January 31, 2005
My first cabinet meeting
ME: "Good morning, ladies and gentemen."
MY CABINET: "Aw, fuck you, Rob."
ME: "Godamn it! Shut that shit up. We've got a givernment to run!"
MY CABINET: "Don't you mean "government?"
ME: If I meant that, I woulda said it. How much money do we have to piss away today? Do we have people in place to piss away that money? I want to get it out there and pissed away as quickly as posible. That's my job."
MY SECRETARY OF STATE interviened and stated, like a secretary of state, that much of our slush fund had been depleted on his last trip to Brazil. I appreciated his honesty and I understood the cost of hookers in Brazil. I bore no ill will toward him.
Me: "We got any money left?"
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE: Let's just kill 'em all."
SECRETARY OF ASSORTED WHEREWITHALL : "Here, your majesty, drink THIS."
FIRST LADY "While you're at it, take a toke off the bong."
Bejus! By 8:30 I was fucked-up as a worm and in charge of running the country. I think I gave a few orders. Dax bombed Madascar and Kim imported 500 Asian hookers to work on my next campaign. I asked my first lady to put a lock on that stash she was buying. I also asked Eric for another one before I called my white House advisor to a lenghty session in the oval office.
I had issues I wanted to discuss with her. I also wanted to see her titties. Hell, I AM THE PRESIDENT!!! You'd show me YOUR titties, wouldn't you? You know, if I asked as Commander in Chief and all.
Heh. It's good to be king.
Hey, my real name ain't Monica.
But I'd be happy to run the country for you while you played with your Brazilian whores. ;)
I offer my abilities to pontificate at will on just about anything , without having the slightest idea as to what I am talking about, to being your Press Secretary. My motto is simple, "If you can't dazzle em with brilliance, baffle em with bullshit!" (That, and I was Assistant Public Affairs Officer for a large metro Navy Recruiting District in a prior life.)
"It is better to have cried and lost...then never to have cried at all." J. F. Kerry, Nov 3rd 2004
Those are MY Brazilian whores! But Bossman can play with them whenever he likes.
Damn, that will teach me to read from the top down! Ok, you need ambassadors....and as I have always been fond of them (they do kick ass quite well for being one of the smallest kids on the block).... retract my offer of Press Secretary, and apply for Ambassador to Israel.
If I can't get confirmed as SecState don't forget my lust for the native girls of the Seychelles. Hell, Guy has the right idea. Ambassadors are SUPPOSED to be lushes.
In deference to the Velocio fella...and knowing one should be sensitive to the country one is ambassador to...I would only drink beer made bythis company, whether home or abroad.
.. Guy, you should not put limits on yourself... not even as an ambassador... drink freely, my friend...
I was only referring to my intake of hops, barley, and malt. Have no fear Eric, if there is a good bottle of Rum, Gin, Single Malt Scotch, moon...err *country wine* around I will not say no (they would kick me outta the Retired Sailors Benefit Society).
Can I run the Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms agency? Those ATF hoodies are hellacool, plus, just think of the perks of that job...
Oh, one more thing Mr. President, if you make me head of ATF, I'll get you some cigars for the oval office. ;)
Can I have Justice? I'm not a lawyer or anything, but I understand the need to kick bad guy ass.