Gut Rumbles
 

February 21, 2005

i have a black eye

Last night, I needed to take a piss. I have no idea what time it was, because I keep only one functioning clock in my house anymore, and it is nowhere around my bedroom. I knew that I could make it from the bed to the bathroom without turning on a light. I've done it successfully hundreds of times.

This time, however, I was unsuccessful. I got my feet tangled in a pile of dirty clothes that I had forgotten about leaving on the floor. I SWEAR that those clothes reached up and grabbed me like a set of octopus tentacles. I was tied up, tripped and falling. I knew that I was close to a bedpost on the bed, so I flailed for it as I was on my way down.

I missed grabbing the bedpost, but it didn't miss me. I head-butted that sumbitch and it caught me right above my left eye, right where the brow attaches to the skull-bone. The sound reminded me of someone cracking a ripe coconut, I saw stars inside my head and I hit the floor in a tangled heap. It hurt like hell and I felt something wet running down my face.

I crawled to the bathroom and turned on the light. Sweet Bejus! I had one hell of a cut on my left eyebrow. I ran some cold water on a rag and applied a compress until I could get the bleeding to stop, then I examined my injury. Hmmm. That cut could probably use a few stitches. It wasn't pretty.

But I have butterfly bandages in my first aid kit, so I pressed the skin back together I applied one of those. It looked okay to me at the time and I wasn't bleeding anymore. I took a piss and went back to bed.

That eye doesn't look so good today. I don't have a lot of swelling, but I am a rainbow of red, purple, black and yellow colors. I look as if I lost a one-punch bar fight. Well, I DID, because some bastard hit me with a bed post when I wasn't looking. When I was visiting Catfish today, Nancy noticed and said, "My God, Rob! What happened to your eye?"

I told her the truth. I was mugged by my own furniture.

Comments

Good thing you'd left your gum on the bedpost to cushion the impact or it could have been worse!

Posted by: Michele on February 21, 2005 08:52 PM

A likely story. One of those commentors from the "rob is mean" posts came over and beat you up, didn't they? Oh, wait, no- those people are cowards. Okay, i believe it was the bedpost. No, really.

Posted by: og on February 21, 2005 09:07 PM

Finally, yer dick caused some swelling.

Posted by: Tom S on February 21, 2005 09:18 PM

Take things easy for a couple of days.....you could have a minor concussion. Hope you feel better soon!

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on February 21, 2005 09:52 PM

I'm with OG, 'cept I believe it was one of them wimmen bloggers you reg'larly piss off. Key probably came by and kicked your cracker ass. =)

Posted by: Kv on February 21, 2005 09:56 PM

Nah. He might like it...

Posted by: Key on February 21, 2005 10:38 PM

Glad to know I am not the only person to get hit by furniture, hardwood too! The bitch used to move furniture around, sneaking in at home was impossible after closing time. The bitch!
Don't feel bad Rob, My furniture had an accomplice.

Posted by: murry on February 22, 2005 03:07 AM

Man, the thought of that makes my head hurt. We need pictures though.

Posted by: Moogie on February 22, 2005 07:19 AM

"Laid Out Tall", the newest chapter of legendary story of the mighty post....
Beds pick up where Buford left off.

Posted by: Stevie on February 23, 2005 12:04 AM
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