to rack one. Then you can get feminine on their ass and hit 'em with a rollin' pin or sumthin'. 4- When yer laid up drunk and yer fucked up breedin' sister in-law brings the brood to visit yer wife (sorry A-man, shuffle the characters as you see fit.) and one of the little fuckers goes snoopin' and finds your gun. He don't blow his little grape open on yer clean carpet....'course that's just me. (my priorities might be a bit off kilter but....fuck it their MINE.)

Posted by: DONGER on April 4, 2005 11:52 PM

It was me.

I'll be back.

Posted by: Squeaky the Cat on April 5, 2005 02:09 AM

Hmmm Naked bad guy hunting with the lights off and a .380. I thought you quit eating pizza.

Posted by: James Old Guy on April 5, 2005 09:21 AM

.380? Autoloader? Shame on you! Man, at least .44 Special, in a revolver!

Posted by: Justthisguy on April 5, 2005 11:46 AM

What's the deal with everybody wanting these "hand cannons" for home defence? You guys got lead lined walls or something? Murray said on "Shooting Bears" he defends his family with his new S&W That's just foolish, Unless you live in a Stone Castle. Nothing wrong with a .380, guarantee I'll fuck up a bad guy with one. 12 guage is boss for home defence though....PERIOD. A-man, long as you hit what you aim at, good to go. While everyone else is blind from the muzzle flash of their hand artillery and deaf from the ridiculous report indoors, you'll be pluggin a few more accuratly aimed hunks o' lead in the offending bastard.

Posted by: DONGER on April 5, 2005 12:26 PM
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