Gut Rumbles

April 04, 2005

he got me

I don't like door-to-door salesmen. They interrupt my placid day, piss me off and generally try the sell me something I don't want. I have been know to wave a gun at them to run them off.

But today, a fast-talking guy showed up selling an all-purpose cleaner that smells just like green apples and mixes 50-to-one in water. He sprayed some on my moss-stained front porch and all the moss went away. He sprayed some on my carpet and removed a stain that's been there for two years. He shined the bumper of my truck, cleaned the whitewalls on my tires and even demonstrated how this stuff removed stains from my sidewalk.

I was mightily impressed. I bought two bottles of that stuff, for the low, low discount price of $38.72, because I got the two-bottle special deal. I don't know if what he was using is what I bought, but for $38.72 I'm willing to take the risk. It really looks like good shit.

Yeah, I was the victim of a drive-by salesman today.

(UPDATE: The stuff I bought is called "Green Apple Advantage---the Wonder Cleaner!" Retail price for one bottle is $33 and I got two for $38.72. Plus the label says, "Green Apple Advantage liquid concentrate is non-toxic, phosphate-free, biodegradable, organically derived and environmentally friendly."

Now I'm pissed. I wanted something that said "WARNING!!! Wear rubber gloves and respirator when handling this stuff! It's bad shit and will kill you dead, plus anything else it comes in contact with!!"

Now I feel as if I bought some kind of pussy cleaner.)


How dreadfully exciting.

Posted by: DaveJ on April 4, 2005 12:48 PM

Green Apples huh, now you just have to find someone to clean that shithole up with that new cleaner you bought.

Posted by: James Old Guy on April 4, 2005 01:03 PM

I'd clean for ya any day of the week...but YOU have to buy the hazmat suit for me to do it LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on April 4, 2005 01:35 PM

Yeah, but you didn't take him into your KITCHEN, coward!

Posted by: Maggie on April 4, 2005 01:37 PM

Whitewalled tires? Now that's something I haven't seen in years. That would be awful goofy lookin' on my Dodge Ram.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on April 4, 2005 02:19 PM

I've bought shit from those dudes just because I felt sorry for them. What a suck fuckin' job to have to knock on doors and sell shit. I hate 'em but I feel sorry for the poor saps. They all wear bad shoes and drive bombs with no air conditioning. Ain't that why we have stores?

Posted by: DONGER on April 4, 2005 02:37 PM

One of my sons bought a $20.00 bottle of that cleaner for me over 10 years ago, and it is the best stuff I've ever had. He was only 14 at the time, had been mowing a few yards in the neighborhood, and when the young man knocked at the door and showed my son how good it worked, my son handed over his $20. I just groaned at first, thinking my boy was gullible and kind hearted, and that he'd been suckered in, but, the stuff did work great, and we finished the bottle just last month - it was
good judgment on my son's part, and I 've told him so, many times.

Posted by: Bonita on April 4, 2005 03:00 PM

So what's it called? I want some!

Posted by: Strider on April 4, 2005 05:54 PM

The product I bought cannot be bought in stores. It is through Northstar Marketing in Carson City, Nevada, and works great on Chrome, Exhaust Systems, Tires, Vinyl Seats, Fiberglass, Wood, Motors, Grills, Woodwork, Range Tops, Venetian Blinds, Carpets, Patio Furniture, Heel Marks, Carpets, Grease, White Sidewalls, etc. and is very easy on the hands and also is biodegradable. Spring cleaning awaits...

Posted by: Bonita on April 4, 2005 06:41 PM

Sounds like a product I used to buy from a young black guy that came to my door every Spring for several years. He had the most enjoyable line of bullshit of any human I've ever talked with or seen, on the stage or off. Not only that, the stuff he sold actually works. I haven't seen him for three years now, I hope he's happy and as rich as Croesus.

Hell, I'd buy the stuff just to hear his spiel. It used to make my day.


Posted by: Gerry on April 4, 2005 07:25 PM

And as to the pussy cleaner......they need to be cleaned with VERY gentle stuff, you know.


Posted by: MommaBear on April 4, 2005 09:15 PM

I bought products from these guys (Advantage WOnder Cleaner) and they told us they would hold our check for two weeks, since it was an unexpected expence, and they totally SCREWED up our account by depositing it two days later!!!! tHe guy that came to our house was later fired for being, As the President of the company told us, "a Thief and a Liar" and he couldn't do anything for us. This company is bad news!!!! If you research, you will find out that former sales people of theirs were, and or are in jail for crimes as small as stealing, to things like rape and assault!!!! They are smooth talkers, who should have had background checks done before they are allowed to come to unexpecting families doors!!!!

Posted by: Refinnej on November 8, 2007 04:22 PM

I bought the green apple today, that shit works great.... i cleaned the oil off of the bottom of my diesel engine with it in on wipe

Posted by: Frank on July 11, 2009 11:50 PM

I just bought some yesterday and spent the afternoon cleaning my siding, patio furniture and covers. the mold off the cement lawn statues. works great. smells good and lawn and pet friendly. also cleaned my shower stall. no scrubbing. used a sponge mop on walls and tub. clean as can be.

Posted by: rose cimarole on May 25, 2010 02:59 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.