Gut Rumbles
 

February 25, 2005

animal sacrifice?

I'm not sure what to think about this post. It's just way too spiritual for me. I've committed numerous animal sacrifices in my life, and I never gave a damn about getting to "know the animal in person." (Can you get to know an animal in person? I am confused.)

I kill squirrels because they raid my bird feeders and eat my okra plants. They also will totally fuck up a pear tree. (Pick a pear, take one or two bites, drop that pear to the ground and repeat until all the pears are gone.) The only ritual I perform when I sacrifice those bastards is to center their greedy little heads in the crosshairs of my rifle scope and hold still when I squeeze the trigger.

I kill pigeons because they are nasty, disgusting, shit-making pests. I once took my pellet rifle over to my mama's house and shot 34 of them one Sunday afternoon when she was being overrun by the varmits. Their shit was peeling the paint off her house. I didn't care to get to know a single one of them beforehand. I just shot 'em.

I might like to perform a ritual sacrifice on a cat... I've popped a few of them with the pellet rifle, but only to sting them and run them off, not to kill. I just wanted them to stop pooping in my garden and yowling all night during their nocturnal fuck-fests. But the idea of an altar, a ritual, a sharp knife and a bound cat DOES appeal to me.

One good thing came from reading that post. I now know what a numenist is. I also learned something else, too.

I ain't one.

Comments

Sorry I am not having good Karma with my supper and I damn sure not into hugging trees. I might do a ritual sacrifice of certain so called human beings but I am not sure they make an alter big enough to get Michael Moore on.

Posted by: James Old Guy on February 25, 2005 02:57 PM

It's the damn ferrets that give me the creeps.

Posted by: Dan the Internet Slacker on February 25, 2005 04:58 PM

Wiccans.

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Wayne on February 25, 2005 07:13 PM

Yea. I 'honored' that last Porterhouse I ate.
Geeeze....

Posted by: Pammy on February 25, 2005 08:07 PM

Back when I stayed on the farm, it was a " squeeze chute" and a ten pound hammer...Dinner in about eight hours....
michael moore would get the hammer, and a nice spot down by the creek, you know, to dispose of the deseased cloven hooved vermin.......

Posted by: murry on February 27, 2005 04:55 AM

I find the boltgun very ritualistic, indeed. And if the abattoir is picking his buttcrack at the moment of sacrifice, all the better.

Posted by: Velociman on February 27, 2005 06:03 PM

I thought they were coin collectors. Damn, there's more different names for witchcraft that there are for Mexicans! I think that invites a certain amount of contempt. If I were to call this guy whatever he was calling himself last week, I'd be exhibiting some ignorant prejudice, I'll bet. And I really would bet actual money that anyone this presumtuously, dismissively ignorant of Christianity HAS to be the product of Catholic school. (We have a very lax version of kosher regulations, just can't drink blood or eat meat of sacrificed animals. Probably human flesh is out too, not sure).

Posted by: Dave Munger on February 27, 2005 08:42 PM

I joke that I can tell when my figs are ripe because I only find a bit of skin and the pit, rather than a slightly-nibbled fig.

Posted by: wheels on February 27, 2005 09:04 PM

The most disturbing part is YOU are on their blogroll. Seriously, go look. That is something I always do now, even before reading the linked post. I check their blogroll. It is very often much more interesting than what they have to say!

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