Gut Rumbles

March 04, 2005

i can believe it

Here's a story about a celebrity asshole. I woulda lost my job that day, but I would have laid a shovel upside that fucker's head and then kicked him in the nuts for good measure.

I have a cousin in Dayton, Ohio who was a tremendous Cincinatti Reds fan. (Johnny Mays was also "Mr. Basketball" for the WHOLE FUCKING STATE when he was 15 years old.) He was playing golf one day when he saw Pete Rose and Johnny Bench on a hole next to the one he was playing. He hopped out of the cart and ran over to them with his scorecard.

"Mr. Rose? Could I please have your autograph?"

Pete Rose snatched the scorecard out of my cousin's hand, threw it on the ground and spit on it. "Get the fuck outta here, kid," he said. "If you want MY autograph, you'll pay for it." My cousin was heartbroken because he thought Pete Rose was the best baseball player who ever lived.

Johnny Bench picked up the scorecard, wiped the spit off of it with a golf towel and told my cousin, "I'm not Pete Rose, but I'll sign your scorecard if you want me to." And he did.

To this day, my cousin despises Pete Rose and loves Johnny Bench. He still has that scorecard, too.

What makes some celebrities act like colossal assholes to a 15 year-old fan? Did celebrity do that to them, or were they just pure assholes to begin with? I vote for the pure assholes to begin with theory, because I've met Arnold Palmer and I have HIS autograph. He signed my hat, and I was one of many people who aggravated him that day at the practice round of The Masters.

But he signed autographs until the sun went down. And he was a gentleman the entire time. What's so difficult about doing that?

I dunno. Ask Pete Rose, that shitass.


SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!!!! Say It Ain't So!!!!!!!!

say it ain't so..........................................

Posted by: DavidB on March 4, 2005 08:10 PM

May God Bless your Mama.

Posted by: DavidB on March 4, 2005 08:32 PM

Take an undereducated, overpaid nitwit, add several years of celebrity, and wait. Complete idiocy and self-importance is all but inevitable.

See also: Hollyweird.

The only people in such positions of fame who aren't pricks are those who had to work for it, and claw their way up the ladder. Those who were "discovered" by some bonehead who dropped a check in their lap are most always assholes.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on March 4, 2005 08:54 PM

I lived in Orlando for a few years when I was younger on a golf course Mr Palmer owned. He was a stand up guy that was unimpressed by his own stature. The only one better than him was his wife. She would let me fish on their back lawn into the lake marina and come ask how they were biting. Great people.

Posted by: Tom S on March 4, 2005 09:04 PM

I used to think Rose was getting screwed by the Baseball powers to be. Now I'm glad poor old Pete will never be in the Baseball Hall of Fame...Screw him!!!

Both Rose and Kenny Rogers deserve that kick in the nuts you were talking about...

Rob, you need an official NUT KICKER on your cabinet...or is Eric (SWG) already assigned that task?

Posted by: JimA on March 4, 2005 09:49 PM

No, Eric is in charge of the Chicken-Dance Choke-Hold, but I don't have a designated nut-kicker yet.

Eric can multi-task, so I'm sure that he could handle nut-kicking, too, but I want a LARGE, complicated bureauracy. I don't want to be responsible for ANYTHING!!!

Posted by: Acidman on March 4, 2005 09:57 PM

Back in the seventies or early eighties I was working in a small shipyard in Seattle. John Wayne brought his yacht "Wild Goose" in for some maintainace and minor repairs. I had to tear his stateroom apart to get to a water feed line that was leaking and in doing so I found an old fishing cap, it was dirty, crumpled and sweat soaked. I put it on top of the dresser and finished my job. As I was putting the bed back together, Mr. Wayne came in to see how things were going. He saw that rusty, moldy old hat and his eyes lit up. He asked where in Hell I found it, he'd been looking for it for two years. He shook my hand and thanked me about three times. It was like seeing a kid with a new toy.

He brought his boat in about three more times before he died and always looked me up to say hi, and BS for a few minutes. Class act.


Posted by: Gerry on March 4, 2005 10:36 PM

Acidman (Tyrone)....I'll email my resume....

Posted by: JimA on March 4, 2005 10:50 PM

I would like to apply for a position in the administration. Not the cabinet, necessarily, since I'm a newbie. But, something along the lines of Caustic Restoration Exchequeress.

Posted by: Kim on March 5, 2005 12:11 AM

Ah, the same Pete Rose?.....

Well, some people are for greatness and some aren't.

Also some had class.

Well never met Rose, but he never struck me as someone with class.

Justy saying...

Posted by: Gina on March 5, 2005 12:17 AM

well I just wish I coulda come up with this one, but I'd be a liar if I said it was mine.... "You can't hide class, nor the lack of it" Everyone at some time pisses another fella off, but to do it on purpose is way beyond me.

Posted by: johndeerebilly on March 5, 2005 07:26 AM

I "met" Pete Rose twice, the first time was in 1980 right after the Phillies won the World Series against George Brett and the KC Royals. It was a charity thing my mother was helping out with and he, actually, the whole team were so nice it was sick. I was 10, but I got a baseball signed by every member of that team, they let me ride with them in their shuttle van to the event, I sat between Tug McGraw and Steve Carlton, how cool was that? But Pete Rose was the guy who got me the baseball, he thought it was weird I didn't have one for them to sign. I thought that was really cool.

Jump ahead 20 some years, and I'm in the Cincy airport in Kentucky at the Delta lost luggage counter, guess who's in front of me? Totally different guy that day. In fact, as pissed as I was that they sent my luggage through to Louisville, when I finally got up to the counter all I could say was, "never mind". He eviscerated that poor girl, like her ass was flying the plane. Actually, it was a pretty impressive display. On his way out, he asked me, "They fuck you over too?" I nodded and that was that.

He was a lot shorter than I remembered.

Posted by: Terry on March 5, 2005 09:28 AM

The kid should have told Pete Rose that he bets a nickel that Rose coudn't sign the scorecard.

Posted by: Woody on March 5, 2005 09:30 AM

I was on the fence about Rose, not anymore. Thanks. When I was about 12 I saw Lew Alcindor play for the Bucks. I ran down on the court with a bunch of other kids and asked him to sigh my Bucks shirt. He said " I don't DO autographs". It was my first exposure to the clay feet of our superstars. The good ones are out there and we should support them to the teeth. You should have your readers post a list of the Stars and Pro's that go the extra mile.

Here is one Bobby Knight, asshole on the court, gentleman and generous away from the limelight.

Posted by: Billy Budd on March 5, 2005 11:08 AM

For Christ's sake! What makes anyone think any celebrity has an obligation to write his name on a golf scorecard or baseball or shirt or cap or anything else? Put yourself in their shoes and see how you'd like to be hounded every for an autograph every time you went out in public. And if you do it for one, you have to do it for everyone. If I had been Rose, I'd have pulled out my three iron and beaten that kid's skull into a gooey read and grey mess.

Posted by: CitadelGrad on March 5, 2005 01:30 PM

Without the fans, they don't make a gadzillion dollars every year. So, they should shit on the fans.

Great logic, asshole.

Posted by: Acidman on March 5, 2005 05:38 PM

Bullshit. If it weren't for idiotic "fans" buying into the hype of pro sports created by the media, NFL, MLB, NBA, etc. people might not feel the need to live vicariously through the accomplishments of others. This goes for other celebrities as well, particularly in the film, tv and music industries. Those people were lucky enough to have a great deal of talent or at least cleverly exploit what little talent they might have. That should not sentence them to a lifetime spent dealing with assholes who think they have nothing better to do than sign autographs for every dirtbag who gets his cheap jollies by cozying up to a celebrity.

Posted by: CitadelGrad on March 5, 2005 07:24 PM

My cousin was not a "dirtbag." He was 15 years old and saw his idol on the golf course and asked for an autograph. Pete Rose spit.

Who is the REAL "dirtbag" here?

Posted by: Acidman on March 6, 2005 10:27 AM

Also remember that no matter how sick you are of signing autographs, there are gracious and ungracious ways of responding to a starry-eyed youngster. A simple, "Sorry, kid. Not today." would still have disappointed your cousin, but without shattering his illusions.

Pete Rose didn't have to be an asshole that day. He chose to be.

Posted by: Steve Teeter on March 6, 2005 01:37 PM

When I was a kid my next door neighbor Eric and I devised a plan to get autographs. He would write letters to my favorite players telling them I was their biggest fan and dying of cancer.....and I would do the same for him. We didn't ask for autographs for ourselves, just our dying friend. Worked like a charm, George Blanda and Roman Gabriel must have sent me a dozen autographed photos each.

Posted by: Robert on March 6, 2005 10:32 PM

It's funny you should mention Arnie Palmer, I grew up in the town he lives in, met him a few times on professional business. At best, he's cold; but to many of the people that live around there he's a well-known ass. He was even a dick to the medics that showed up when his wife had to go to the hospital.

Different circumstances, different behaviour, I guess, but to me Palmer's always been a symbol of the asshole celebrity syndrome you're describing.

Posted by: francisthegreat on March 7, 2005 04:15 PM
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