Gut Rumbles

March 21, 2005

i take umbrage!

This guy may know how to cook, but he doesn't know shit about booze. Sour mash whiskey and bourbon are NOT the same thing, and as a Kentucky boy, you should know that, Steve. My off-the-shelf beverage of choice is Jim Beam. If I want to spend serious money on some serious sippin' BOURBON, I buy Booker's Best.

I would rather drink cat-piss than ANY kind of Scotch. That shit tastes like a weak bourbon and water with a couple of cigarette butts floating around in it. It pure-ass sucks to my palate. I might paint my face blue and attack the English gits along with you, but I ain't gonna drink that swamp-water to celebrate our victory. Give me bourbon.

Our even better, a nice, robust beer. An ale, dark and only slightly frothy. One that appears almost angry when you look through the glass, because it's not double-filtered and made to taste like bottled water. Something with about 5-7% alcohol in it. A REAL beer.

I still remember Recondo 32 giving me a lecture about beer while I was drinking a Bass ale and he was sucking on a Michelob Lite. "Smith, you just gotta be the yuppie, don't you? Why don't you drink a REAL BEER for a change? HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH?" I could not take that conversation seriously. Michelob Lite is to beer the way dogshit is to gravy. Anybody who drinks that shit has no business lecturing ANYBODY about beer, because if they'll drink that possum-piss, they'll drink anything liquid. Pompous ass.

And I ain't no fucking yuppie. I simply have lived long enough to appreciate the finer things in life, such as really GOOD small-batch bourbon. And good beer.


Dude, you are a riot. No shit. You absolutely slay me. I swear you'd pick a fight with a brick wall. Funny shit, no doubt. And I agree. You bet your ass there is a difference in sour mash whiskey and Kentucky Bourbon. I prefer small run bourbon as well.

Posted by: bitterman on March 21, 2005 12:55 PM

I once toured Stoudt's Brewing Company in Adamstown, PA and at the end of the tour, when we were allowed to sample some of the brews, a woman asked for a lite beer. The tour guide (Mr. Stoudt) filled the woman's glass half full and told her if she wanted a lite beer she could go into the head and fill the rest of the glass with toilet water.

Posted by: Kevin on March 21, 2005 01:21 PM

I got some Georgia shine, that might not taste as good of some of the store liquor, but my shit, will get you drunk as a piss ant. And cheap too. Cat.

Posted by: catfish on March 21, 2005 01:39 PM

I am beginning to think he is not much of a cook and probably a piss poor lawyer to boot.

Posted by: James Old Guy on March 21, 2005 01:55 PM

I agree about Bourbon. I like mine from Nelson County. Beer? Ain't really much made here in the USA that rates the name. And no, I'm not some yuppie. I'm a grizzled old fart who happens to know what beer tastes like.

Posted by: Dennis on March 21, 2005 01:57 PM

That's why I read your blog everyday. Jim Beam has always been good to me. Especially when you sip it with Sundrop. Mountain Dew will work in a pinch, but it's just not the same.

Posted by: Holytara on March 21, 2005 02:26 PM

Steve is way off base-I think too much 'cue has messed with his taste buds. There has nvever been a nectar as sweet as Maker's Mark. I sip it every single night and savor that smoky whiskey rolling around in my mouth.

Posted by: David Spence on March 21, 2005 02:34 PM

Stolen from Monty Python:

Q: Why is Michelob Light like making love in a canoe?
A: Because it's f**king close to water.

On scotch, though...

Posted by: Scott Crawford on March 21, 2005 02:36 PM

Beam is mighty fine if you're blending it, even with water. I like Knobb Creek for sipping purposes, though. 18 year old Wild Turkey's kind of nice, too.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on March 21, 2005 04:49 PM

... I love Scotch in all variations.. bourbon is too sweet...

Posted by: Eric on March 21, 2005 05:07 PM

Not much of a bourbon fan myself, although I have a bottle or two of Booker's rolling around somewhere.

If you dislike scotch, you haven't had any good scotch. Try some Highland Park 25, or some Macallan 18. If you don't like those two, you probably drink unsweetened iced tea.

Oh, and anytime someone drinking lite beer accuses you of being a yuppie for drinking Bass of all things, guzzle it down and break the bottle over their head. I mean come on now. That's like being offered Guinness and asking for "something darker".

Posted by: Mr. Lion on March 21, 2005 05:15 PM

Sorry to read your comments re: Scotch. As for myself, there are many Scotch whiskys I enjoy, as well as a few Irish whiskies, and many bourbons too, which I found through my learning about and tasting of many different whiskies.

For me, Wild Turkey is a nice "everyday" type of bourbon, and the Rare Breed is even more desireable. But here's a tip for you; If you see a bottle of George T. Stagg, do NOT pass GO, but rather, snag that bottle and run like ya stole it *after paying for it, of course!*

Stagg is a VERY limited batch of barrel strength bourbon, with the proof varying year to year. I was able to get one for myself this year, at 127 proof. The previous bottling was done at 144 proof, and it was mighty tasty!

Also, Bulliet Bourbon is quite nice. Just don't condemn ALL Scotch whisky out of hand, m'kay?

Posted by: KenS on March 21, 2005 05:29 PM

Bourbon? Ahhhh.

Scotch? Ahhhh. A different ahhhh, but ahhhh nonetheless.

Real honest-to-Gawd beer or ale? Ahhhhh.

Crap - now I'm thirsty.

Posted by: Elisson on March 21, 2005 08:01 PM

Stay dark with yer wiskey an yer wimmen an yu'll not go far wrong.

Posted by: Colorado Joe on March 21, 2005 08:04 PM

"I swear you'd pick a fight with a brick wall."

Geez, now even the comments need a spew alert!

Posted by: Grumpy Old Ham on March 22, 2005 12:04 AM

McEwan's Scotch Ale sounds about right for you, Rob......MB enjoys hers every afternoon !!

Posted by: MommaBear on March 22, 2005 03:05 PM

Add me to the folks who enjoy both fine single malt Scotches (no blends for me!) and fine small batch Bourbons. Glenmorangie and Talisker on the Scotch side, Booker's and Basil Hayden's for bourbons.

Posted by: djvaselaar on March 25, 2005 12:44 AM
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