Gut Rumbles
 

March 22, 2005

on a dare

Here is a genuine pussy-blog, just for a few perverted people who dared me to do it.

All right, assholes--- you think I WON'T???

I have always been fascinated by a woman's pudenta. I've seen pussy in all shapes and sizes and they all ARE different--- some for the better and some for the worse. I never saw a damn one that I couldn't tolerate, but some are more beautiful than others.

Pop open a raw oyster and look at it sideways. Tell me that it don't look just like a pussy. Liar! IT DOES, with the same kind of lips on it as a labia. I eat raw oysters and I eat pussy, too. I am very good at both jobs because I enjoy my work.

I don't like a hairy thatch on a woman. Back in the days when I first started casting my net far and wide, very few wimmen shaved their privates. I've seen some bushes where a goddam lion could hide. I've seen wimmen with more body hair than I had. I didn't really like that crap.

But then they went in the opposite direction, and started shaving their pussies bald. I don't like that, either. When I am confronted with a bald-headed pussy, I feel like a goddam child-molester mounting that woman. Oh, I'll DO IT, of course, but that's not really sexy to me. I much prefer the Mohawk or the well-trimmed Van Dyke around the honey-hole.

I think a woman should smell like a woman. I like the rich, fecund and NATURAL smell of a woman's well-maintained snatch. I don't want it to smell like flowers of The Great Outdoors. Of course, I don't want it to smell like three-day-old tuna either. You can hit a happy medium there.

As far as appearances go, a nice pink set of lips is a real turn-on to me. One that doesn't lay there gapped open when you look at it. One that looks PRETTY and feminine, not like some ragged retread tire that an 18-wheeler threw off on the Interstate. One that doesn't look like a team of pile-drivers have been augering the BIG STUFF in there. One that doesn't resemble a vertical taco with the meat and cheese missing out of it.

I don't like the big, flexible hangy-down lips, either. I've seen a few of those and I always think that it is the result of trying to insert a box of rubber bands up there, and a few didn't stay in. Combine a hairy thatch with the hangy-down lips and an empty vertical taco and you've got an ugly pussy.

That's MY humble opinion on this matter.

Comments

Hey Rob - You need to hold an annual pussy judging contest. Solicit photos of pussy-only shots (no torso/face shots)....just pussys. Post the top 10 in your order of preference. Just a thought.....

Posted by: Vulgorilla on March 22, 2005 01:49 PM

I'm surprised this post has so few comments. I expected some womanly hate directed your way.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on March 22, 2005 02:21 PM

hate? don't think so. the guy has been paying attention, and he is accepting. and hey, i'm not claiming it's exactly a work of art down there.

plus, this: //One that looks PRETTY and feminine, not like some ragged retread tire that an 18-wheeler threw off on the Interstate.//

has got to be one of the funniest things i've ever read.

great post.

Posted by: not-troll beth on March 22, 2005 02:38 PM

hehe....omg i can't believe you wrote that....for the balls it took, im seriously considering emailing you a photo of my feline accoutrements for comment....

charmed

Posted by: charmed on March 22, 2005 03:08 PM

Rob shoots from the hip once more and makes my day!

Posted by: rimfirejones on March 22, 2005 03:48 PM

The only women who'd get pissed at this are the ones who can't handle the truth or have one of those fugly ones themselves.

Now...
bitch away, Ladies.
(I dare ya's... lmfao...)

Posted by: Stevie on March 22, 2005 04:14 PM

What can we say? We judge the male anatomy from six pack to six inch; we just rarely do so publicly.

Posted by: Key on March 22, 2005 04:33 PM

"bitch away, Ladies"??????
Hell, who wants to argue with the professor? Besides, I likes a man who's done his homework!

Posted by: Michele on March 22, 2005 04:34 PM

I'll pay you the highest compliment anyone can bestow-MAN, YOU JUST AIN'T RIGHT-That's the funniest damn thing I've ever read. I've got to clean the Diet Coke off my keyboard now.

Posted by: David Spence on March 22, 2005 04:37 PM

Coke.Spew.Monitor

A Vagina Monoblog. I love it.

Posted by: Tony on March 22, 2005 05:16 PM

The ones with the hanging down lips are also called pencil pussy, cause you can take two pencils and roll each lip on each pencil. Other than that, well said, Cat.

Posted by: catfish on March 22, 2005 05:21 PM

Dude you need to get laid!

Posted by: ken on March 22, 2005 06:05 PM

I knew a girl whose nickname was "Mud Flaps". It was well deserved.

Posted by: rightisright on March 22, 2005 06:07 PM

They are also called Bat wings.

Posted by: catfish on March 22, 2005 06:37 PM

Ken, I've BEEN laid, probably more than you have. (and if you're the Ken I THINK you are, I don't fall in love with every woman who ever gave me a piece of ass. You do.) What does that have to do with my observations about pussy? If I had a set of mud-flaps in the bed right now, I wouldn't write such shit?

Guess again, my friend.

Posted by: Acidman on March 22, 2005 06:38 PM

Well spoken, from a man that "enjoys his work". (hair or no hair)

Posted by: Wichi Dude on March 22, 2005 06:51 PM

I always thought they were called piss fenders.

Posted by: Dash on March 22, 2005 07:24 PM

I once fucked an older lady, her pussy was dried up like a prune, it could not get wet, did not have a great smell and she also had a pair of hanging tits. She was so old, she could not come, so she farted to show me how greatful she was, Cat

Posted by: catfish on March 22, 2005 08:38 PM

OMG, absolutely prose. One might say, "Yummy."

Posted by: McDadbear on March 22, 2005 09:37 PM

Well, I have no point of reference so I'll have to imagine. And no, I was not the one aluded to by Catfish. I don't fart in bed, gratitude or not.

Now, as cocks go, well that's another story. I probably feel as strongly about Penis Preferences as you do Pussy. Seems it maybe time to fire up that private blog again to put that up. I may have to do that.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on March 23, 2005 09:35 AM

So now it's time fora clit post???

Posted by: Sticky B on March 24, 2005 10:47 AM
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