Gut Rumbles

January 31, 2005

necessary definitions

I don't like "suck-ups." I don't mean people who bestow well-intentioned flattery on you--- I mean the toadys of the word who believe that the key to success is to attach your lips firmly to a fast-rising ass and hope that you can hang on for the ride. Many people compliment you because they simply like what you do; others do it hoping for pure self-aggrandizement, to gain something from the effort. Those same suck-ups will turn on you like a pack of rabid ferrets once your star is on the wane.

I've got no use for a fucking cat. They don't like me and I don't like them. Damn furball-hacking, arrogant bastards. They have evil minds, too. A bird will shit on your windshield just after you washed your car. A cat will crawl inside and shit on the front seat. ON PURPOSE!!! I hate 'em.

I've never had a dog that I cared for growl, bark or snap at me. Well, maybe ONCE in their lives, but I played the Alpha Card on their ass and put an end to that shit right away. You can't do that with a cat, no matter how many times you throw it against the wall.

That's why wimmen are cats and men are dogs. You cannot EVER trust a cat.

I blame Watergate and the Vietnam War for what has turned news reporting into anti-American advocacy. The news media learned that reporting the news wasn't the way to a Pulitizer. A good "gotcha" was. And that's what they've been doing ever since, even if they had to make the "gotcha" up. The news developed political syphilis, and the chancer-ridden whores don't want to change.

Most people I know can tell right from wrong. They are not stupid people. But they DON'T speak what's on their minds for fear of being called "intolerant" or "racist." No, we don't have censorship in this country.

Government is not "benevolent." It is raw power. If you do not fear it, you do not recognize it for what it is. We've got to have a government, and I like the one we have now a lot better than I would like having a pissant such as John Kerry in charge, but it's still government. And it rules you with an iron fist.

If I sound cynical, that's because I AM.


CATS! When my daughters lived at home, they had cat that I despised. It was mutual too. Cat shit everywhere but in its box. When the girls weren't home, I liked to beat the shit out of the cat. After a bit, it started shitting in MY SHOES!! Had to go to the basement to find em - upstairs closets were all filled with wife's/kid's clothes. Cat left their stuff alone. I finally shot the bastard with a Ruger pistol. All true I swear.

Posted by: iowa dude on January 31, 2005 10:34 AM

Not going to be any cat-slinging or cat shooting if you don't haul your creaking carcass to a dr to have your head looked at. What the hell are you waiting for? It will be an adventure! Cute nurses! Evil receptionists! Fellow peasants in the waiting room! Old magazines!

Don't make someone come over there.

Posted by: robert on January 31, 2005 11:23 AM

I'm impressed. You must be in a good mood since you referred to us females as cats rather than pussies ;)
Maybe you SHOULD get your head examined!

Posted by: caltechgirl on January 31, 2005 11:30 AM

hisssssss :-P

Posted by: girl on January 31, 2005 12:24 PM

Yah. No wonder you don't get laid.

Posted by: sadie on January 31, 2005 12:49 PM

Sadie, I get laid more than any other single man I know. I'm just a lot more selective than I once was.

Are YOU one of those sexy things that would just blow my doors off? I doubt it.

Posted by: Acidman on January 31, 2005 01:45 PM

" matter how many times you throw it against the wall"

Shit dude. I've been reading you daily for months, and that is the un-funniest thing I've read so far. I can't stand cats. Hate 'em. But that just wasn't funny.

I have a pretty good idea what you're response to my opinion will be, *ahem*, but I had to say it anyway.

The only time in my life I have ever actively wanted to injure an animal (and I'm not talking about hunting here, I mean "hurt for the sake of hurting", or even "kill for the sake of killing") was when I was in high school and my next-door neighbor's dog came into our yard and murdered my dog. Every day for weeks after that I would come home from school and that afghan (breed) would be sitting on our front lawn like a goddamned sphinx.

Actually, I guess you /could/ call what I did "hunting". I chased that dog every day for a week, then finally figured out exactly where it was slipping under our fence. I blocked the hole with some branches and tossed a baseball bat in my car for the next time....

Didn't quite catch the bitch. Managed to wriggle through the hole when I was about ten feet away at a full sprint, already starting my swing.

Never saw the dog again.

You're cat joke still wasn't funny though.

Posted by: Strider on January 31, 2005 01:49 PM

Point duly noted. Not that I'm interested. Smile. This is all in fun anyway. Too much damn hatred out there.

Posted by: sadie on January 31, 2005 03:44 PM

Know why I don't like dogs? Suckups.

Know why I like cats? They're not.

Posted by: Desert Cat on January 31, 2005 07:19 PM

"A Cat is simply a dog with all the stupid, non-functiong parts removed"

Posted by: Ralph DeMattia on January 8, 2006 11:37 PM
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