Gut Rumbles

March 01, 2005

buying groceries

Do you shop for name brands, or just buy the cheapest shit you can find? I think that's a good question because I do a little of both. But my tastes are peculiar.

I smoke cigarettes and I buy Marlboro Menthol Light 100s. I'll settle for Dorals on occasion, but very rarely. I don't know why I prefer one cigarette over another because half the ones I light just burn up in the ashtray while I type. But I'll drive out of my way to buy a carton of Marlboros.

I like Bass Ale and Burnett's citrus-flavored vodka. Not TOGETHER, but separately. I can't think of a single "commercial" American beer that isn't anything but possum piss and when they make it "lite" on top of that, it's a waste of perfectly good kidneys to drink it. Now people are drinking "ultra-lite" beer because they're watching their carbs. My aching ass.

I buy Charmin Ultra toilet paper. I don't give a damn about a lot of things in life, but I like to wipe my ass with nice toilet paper. That stuff is good. I buy it by the bale and it lasts me a long time as long as I don't have a woman around. A damn woman will use half a roll of triple-thick, super-soft Charmin just to daub her pussy after an ultra-light beer piss. I don't understand that.

I like genuine Blue Plate mayonnaise. I won't buy anything else. And I LIKE mayonnaise.

Other than that, I pretty much go for whatever is on sale. I don't see a lot of difference between generic brands and top-o-the-line stuff when it comes to canned food, except for the price. Orida makes the best frozen french fries, but they aren't worth a dollar more than the Kroger brand for a bag. And I can't tell any difference between genuine Listerine and the "antiseptic mouth wash" that looks just like Listerine, TASTES just like Listerine and sells for $2.00 less for the same goddam bottle without the Listerine name on it.

My first wife SWORE that she could tell the difference between LeSeur canned green peas and anything else on the shelf. Maybe she could, but I couldn't. Canned green peas aren't exactly gourmet food. I ain't paying 25 cents more per can just so I can say we have LeSeur peas in the house.

Canned tuna? I like to eat it, but I can't tell Chicken o' the Sea from the generic store-brand. I buy whatever costs less. I like Hormel canned chili better than any other, but I'll buy Castlebury's, Dinty Moore or whatever store brand costs the least when I load my larder. After all--- it's only canned chili.

How do YOU shop? Do you have favorite name-brands, or do you just buy the cheap shit that'll pack your gut just as well for less money?

(UPDATE: I forgot one thing. I will not buy any other dill pickles than Claussins. That's the best fricking dill pickle in the world, hands down. Whether you like them whole, sliced, Kosher or any other way, they are the best! That's one piece of grocery shopping where I will not sacrifice quality for cost.)


Iím with you on this one, thereís a lot of shit Iíll buy on the fly if itís cheaper. But I wonít skimp on the bread, Iíve gone for the cheap house bread and itís always fucked up and dry. Beer all tastes the same to me but I can do a blind taste test on whisky and pull 4 out of 5 correctly. As for toilet paper I try to go for any plain white multi layer name brand thatís not too cheap. Nothing worse then getting scratches on your ass or having your fingers poke thru from using cheap paper.

Posted by: Greg on March 1, 2005 04:29 PM

There are a few name brand items that I have to buy due to Olivia's allergies. Not all items are manufactured the same way. It sucks when I see the generic stuff a lot cheaper but it's not worth the risk. Oh, and I *must* buy the double rolls of Cottonelle toilet paper. Nice and soft. Paul insists on soft tp. Heh.

Posted by: Kate on March 1, 2005 04:55 PM

I agree about the American beer and that's sad. The Brits are right when the say about American beer, "it's like making love in a canoe - fucking close to water."

I disagree on the chili. Hormel has done a great job of promoting their crap on TV, I love the ads, but Wolf man Brand chili is better if you gotta have the canned.

I made a pot of red Sunday night and ate it with cheese, and then last night put the leftovers on spaghetti for a delicious change of pace...

Gimme a growler of good microbrew lager and a steaming bowl of wolfman chili (and a roll of tums) and I'm set...

Posted by: Circa Bellum on March 1, 2005 05:12 PM

American beer has its place. To me, it is refreshing after a workout or mowing the lawn. I know it doesn't replenish essential fluids, blah blah blah.... But I enjoy a Bud or Mich once in a while.

Now with dinner, I would much rather have a good porter or stout.

As to other goods; my ex used to piss me off by insisting on getting Tylenol or Advil instead of the generic brands that cost 1/2 to 1/3 as much. I don't know how many times I said to her, "It's THE SAME FRIGGIN' SHIT ONLY CHEAPER!!!"

Posted by: rightisright on March 1, 2005 05:18 PM

I seldom have beer in the house, but if I order it out somewhere, Bass is one of my favorites.

I forgot to mention in my post that I tend to buy the good bread, and I only buy white, not light, tuna, after having been through a poor spell and gotten sick of both the cheap bread and especially the cheap tuna. I just try to get both on sale as cheap as possible. For instance, my bread I can get at BJ's $3.69 for two loaves, versus $2.59 for one normally in the supermarket.

I also have a brand preference for cheese, and cheese for me is a staple I buy no matter how broke I get. It winds up being almost a meat substitute.

Luckily I'm not that broke now.

Posted by: Jay on March 1, 2005 05:30 PM

1. Only Coors Light.
2. Charmin is too linty. Lint + moisture = Ick.
3. Miracle Whip, not mayonaise.
4. Only Pepsi and Coke products, nothing just called "Soda"

Posted by: Alaska Kim on March 1, 2005 05:37 PM

I like Ba-Tampte half sour pickles. And those unbelievably crappy Deep South dill pickles they used to sell in huge jars like the ones in movie theater lobbies.

Posted by: Steve H. on March 1, 2005 06:02 PM

For my husband and I, it's:

1. Charmin (hate hate hate cheap tp)
2. Microbrews like Anderson Valley or Anchor Steam, or Sierra Nevada, although we like Coors sometimes
3. Good bread, if I can't afford to buy it, I'll make it
4. Kraft mac n cheese
All I can think of at the moment.
Also, I agree about Claussens pickles.
And, Alaska Kim, Miracle Whip is plain nasty.

Posted by: Sami on March 1, 2005 06:09 PM

Miracle Whip is much better than mayo. Mayo tastes like rotten eggs in lard!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on March 1, 2005 06:22 PM

I, um, actually don't grocery shop much. I've been banned, since I'm the impulse buyer. Hub has been coupon king since pre-kids, so he buys what's onsale, with coupons and is asked to leave all the stores what with his coming home with more money than he took.

With that being said, I must have Excedrin, since I'm lapsed in smoking, Basic Menthol Ultra Lights, sauvignon blanc for wine and he drinks Miller Lite (I know! I know!), but we're both dieting so we're lightweights right now.
Grey Goose vodka, boulder bread from the bakery since bread is pretty much a no-no.
Real mayonnaise, real butter, real salad dressings.
We get generic antihistimines and sometimes he does buy the gulag sort of toilet paper which is gross.

Posted by: Kim on March 1, 2005 06:23 PM

Bass ale is great - I agree

We shop at ALDI's (Not everywhere) ( think)- We weren't sure at first -

but the more we tried the better we liked it.

Then it's off to Sam's for the rest.

Stay away from Super Wal-Mart's - You'll walk in for $10.00 of stuff and walk out with $100.00 less in your wallet.

Mark --

Posted by: Mark Shaw on March 1, 2005 06:25 PM

Like Sami, I don't like cheap TP. I only wipe my ass with the best.

I agree with Acidman about Blue Plate mayo.

I like Pepsi, in the can. But I'll buy cheapass Sams canned soda over Coke, because I don't notice a difference. I'm a big fan of canned sodas.

I prefer Kraft cheese (real cheese, not the "cheese food" stuff) over any store-brands, but I'm just weird that way.

I like Jiff peanut butter. Preferably chunky.

I'll buy and devour any brand of beef jerky (I prefer bags of peices to those weird sausage sticks they call jerky), but I prefer to MAKE it.

I prefer Tabasco hot sauce to store brands. The habanero is good, especially in chili. No where around here has the garlic flavor lately. The green (jalapeno, not as hot) is good all over pizza. I mean ALL over it, too. I'm a tabasco junky.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on March 1, 2005 06:26 PM

I only buy Tetley tea. It's the closest to real English tea.
Only solid white Albacore tuna packed in water.
Only VanCamps chili.
Vlasic pickles.
Scott tp, because it will not clog the toilet.
Indian River orange juice (not from concentrate) it's the best!

Posted by: McDonough Judy on March 1, 2005 06:27 PM

^^ Indian River = Orange juice that's not from concentrate ....hmmm, sounds suspicious lol.

Yeah, I'll buy generic a lot, but you're right about TP, you don't skimp on that. I prefer Charmin meself.

Claussen Pickles indeed! They are the best national brand...but I have to say that I'm surprised that you'd prefer a Yankee pickle. Locally I eat a ton of Mom Wilson's pickles (local farm that also does their own excellent meat processing)

Molson Ice for usual beer but also like micro brewed lagers and Sami's right about Sierra Nevada too.

Just so you don't make the same mistake as me, Kroger brand burrito shells SUCK....gotta be Manny's. I eat a lot of bean burritos for whatever reason and Kroger's refied beans are fine. Their ibuprofen works as good as Advil for me too.

Posted by: marcl on March 1, 2005 07:43 PM

Almost anything is good, 'cept TP - never use it. No, just give me some running water, soap, maybe some alcohol wipes and a good fan.

Actually, I do have 4 outhouses, where you might be very disappointed to find no TP if you are not careful about looking first. [One of them, if you close the door, the rotating outside latch falls across the door so that people have disappeared for hours in there. The smaller, more agile ones can climb out over the door. I kept wondering where my son's wife went once, and was looking around a little for at least an hour. Finally she climbed out.]

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on March 1, 2005 08:21 PM

Acquired taste ia arguably a learned behavior. Most of our learned behaviors result from negative reinforcement, but acquired taste can result from either positive or negative experience.

I would say that 70% of the groceries we buy are generic/store brand, but even here I can be picky. It's gotta be real butter: Lightly salted sweet cream butter. It can be the store brand but it's gotta be the real McCoy (I blame my G/father for this, as he wouldn't allow oleo under his roof).

Bread doesn't come from the friggin' grocery store, it comes from the bakery. George the baker around the block makes Italian Sourdough just the way I like it. And I like it fresh: It comes home with me a single loaf at a time.

I find Paul Newman politically offensive but Newman's Own is the only Italian salad dressing I'll buy. I'll pay double, in fact.

Real mayo, store brand OK.

I prefer Colombian coffee, not Arabica or that hideous Fwench Roast stuff. Wal-Mart's store brand Colombian is my favorite.

And Rob, you nailed it to the wall with Claussen dills. Finestkind.

I think when an item cost more than $20, past negatives come front & centre. I had to replace our washing machine last month. One from the parson's saw and band cutter company was the only brand I would consider. I buy my wife a new car every 5 years. All of them wear the three pointed star . I replace my pickup truck less often, but those baby kenworth lookin' rigs are the only ones I'll buy.

Oh, I'll shop for these larger purchases, but only for identical items from different retailers/vendors.

When I think about it, the more we're different, the more we're the same.


Posted by: Richthofen on March 1, 2005 11:02 PM

I think where you shop is more important than what you buy. I can simply not pass up any Walmart store whatsoever. I'll have to try the Columbian, R..

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on March 2, 2005 12:17 AM

Fuckin A on the Claussen Pickles

Posted by: Dave on March 2, 2005 09:00 AM

WTF is Blue Plate Mayo? Is it southern? I've lived all across this country, but the reason I moved back to Virginia was Duke's Mayo. A virginia cured ham thinly sliced with a little pinapple and cherry and a generous dollop of Duke's is better than sex. Nuff said.

Posted by: Ed on March 2, 2005 09:43 AM

try pall mall menthol 100's--says on the pkg they burn slower--and they do---last a long time- i sometimes only have a half--go back later for the other half--what can i say--i'm cheap!!!

Posted by: mikeymom on March 2, 2005 09:04 PM
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