Gut Rumbles

January 31, 2005

by the way

I have other cabinet positions open and I am willing to create a few new ones. If you believe that you are qualified, nominate YOURSELF. "Run With the Reprobate in 2008!" It's something you can tell your grandchildren about.

I'm always on the lookout for fresh talent.


As much as you hate attorneys, I'm not surprised you haven't filled the Attorney General post...

(hint, hint)

Posted by: Christina on January 31, 2005 01:53 PM

I'll take Secretary of Blowing Shit Up.

Or if that's filled, Secretary of Destroying the EPA Personally With A Sledge Hammer will do.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on January 31, 2005 02:42 PM

Might I apply for Secretery of Foeign Affairs?

Since I'm foreign born, any affair I had could be classified as such.

Posted by: delftsman3 on January 31, 2005 03:03 PM

Can I have Secretary of the Interior? The new motto of the Interior dept. would be "graze it, timber it, mine it, sell it, and pave it."

I do feel that all treehuggers loonies should fall under the Secretary of Blowing Shit Up and would be more than happy to point them out to Mr. Lion.


Posted by: Ray Smith on January 31, 2005 03:20 PM

Is the Offical Liberal Executioner position taken yet?

Posted by: rightisright on January 31, 2005 03:51 PM

Keep the cabinet posts, but I am available as a Supreme Court Justice.

Posted by: James Old Guy on January 31, 2005 03:56 PM

I want to be Postmaster General so I can get back at all the postal employees who have made my life miserable for the last 25 years. And, I want to extract vengeance on the dickweed who delivers my mail that told me my mailbox has to be 41.5" from the ground or he won't put any mail in it...

Is this a cabinet post? If not, maybe we should take it over by force. I'd be available regardless.

Posted by: Circa Bellum on January 31, 2005 04:02 PM

I'm not as good-looking as Rob, but I am younger, both of which are why I should be his VP.

I announced *my* intention to run after I learned Al Sharpton got paid to 'run for office'. Seriously, I'd make a better POTUS than that goofball.

Posted by: Scott-in-Japan on January 31, 2005 04:24 PM

I'd like to nominate myself as Smacking-Silly-People-Upside-the-Head Czar. Whenever someone says or types something really stupid, their name and comment shall go on a list. I will travel around the Kingdom with that list and smack said silly people upside the head until they can admit that they might be wrong.

Open mindedness via corporal punishment. Something their parents failed to do.

Posted by: GORDON on January 31, 2005 04:25 PM

Secretary of Transportation?

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on January 31, 2005 04:25 PM

I'll take the Department of Nuking Every Goddam Liberal Nuclear Free Enclave. If that's filled I'll take the National Commission on Beer Truck Delivery.

Posted by: Jim on January 31, 2005 04:42 PM

I call dibs on cabinet-level United States Brewmaster General!

Posted by: Rob@L&R on January 31, 2005 07:20 PM

Commissioner in Charge of Sex Re-Education for "Womyn".

Posted by: Dan Pursel on January 31, 2005 08:26 PM

Where would I be?

Posted by: Kate on January 31, 2005 08:28 PM

I have thought about it. I retract my previous post.

I still want Treasury, though.

On the first day, I will get my secretary to call the Gideon Society and make an appointment, then I will send a minion down there to pick up a copy of their New Testament book.

On the second day I will call all the tax collection and compliance people in and tell them, "Go home. Stay there. Your salary continues. Anybody wants to retire and is close to the range, put in the papers and I'll take 'em across to the White House. Anybody tries to enforce the tax laws or collect one red cent is fired, unless I can get Kim over at DHS to cannonize your happy butt."

Then I will wait until Congress calls me to testify in the contempt trial. While waiting, I will occasionally bring a stack of retirement forms across to you. You will sign them and issue an Executive Order where necessary to facilitate early retirement. Eventually I will sit in front of the Ways&Means Committee.

I will tell them, "There is no tax law in this country. There is only a mishmash of contradictory garbage, and as a result the IRS people are making it up as they go along. Until there is a tax law I will not attempt to enforce that which does not exist." I will then lay the Gideon New Testament on the table. "When the U.S. Tax Code fits in this book, same number of pages, same type size, same amount of white space, call me and we'll talk. Until then, talk to the shylocks, not me."

They will throw me in the clink. You will pardon me and send the Secret Service to spring my ass. We will see how many rounds of that the geniuses on the Hill want to go through before they figure it out.

Oh, and I like cats, but they can all stay at home, and I won't bring them to your attention in any way. Business before pleasure.

Ric Locke

Posted by: Ric Locke on February 1, 2005 12:09 AM

By the way, I solemnly promise not to campaign for you in public. You have no idea how valuable that is.


Posted by: Ric Locke on February 1, 2005 12:11 AM

I humbly submit my application for Minister of Propoganda

Posted by: Chris on February 1, 2005 03:06 AM

I'll take chief rocket scientist :)

Posted by: caltechgirl on February 1, 2005 09:20 AM

If there's an opening for Secretary of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, I just might have an interest.

With this group, I imagine I'll have my hands full.

Posted by: Rube on February 1, 2005 10:04 AM

I nominate myself for Secretary of Leaking Embarrassing Shit to the Media to Make Myself Look Good and Drag Down the Top Dog Every Chance I Get.

Posted by: McGehee on February 1, 2005 11:49 AM

I'm just gonna smoke pot and ridicule you stoopit bastidges for not keeping real jobs like Americans do.

"If nominated, I'd run like hell. If elected, you'd never, ever find me."

Posted by: Billy Beck on February 1, 2005 11:52 AM
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