Gut Rumbles

February 23, 2005

stupid people do stupid things

I'm going to call that Acidman's First Rule For Smelling the Coffee. Face it--- we have a lot of downright, purely STUPID people in this world. You can love your fellow man and call him your brother all you want to, but don't deny the fact that a lot of them are STUPID. Because they ARE.

Just ride with me down highway 21 from Garden City to Rincon, Georgia. I GUARANTEE YOU that we'll see at least a dozen stupid people doing stupid things on that 10-mile trip. Asshole with cell phone pressed to his ear as he zig-zags all over the road. Too busy to STOP and make that call, but too stupid to get off the road before he kills somebody.

Little old lady driving a 10,000 pound road-boat in the left lane at 35 MPH while traffic is whizzing by at 70 MPH. She also has her right-turn signal blinking the entire time.

The scraggly-bearded young skank who thinks he's in a NASCAR race as he whips in and out of both lanes, damn near scraping paint with every move, tailgating from 2" behind and either accellerating madly or riding his brakes as he risks his life and everybody else's on the road to get to Rincon 30 seconds ahead of us, if he isn't killed first.

The dipstick moonbat who pulls out in front of you going 10 MPH when you had NO TRAFFIC behind you, and the bastard takes a mile to work his way up to that terrifying speed of 40 MPH, at which time he moves over to the left lane just because he likes it there.

The "Professional Drivers" piloting 18-wheel trucks who pull up side by side at a traffic light and clog traffic for miles behind them as they grind gears EVER SO SLOWLY to get moving when the light changes. At least one of those bastards is talking on a cell phone, too.

The fat black woman who manages to bring six lanes of traffic to a screeching halt because she wanted to make a left turn from the Enmart station right from the parking lot instead of exiting on the access road that has a traffic light. She would have a cell phone, too, except she's too stupid to figure out how to use it.

That's just what I see on the road.

Today, I went to the grocery store to buy some much-needed supplies. The woman in line ahead of me didn't have enough money to pay for her groceries. "Okay, if I put this back, what do I owe?" she asked the cashier. Still too much. "Okay, if I put THIS back, what do I owe?" Nope, still too much. "Okay, how about this?" and she threw her hamhocks, chitlins or whatever the fuck it was she wanted but couldn't afford. That brought her 50 cents to the good.

She was delighted. I was frustrated. I don't know why the cashier wasn't authorized to shoot her. The woman paid with food stamps and left half a cart of groceries behind for somebody else to replace on the counters because she was TOO STUPID to do elementary school math.

Got-Dam! I don't claim to be a genius (just a pretty sharp guy) but I don't do stupid shit like that. I know the rules of the road, I KNOW how much my groceries are going to cost me before I ever hit the checkout line in a grocery store and I DO NOT drive the wrong way down a one-way street and then honk my horn at the obnoxious bastard coming the other way.

I've learned to survive among such people, because I've had a lot of experience at it. Stupidity is incurable once it sets in to stay. But some of those people really frighten me.

They vote.


I'm with you, Rob. Bad drivers are my biggest source of stress. Particulary the "dipstick moonbat who pulls out in front of you going 10MPH". Being in a big hurry to get on the road but failing to be in a hurry to go anywhere when you get on it? WTF? I want to bitch-slap those assholes.

Posted by: Jonathan on February 23, 2005 08:11 PM

It's the friggin cellphones that make 'em stupid. First thing that welfare check goes for is a damn cellphone.

Posted by: Sardonicus on February 23, 2005 08:29 PM

You didn't expect to get a debate started with this one, did you Rob? LOL


Posted by: Indigo on February 23, 2005 08:39 PM

Yep. Had it happen just today.

I was southbound on KY 61, doing about 50 in a 55 with nothing behind me but empty road when some doofus in a mail truck RUNS THE STOPSIGN in order to get out there ahead of me. Does he hit the go-button so we can all get on to where we are going? No! He putters along, never quite attaining the blazing speed of 30 mph.

Sometimes I think an RPG ought to be a legal piece of accessory equipment..


Posted by: Roy Greenwell on February 23, 2005 09:04 PM

In think the best I've had was on a phone call. Woman- at another agency in another building on the other side of town- asked if we were having power problems. I said no, and she snapped "Then why is my computer off?"
I have no idea what she said over the next ten seconds because I was sitting there with my mouth open wondering how to answer this without my supervisor getting another call...

Posted by: Mark on February 23, 2005 10:40 PM

Good news Mark, there's a flip-side to that:

I was helping a guy over the phone with a relatively complicated technical problem. At one point he apologized for being stupid and needing me to explain everything.

I told him "You're not stupid, you're ignorant. But I can FIX ignorant!"

Big laughs, and we got the job done.

Posted by: Parallel on February 23, 2005 11:11 PM

Yes, it scares me that these people vote... But what scares me worse, is they are in the gene pool!

Posted by: Bob on February 23, 2005 11:49 PM

The scariest part is that they breed and always with their own kind. You cannot improve the gene pool by breeding 2 low intelligence animals together. It doesn't work that way. You just end up with dumb and dumber. Of course the worst part is that they always seem to have absolutely no concept of how birth control works.

On the bright side though, they usually do more stupid shit than the rest of us and get themselves killed. Read the Darwin awards sometime. It's just one of God's ways of thinning the herd. You just have to pay attention so that they don't take you with them when they do fuck up. Last of all, the world also needs ditch diggers as well as scientists.

Posted by: Drugstore Cowboy on February 24, 2005 01:59 PM

I see them everyday too. I especially hate the assholes who drive in the fast lane doing 35 in a 55.

Posted by: Stephanie on February 24, 2005 02:12 PM
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