Gut Rumbles

March 26, 2005

DUI, part two

I deserved the DUI that I received and I'm not going to make any excuses about it. I did not have any business driving my truck that night and the cops did both me and the world a favor when they threw me in the hoosegow and towed my truck. I was the fucking Poster Boy for what DUI laws are for.

But that's not what usually happens anymore. Thanks to MADD, GLADD, SADD and whatever other organization you can name, plus some corrupt politicians and police who recognized a gold mine when they saw it, a lot of DUI arrests are nothing more than revenue enhancement devices today.

I'm not going to mention any names, but I have THREE friends who were arrested and carted off to jail for having a bottle of wine or a couple of beers with a nice dinner. They were about as drunk as the Pope at the time. They were snagged either by a random road-block or one of those "scratch and sniff" searches cops do today if they see you driving after midnight.

All three pulled LESS than a .08 on a breathalyzer, but were arrested ANYWAY because the cop testified that they were "weaving" down the road. It was all pure bullshit, but that's what DUI laws have become today. Revenue enhancement. A good way to fuck with otherwise law-abiding citizens.

When I went to the MADD "Scare you to death" class, I spent four hours listening to people talk about drunk drivers going the wrong way down the interstate at 100 MPH, with a BAC of .4+, or some blasted asshole doing 70 MPH down a residential street with a BAC of .4+ when he ran over a child.

What I DID NOT hear were stories about how people took their wives or girlfriends out for dinner, had a bottle of wine with some steak and seafood, then ended up in jail that night WITHOUT having a wreck or killing anybody. I talked to a lot of people in that class and many of them had that story to tell. They weren't drunk. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They still had the full force of the law applied to them.

Shit. When I was arrested, I was pulled over for driving TOO SLOWLY! I think I was doing about 25 MPH in a 60 MPH zone. I couldn't see the fucking road. I couldn't find my ass with both hands. THAT'S the kind of person DUI laws should get off the road. I deserved what I got.

But I still remember the days when a cop would ask you, "Have you been drinking?" and if you replied, "Yes, but I'm not drunk," he would follow you home to make sure you got there safely. That happened to me several times back in my guitar-playing days.

But the Federal Government got involved, MADD got involved and what really is a secret temperance movement in this country got involved and changed all of that. The cops and the politicians discovered that thar was GOLD in them thar DUIs, and they jumped straight through their asses to show who was "tougher" on drunk drivers than anyone else.

In some states now, they'll confiscate your CAR if you pull a .08 on a breathalyzer. I have a dirty little secret I want to share with you--- .08 IS NOT DRUNK!!! At my weight, two beers in one hour, plus my peptic ulcer will make me blow that, and two beers in one hour DO NOT make me drunk. In fact, at a .08 BAC I probably drive better than most of the "sober" assholes I see on the road every day. At least I still remember how to use a turn signal and I'm not yakking on a cell phone.

None of that matters anymore. DUI is big business today.

I'm going to give you two pieces of free advice here that may come in handy some day, given the current political climate reguarding DUI-- #1: NEVER SUBMIT TO A "FIELD SOBRIETY TEST." Don't do it. Most people can't pass one when perfectly sober and you don't have a damn thing to gain from it. You cannot be compelled to take it, so don't. Blow the breathalyzer and if you don't like the results, ask for a blood test. In Georgia, the police MUST take you to a place of your choosing for the test. I recommend the Savannah Memorial Hospital Emergency Room, because you'll sit in there long enough before they get to you to sober up no matter how drunk you are.

#2-- Don't just take it lying down if you think you weren't drunk. Don't plead anything. Ask for a jury trial. That's your right. Two of my three friends got off scot-free by doing that. You might be surprised by the number of people who recognize bullshit when they see it. If more people did that, the cops might not be so trigger-happy with DUI arrests anymore.

As I said, I deserved mine. But a lot of people don't, and it's about time we stopped this bullshit.


Amen, brother.

With a post like that, you need to check out the NMA:

Lots of folks there agree with you.

Posted by: Grumpy Old Ham on March 26, 2005 09:52 AM

I live in a small town of about ten thousand...last year we had more DUI's than Chattanooga. Gold mine is right. And the lawyers and cops wonder why they're so unloved. Jerks.

Posted by: Bob in the hills on March 26, 2005 10:18 AM

You forgot DAMM (drunks against mad mothers)

Posted by: Robert on March 26, 2005 12:14 PM

The most vicious habit in America is the persecution of vice.

Posted by: Brett on March 26, 2005 12:29 PM

I've seen what the new DUI laws can do and it's ridiculous. I say that if they REALLY wanted drunk people NOT to drive, they wouldn't allow people to DRIVE to bars. Why are there parking lots outside bars? Why don't police patrol the bar parking lots and not let anyone drive out of them? But that would close the gold mine. They'd rather keep letting people drive after a few drinks - and then catch them and catch the money as it falls.

Posted by: suzeisnotfooledbyislam on March 26, 2005 12:40 PM

I got arrested while sleeping in my car, legally parked. I had not had anything to drink within 4 hours. The rest is not even yet history. I refused all the sobriety tests since I was not driving [no one even saw me drive, perfectly safely]], was going for a jury trial, then accepted a "diversion" on advice from my alleged lawyer.. It only gets worse from there, but I'm still going to beat their asses. The tide has actually truned. But it's never over. And I will become more of a "criminal", if that's what it takes.

Of course it never happens to The Morons, so it dosn't happen. Right.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on March 26, 2005 01:46 PM

The reason that trial by jury is a better idea is that the majority of jurors will be drinkers, and a good lawyer will have them thinking "there, but for the Grace of God, go I".

Spend the big bucks on the best DUI lawyer that can be found. The better ones do continuing education to keep up on new court techniques, precedent, etc. A really good defense in front of a jury will be at least $15,000, but it gets you out of there without the conviction, and with your insurance intact.

There are hidden costs to diversion. First, you have to pay for the diversion, unually $3,500 or more. Then, you have to agree to alcohol monitoring, a continuing expense. If your attitude isn't just right in diversion, they can make you take it again. By the time you're done, you will have spent almost as much as on a first-class DUI lawyer and a trial.

BTW, if you fucked up, and blew numbers higher than .10, then forget all the above, and just roll over and take whatever they offer, and save your $$$, which you will need for taxis.

Posted by: Rivrdog on March 26, 2005 05:52 PM

Checkpoints are the epitome of a fucking police state. No probable cause. No witnessing of an infraction. Nothing.

How this has been upheld by the courts is beyond me. Nanny state at it's finest.

Posted by: The Other Mike S on March 26, 2005 08:08 PM

I've driven home a time or six while likely well over the legal limit, such as it is, but still perfectly in control of my vehicle. The whole DUI problem boils down to people not knowing their limitations. I know at exactly what point it's unsafe to drive, and I never cross that line, but the degree to which doing so has been demonized today is just ridiculous.

The same can be said for speed limits. Once the government finds a cash cow, expect them to milk it for all it's worth.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on March 27, 2005 01:10 AM

I think I 've got the diversion classes under control. I've learned how to make meth there thanks to their movies, and made friends with a couple who had their parental rights taken away because they had a loud verbal fight in front of their kids. It's felony child abuse in Oregon, thanks to the domestic violence Morons. Now that's what I call an education. It's a real study to see what these helpful laws do to real people, and the gross stupidity and evil of the social workers.

Somehow we managed to see the same sexist movie on domestic violence twice [why at all when they then deny that alcohol is the major isolateable factor in dv?], and had a lecture by some female d-v anuswipe. The class gave this woman a real verbal lashing, which was satisfying to us [now] batterers, there for dui. I had a great time.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on March 27, 2005 01:40 AM

i got arrested in my driveway by a trooper who said he thought my tag was wasn't.i took the field sobrity test w/ sun directly in my eyes and failed.refused breath test and went to jail. trooper wrote tickets for bogus violations to make it appear he had probale cause.still pending

Posted by: david on November 16, 2009 08:23 PM
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